Joke...Do you have any better ones..?? :-P?

Question

There once was a boy called Matty who didnt have a body, he only had a head.

Then it came to his 18th birthday, so his dad who felt sorry for him took for a pint down the local pub, Matty was very excited about having his 1st drink of alcohol , so the proud father came in and placed Matty down on the bar and ordered 2 pints.

Then the father poured the beer into Mattys mouth, and once he'd finished a body had grown onto Mattys head, so he kept drinking and by the end of the night he was a normal man, with arms, legs, toes and fingers, but Matty kept on drinking.

The lesson you should learn from this is to always 'Quit while your a head'

apolloJ♫ your just Jealous! :-)

Answer 1

Wow...... umm...... yeah just wow............

If a skitzofrenic fell into a coma would you ever know it? One of their other personalities could just take over the body and they'd never miss a second. Could this explain amnesia?

Answer 2

It extremely relies upon, Magic. maximum of my favourites have some super long tracks {my conventional Dire Straits music is 8 minutes long!}, which I easily love. yet additionally they have some spectacular short songs. It extremely looks a stability between the two, based what i'm in the temper for. i think the fast ones bypass away us wanting extra! some examples of the main suitable 'shorties' from my favourites :~ {my definition of short - below 3 minutes} Jethro Tull : Alive and properly and living In [2:40 3] Wond'ring Aloud [a million:fifty 3] Slipstream [a million:13] Jack-In-The-eco-friendly [2:27] fire in the lifeless of evening [2:26] Dun Ringill [2:40-one] Cheerio [a million:09] Fleetwood Mac : I enjoyed yet another woman [2:fifty 4] stop Messin' around [2:22] Monday Morning [2:40 8] 2nd Hand information [2:40 3] by no ability Going decrease back lower back [2:02] The Ledge [2:02] {very weird and wonderful, yet catchy!} Honey hi [2:40 3] You and that i (section II) [2:40] Dire Straits ~ 'Southbound lower back' [2:fifty 8] Led Zeppelin : Black Mountain side [2:13] good circumstances undesirable circumstances [2:40 seven] Immigrant music [2:26] Bron-12 months-Aur [2:06] Blackmore's evening : {maximum human beings of those are instrumentals, different than * } Minstrel hall [2:36] Possum's final Dance [2:40 two] Possum is going to Prague [a million:13] lower back sometime [a million:40 two] * Mr. Peagram's Morris and Sword [2:01] Village Dance [a million:fifty 8] won't be in a position to help Falling In Love {cover} [2:fifty one] * Sandy Denny {inc. Fairport convention / Fotheringay} : Mr Lacey [2:fifty 5] Farewell, Farewell [2:38] enable's bounce the Broomstick [2:40 two] not extra unhappy Refrains [2:40 8] Capercaillie / Karen Matheson : The Little Cascade [a million:40 8] My Whispered reason [2:11] An Ribhinn Donn [2:fifty six] Alasdair Mhic Cholla Ghasda [2:30] Dr. MacPhail's Reel [2:50]

Answer 3

nice pun :)


http://www.starterupsteve.com/flash/html/jingle_bells_reversed.shtml


One day I met a sweet gentleman and fell in love. When it became apparent that we would marry, I made the supreme sacrifice and gave up beans.

Some months later, on my birthday, my car broke down on the way home from work.

Since I lived in the countryside I called my husband and told him that I would be late because I had to walk home. On my way, I passed by a small diner and the odor of baked beans was more than I could stand.

With miles to walk, I figured that I would walk off any ill effects by the time I reached home, so I stopped at the diner and before I knew it, I had consumed three large orders of baked beans. All the way home, I made sure that I released all the gas.

Upon my arrival, my husband seemed excited to see me and exclaimed delightedly: "Darling I have a surprise for dinner tonight."

He then blindfolded me and led me to my chair at the dinner table. I took a seat and just as he was about to remove my blindfold, the telephone rang. He made me promise not to touch the blindfold until he returned and went to answer the call.

The baked beans I had consumed were still affecting me and the pressure was becoming most unbearable, so while my husband was out of the room I seized the opportunity, shifted my weight to one leg and let one go.

It was not only loud, but it smelled like a fertilizer truck running over a skunk in front of a pulpwood mill. I took my napkin from my lap and fanned the air around me vigorously.

Then, shifting to the other cheek, I ripped off three more. The stink was worse than cooked cabbage.

Keeping my ears carefully tuned to the conversation in the other room, I went on like this for another few minutes. The pleasure was indescribable.

When eventually the telephone farewells signaled the end of my freedom, I quickly fanned the air a few more times with my napkin, placed it on my lap and folded my hands back on it feeling very relieved and pleased with myself.

My face must have been the picture of innocence when my husband returned, apologizing for taking so long. He asked me if I had peeked through the blindfold, and I assured him I had not.

At this point, he removed the blindfold, and twelve dinner guests seated around the table chorused: "Happy Birthday!"

I fainted!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Answer 4

Pretty cool... but I heard this version:

....but Matty kept on drinking. Finally when he was finished, he got up and began to walk. "Look! My son's walking!" the father shouted proudly. The boy was so drunk that he didn't see the truck coming, and it hit and killed him on the spot. The bartender looked at the shocked father and said, "He should have quit when he was a head."

I kind of like mine better, though....

Answer 5

ok?!

A blind guy on a bar stool shouts to the bartender, "Wanna hear a blonde joke?"

In a hushed voice, the guy next to him says, "Before you tell that joke, you should know something."

Our bartender IS blonde, the bouncer is blonde. I'm a 6' tall, 200 lb black belt. The guy sitting next to me is 6'2", weighs 225, and he's a rugby player. The fella to your right is 6'5" pushing 300 and he's a wrestler. Each one of US is blonde. Think about it, Mister. Do you still wanna tell that joke?"

The blind guy says, "Nah, not if I'm gonna have to explain it five times."


Dumb Alabama Laws
It is illegal for a driver to be blindfolded while operating a vehicle.


Dominoes may not be played on Sunday.

Looking for more dumb laws? Check out DumbLaws.com!
You may not drive barefooted.


It is illegal to maim oneself to escape duty.


It is illegal to impersonate a person of the clergy.


Women are able to retain all property they owned prior to marriage in the case of divorce. However, this provision does not apply to men.


Masks may not be worn in public.


Putting salt on a railraod track may be punishable by death.


Boogers may not be flicked into the wind.


Bear wrestling matches are prohibited.


It is legal to drive the wrong way down a one-way street if you have a lantern attached to the front of your automobile.


Men may not spit in front of the opposite sex.


Incestous marriages are legal.


It is illegal to wear a fake moustache that causes laughter in church.


You must have windshield wipers on your car.


You may not have an ice cream cone in your back pocket at any time.


Anniston
You may not wear blue jeans down Noble Street.


Jasper
It is illegal for a husband to beat his wife with a stick larger in diameter than his thumb.


Lee County
It is illegal to sell peanuts in Lee County after sundown on Wednesday.


Mobile
It is unlawful to wear women's pumps with sharp, high heels.


It is unlawful to howl at ladies inside the city limits.


Montgomery
It is considered an offense to open an umbrella on a street, for fear of it spooking horses. (Repealed

Answer 6

a teacher was playing a tasting game with her first graders. She blindfolded them and asked them to taste different things and see if they could figure out what it was. She went through several things and they figured them all out. Then she got to the honey. Each child tasted, and thought for a while. So when they couldn't figure it out, she gave them a hint.
"ok, this is something your mommy may call your daddy sometimes", then 6 yr old Bobby stands up and yells "SPIT IT OUT, ITS AN A$$HOLE!!!"

Answer 7

A housewife takes a lover during the day,
while her husband is at work.
Not aware that 9 year old son was hiding in the closet.
Her husband came home unexpectedly, so she hid her lover in the closet.

The boy now has company.
Boy: "Dark in here."
Man: "Yes it is."
Boy: "I have a baseball."
Man: "That's nice."
Boy: "Want to buy it?"
Man: "No, thanks."
Boy: "My dad's outside."
Man: "OK, how much?"
Boy: "£250."

In the next few weeks, it happens again that the boy
and the mom's lover are in the closet together.

Boy: "Dark in here."
Man: "Yes, it is."
Boy: "I have a baseball glove."
Man: "That's nice."
Boy: "Want to buy it?"
Man: "No, thanks."
Boy: "I'll tell."
Man: "How much?"
Boy: "£750."
Man: "Fine."

A few days later, the father says to the boy,
"Grab your glove. Let's go outside and toss the baseball!"
The boy says, "I can't. I sold them."
The father asks, "How much did you sell them for?"
The son says, "£1,000."
The father says, "That's terrible to over-charge your friends
like that. That is way more than those two things cost.
I'm going to take you to church and make you confess."

They go to church and the father alerts the priest and
makes the little boy sit in the confession booth and
closes the door.

The boy says, "Dark in here."
The priest says, "Don't start that sh*t again."

Answer 8

lol...funny

Husband: Today is sunday & I have to enjoy it. So i bought 3 movie tickets.
Wife: why three?
Husband: 4 u and ur parents.

Girl: I wanna a responsible man as a husband.
Man replies: that's me, whenever anyone is pregnant in my neighborhood, they say I m responsible!

Three dreams of a man: To be as handsome as his mother thinks To be as rich as his child believes To have as many women as his wife suspects..

Answer 9

Never quit until you get some head is more appropriate.

Answer 10

Wow
that was an AWESOME JOKE



:P

great lesson