My friend point blank asked me to throw her a baby shower for her second baby?

Question

I don't mind doing it at all, but her first child is only 18mo, and she is asking for a stroller, car set, etc, big items! I said yes but I can't afford to throw a shower and buy a big item gift too, our other friend thinks its a bit tacky as well, I love her and don't mind doing a small get together but she wants to invite all her friends and family again! And she suggested renting a hall! Like a said I don't mind throwing one just as a celebration (like at a park with a pavillion she's due this summer) but I don't think people will come and bring expensive gifts. am I wrong???

Oh I forgot they are really short on $ too, which I understand needing some things but I would suggest just asking for daipers baby wash just some things they really need!

I agree with celebrating a child and I probably would have offered a get toghether but I just don't get asking for a double stroller, a car seat etc. I understand if they are worn out but these items shouldn't be requested, in my opinion, she also wants to regiestr and everythig

Answer 1

You shouldn't be responsible for both. I would throw the shower for her as promised and get a small (affordable) gift when the baby arrives (not at the shower) and if she has a problem with it, then tell her how you feel. In my experience the person who throws the shower has the power of decision on how the party ensues...like where it's held, food ect. Furthermore, my second child recieved far less at his babyshower than my daughter did at hers, and frankly it's just part of being a parent. What you don't recieve you have to provide yourself, you shouldn't expect other people to shoulder the responsibility. I wish you all the luck.

Answer 2

If you want to offer to throw her a picnic (or something that is within your budget) then do so. But be very upfront about what you can and can not afford to do and that the shower will be your "big gift" to her. Then buy her a small something after the baby is born. If she is unwilling to accept your generous offer, than tell her simply that you can not do anything more, but you will be happy to attend the shower that someone else has for her (traditionally, the grandmothers throw showers).

On the invitations, you can mention where she has registered (Target, Babies R Us, etc,) and then let each guest decide what gift she may or may not want to buy. If they call and ask why she is registered when she should have everything from the first baby, simply reply that you put the registry info on there at her request. No need to worry about if she gets the "big items" she asked for or not..as the hostess that is not your concern. What you may want to do is suggest that rather than do a large registry, or as part of one , she include the option of gift cards. Then she can use them to get the things she may not get at the shower or things she forgot to ask for!

As the Mom who had two kids two years apart, I can safely say that I did need duplicates of a lot of things. Both kids needed car seats. I ended up needing a new stroller that could handle an infant as well as another child. Since my second child was a boy (the first was a girl) and my husband was not about to allow his son to wear pink rufles, I did need a lot of the basics all over again. And, if the babies were born during two different seasons...one summer baby, one winter..then again, a lot of the things from the first baby are not going to be usable when the second is born.

Answer 3

If you want to throw her the shower, tell her that your gift to her will be the shower ONLY since there are expenses to consider. Then throw something tasteful and within your budget... not her's (unless she's chipping in).

I find it interesting that she's asking for big items like a stroller and car seat, unless she doesn't have either of those. That's especially hard to believe of the car seat, and safety standards don't change that often so if baby #1 had a new car seat it should still be okay to use. But, since I don't know the total circumstances, I can't really say much more about that in good conscience.

If she demands something extravagant, get together with a group of friends who are willing to split the cost of throwing the shower with you and make it a team effort. And let her know that is what you're doing, and why you had to do it that way. Anyone who chips in monetarily for the shower should be under no obligation to get her another gift. If she gets angry with you, she's just being greedy.

Answer 4

I would make it as inexpensive as possible. Have the shower at someone's house or at the park. Just do chips and dip and make some countrytime lemonade. No fancy plates or napkins. People that are invited could volunteer to bring other food if they want or bake a cake. I would recommend people give small things like, diapers, lotion.....stuff like that. Then they could all pitch in a few bucks towards her double stroller ($5-$10 at most) and that would help her get her own stroller. Or look for used stuff on Ebay that are still in great condition. If she is not appreciative of that....set her down and have a talk. She should understand that sometimes people just can't afford to shell out big bucks for things like that. She has one child already so she should be able to reuse most of her stuff, and she should have learned from that one that she should start buying stuff early to prevent buying everything at the last minute. After all, she chose to have a second child.....not her friends and family.

Answer 5

I just had my second baby shower for my second child...although my daughter is 4 1/2 so I had already given all the stuff away. The help that I did get from friends was so great to have but I still did most of the work myself, and it sucked. It seems like your friend has a lot of expectations about this shower and should just be thankful that you are willing to help her. I do think that people will come, however, and bring some pretty good gifts because after all it is a new baby. I would let her know that if you fork out the money for the celebration then you won't be able to afford to do much else. I would be cool with that, let her family get her the expensive stuff or have her ask for gift cards so she can get them herself. After all, she already has that stuff it is just a matter of having new stuff.

Answer 6

A park is a great idea if weather permits. So if you don't have to see if you could rent a hall, a park would fit a large group of people. And as far as who would come and bring expensive gifts all depends on the person. Mostly people who buy big item's are family and maybe a close friend. And maybe for certain item's or something for the shower that's expensive you could have people pitch in and pay as a group. If it's a certain item at least she'll get that important big ticket item that she needs.

Answer 7

No need to rent a hall. Just have it at someones house, or outdoors like you said. Also since you will be spending money on the baby shower then just buy her some diapers or something. I threw my friend her 3rd shower and I bought a cake, and everything else, so I just got her diapers. She didnt care. I wasnt about to buy a huge item. Also Just tell everyone where she is registered at in the invitations, and they bring what they bring. She shouldnt expect everyone to bring her big items. I just had my 4th shower thrown by my friend and its my first girl, but I didnt put any big items down except for a car seat because I just didnt think anyone would get that stuff for me. I got mainly diapers and clothes, blankets, etc.... The small things are great. Just make the party small and simple.

Answer 8

I don't know if this will help but, my sister also wanted a second baby shower, her first child was 2 years old at the time, we tried thronging a party, she also had a baby registry with large items. Hardly anyone came to the party, so if I was in your position I would do a decent get together, something you can afford, make sure you invite all the friends and family members she may want there and just have fun, and remind her that the most important gift she may want she already has. I hope this helps :)

Answer 9

No,you're not wrong. People should not be expected to foot the bill for big ticket items like you mentioned for a second child. A small gathering where more practical gifts like diapers,wipes,sleepers,baby bath products etc. is far less tacky. Your friend is putting you in an awkward position and should be grateful that you are willing to do anything rather than demanding that you do. Have you thought about a time of day shower? This is one where you assign the guest a time of day and ask them to bring a gift accordingly. For instance,8am bath time(gift could be things needed for the baby's bath), 11am nap time (gift could be cozy blanket,sleeper,stuffed teddy etc). Well, you get the idea.
Good luck with it.

Answer 10

Wow, that's pretty gutsy when she just had a baby. You know what throw the shower at your home tell her you'll invite friends (say you can't afford to have family, too - maybe she can ask someone in her family to do it), I doubt very seriously she'll get the big items. A LOT of people will think this is tacky.