Something that I don't quite get about most people is this freakish tendency to believe that when... for instance... Person A does something that inadvertantly offends Person B .... that somehow Person A is in the wrong.
This seems completely backwards to me. Its only natural that if Person B doesn't have sufficient control of their emotions and resolve in their opinions to be unfazed by a certain action or comment then they are clearly in the wrong and need to shape up.
Even if Person A was actually -trying- to offend Person B, if B remains unfazed by it then naught has gone wrong at all and they are clearly in the superior position.
So what is the justification for thinking otherwise? Why am I punished because things I have said were taken the wrong way by fools who aren't in control of their faculties? ... The emotional equivalent of driving without a license......
2007-03-15 07:50:04 · 5 answers · asked by Nihilist Templar 4 in Society & Culture ➔ Etiquette
[Just in case anyone tries bringing up analogies involving shooting guns and placing blame... let us not forget that a person can only be offended by something if they allow themselves to be..... whereas offending someone else cannot always be helped.]
2007-03-15 07:51:47 · update #1
A note here... irrespective of what may or may not apply to or with the average person, my opinion on the matter still stands. I -never- apologise if I have offended someone, which annoys some... but on the flipside, I always apologise when I feel offended... and that just seems to confuse people.
As I see it, it is my responsibility to keep in control of my emotions. If someone calls me a retard just because I have Asperger's Syndrome I generally don't care too much; I just correct them unemotively and move on. They aren't to blame for their ignorance. Anyone who would get angry at a thing like that though is clearly less than capable of controlling themselves and could actually be dangerous to those around them.
2007-03-15 23:10:19 · update #2
What a great Argument! Kudos.
I vote Affendee
2007-03-15 07:54:24 · answer #1 · answered by katiej47 3 · 2⤊ 1⤋
Remember that old adage (and I think it still holds true):
Good manners may in seven words be found:
Forget yourself and think of those around.
When we live with other people (like you're not living alone in the woods), life is a lot easier if people make an effort to be pleasant to be around and avoid aggravating other people. When someone says something that makes you angry (say, they run down the ethnic group that you are part of), you are going to get angry. Period. You feel what you feel, there are no "shoulds" about it. You can control how you react, and you should, but life is a lot easier when people aren't continually being stressed by people breaking the rules socially by what they say to each other.
If this happens to you a lot -- if people are offended by what you say -- then you need to think more before you speak. If for no other reason than that what you're doing right now is getting you into trouble and upsetting other people. Think about how people will react to you saying something. Just because a thought occurs to you and you believe it to be true is not a sufficient reason to say it. You can see someone and think, "Wow, they're really ugly" but there's no good reason to say that to them and hurt their feelings. If you say that -- even if you believe it is a true statement -- you are being rude and hostile and unkind. And people will react negatively to you. So why say it?
2007-03-15 15:26:31 · answer #2 · answered by Corinnique 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
While I do generally agree with you, I would think that this is a highly subjective thing and can't really be dealt with with hypotheticals.
In harrassment training, they teach you that you shouldn't make comments that would offend an average, reasonable person. Most adults know where this line is.
It concerns me that you suggest there are several instances where this has happened to you. After awhile, I think you should consider that, prehaps, you are making comments where an average reasonable adult WOULD be offended.
Besides, why would you want to offend someone? I think that if you promptly apologize if you do so, then there is no real harm done... if it happens continuously, then you need to reexamine what you think is "appropriate"
2007-03-15 15:10:25 · answer #3 · answered by Tiff 5 · 1⤊ 1⤋
good point, it does take two, however some people intentionally try to make life hell for others and it is quite annoying, one can only ignore a jerk for so long without getting offended,I am not saying you are a jerk, but there are at least two perceptions of reality existing whenever two or more people interact and sometimes no one is to blame, or both parties contribute to or create issues based on the way they communicate
2007-03-15 14:58:05 · answer #4 · answered by Ice queen 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You seem to think very little of people's feelings.
2007-03-15 14:54:49 · answer #5 · answered by CALAVA 5 · 1⤊ 1⤋