Teetotal Wedding.?

Question

My fiancee is an alcoholic. Were getting married in August.
Obviously he cant drink, and whilst I love love 1 or 2 glasses on my big day...im not obessesive. I worried that if we have a complete teetotal wedding people leave the reception very quickly to get to the pub!
Im not comfortable about having alcohol their as i think it would only be rubbing salt in his wounds.....any idea's?

Answer 1

You really need to let him decide this. Personally, I think having a completely teetotal wedding so as not to upset the alcoholic groom could be somewhat embarrassing for him. You'd have to explain to every guest why there's no booze (assuming half of them are your family and don't necessarily know his life history) and he might just feel really patronised. I have an alcoholic father and while he doesn't allow any alcohol in his house, and his wife doesn't drink anymore either, he is fine to be around it at parties, in restaurants etc and if we all tiptoed around him I think he'd feel a bit embarrassed and uncomfortable.

Answer 2

I was a qualified addiction counsellor and I do appreciate your worries. A lot does depend on what stage of recovery your finance is at. I am not putting down organisations such as AA but in my training we look upon an entirely different strategy as in alcoholism is not an illness but an addiction and treat it as that. I am not saying this is the best route for your fiance but often we taught to control drinking rather than totally abstain, not saying that's for everyone. Unless your fiance has still not got his drinking under control or he frequently relapses then he must get used to seeing others with alcohol as it is extremely difficult to go through life avoiding restaurants, pubs etc. Despite saying all this I don't think your problem is so much your fiance's circumstances but what you want. It is your big day and you must do what you are going to be most comfortable with. You want to be relaxed and should have your glasses or wine. However, if you know this will have you worried from now until after the wedding go for no alcohol. It is not the B all and end all of a good wedding and those who would leave the wedding reception are just being ignorant. Explain to all before and tell them nicely but straight you don't want anyone leaving and if they feel they can't manage an alcohol free night you would rather they declined the invitation. All the very best for your big day.

Answer 3

First of all, good for you for being so supportive of your fiance's needs and even putting them above your wants. A lot of people wouldn't do that. You could still have a champagne toast and have the waitstaff serve you and your new husband sparkling cider instead. That way the guests would get some tradition, a little to drink, and you would be doing the right thing for your fiance. Since the toast would be a one glass kind of thing, If you had a waitstaff they could wait to serve the champagne until right before the toast. Your husband would never even see it. Or consider having a cocktail hour at the reception for the guests before you arrive. While you and the wedding party are taking pictures, the guests get their cocktails and by the time you get there, the bar would be closed. Just make sure to time it well so that you arrive when the bar has been closed.

Answer 4

My mom is an alcoholic (sober many years) and she tends bar! If your fiance doesn't care about other people drinking, there's no harm in having a champagne toast and you two could toast with sparkling apple juice! And people do expect alcohol at weddings, so I can understand your worry, but I would guess your close friends and family already know he has a problem and I'm sure they'd respect that. I would tend to think an earlier reception would be better, though.

Answer 5

If you aren't comfortable with having alcohol at the wedding, then don't have it. Your guests will understand, although you might get a few people asking you if you are expecting. Not many people drank at my wedding, and it didn't spoil the party.

Have you spoken to your Fiancee about what he/she wants? I'm a recovering alcoholic, and i have no problems being around alcohol. Sometimes other people worry about us too much - I don't have a problem with people having a drink around me. I often go to the pub with my husband, and he drinks at home. My mother is also a recovering alcoholic, and my father drinks. As long as you ask him/her what they think, and really listen, don't let other people influence your decisions. It is important to talk about alcohol otherwise it can drive a wedge between you.

The only thing I ask of my husband is that he doesn't leave open drinks around the house, and that he doesn't drink himself sick. Different things work for different couples, so you need to ask your partner what they want.

Also, a lot of people are suggestion non-alcoholic chamagne or wine - make sure you ask your fiance! A lot of us alcoholics steer clear of anything like this - my mum won't drink non-alcoholic wine or such as it makes her crave alcohol more.

Hope this helps and congratulations on the wedding :)

Answer 6

Entertaining guests at your wedding reception should be in the same style as you entertin guests at home. If it is not your personal custom to serve alcohol at home, then do not serve it at your wedding. It is perfectly OK by etiquette to not serve alcohol if you choose not to. (If people whine and complain, THEY are being rude-- not you. You are being perfectly polite hosts.)

If you wanted a compromise maybe just have very minimal alcohol served, like the option of offering a little wine with dinner, but at other times only soft drinks or non-alcohol punch.

What would NOT be OK is any sort of cash bar-- they are bad manners. There should be NO situations at your wedding or reception where people are paying for something being offered.

Answer 7

I attended a wedding where no alcohol was served and everyone had a good time. There were soft drinks of all kinds and a delicious punch so everyone had plenty to drink. It was just fun celebrating with people you like and care about.

Answer 8

that's a really tricky one. what does he think? if he's happy for people to drink then I'd say allow alcohol. I want to say its your big day and if it would make you happier not to have drink there then dont, but to be honest I think people would leave earlier. i went to a wedding with no booze and not many stayed long at the reception

Answer 9

It doesn't seem like you've spoken to him about this - I should think that's the first thing you need to do. If you can't talk about his alcoholism, you're in trouble before you ever get married.

Sort it out with him, make a decision you can both be happy with, and have a great day!

Answer 10

Talk to him. See what he would be comfortable with. People normally don't leave because there isn't alcohol. If there is good music and they are having a good time is all that matters.