Help with a teacher student situation?!?

Question

A teacher I have is a real ***! The guy felt me up! He's like around 30 and he has a kid. I didn't tell my friends because they would freak out but I don't know what to do. Should I tell my friends, or tell a teacher cause telling my parents is out of the question? It's killing me that I don't know how to handle this, HELP PLEASE!

Answer 1

--You need to go to te principal, the situation will get worse , unless you make it clear that you will not take it. ---- I HAVE been a teacher for over 40 years!

--Right now you are merely a challenge for his lust, so no amount of reasoning will help. If he starts on you yell out loud STOP THAT DON'T TOUCH ME--so that people near by will hear you and make a scene--FORGET ABOUT BEING EMBARRASSED, If you let him to continue this abuse & harassement you will indeed feel bad about yourself!

--If the principal does not respond then ago to the police then tell your parents, if you feel they are going to ridicule you. --YOU DEFINITELY NEED TO DO SOMETHING!

-------EVEN THOUGH THIS IS BASED ON BIBLE PRINCIPLES, THE INFO IS VERY STRAIGHTFORWARD --and WORKS!----------

*** g00 8/22 How Can I Deal With Sexual Harassment? ***

Young People Ask . . .

How Can I Deal With Sexual Harassment?

---“Boys make wolf whistles and catcalls.”—Carla, Ireland.
---“Girls call on the telephone again and again. They try to wear you down.”—Jason, United States.
---“He kept touching my arm and trying to hold my hand.”—Yukiko, Japan.
---“Girls make suggestive comments to me.”—Alexander, Ireland.
---“One boy kept shouting things at me from the school bus. He didn’t really want to go out with me. He was just harassing me.”—Rosilyn, United States.

A FLIRTATIOUS stare, a “compliment” with sexual overtones, an obscene joke, an overtly sexual touch—such treatment, when unwelcome and repeated, often amounts to what can be called sexual harassment. Although global statistics are hard to come by, surveys indicate that most school-age youths in the United States have experienced it.

Just what is sexual harassment? The book Coping With Sexual Harassment and Gender Bias, by Dr. Victoria Shaw, defines it as “bothering someone in a sexual way . . . It can be physical (such as touching someone in a sexual way), verbal (such as making unwelcome comments about someone’s appearance), or nonverbal.” Sometimes the harassment involves crude propositions.

Much of the harassment in school probably comes from your peers. However, in some cases the offending behavior has come from adults, SUCH AS FROM TEACHERS(my caps. An article in Redbook magazine speculates that the relatively small number of teachers who are actually convicted for sexual offenses “probably represents only the tip of the iceberg.”

Women—and sometimes men—were subject to such mistreatment even back in Bible times. (Genesis 39:7; Ruth 2:8, 9, 15) And the Bible made this grim prediction: “There will be difficult times in the last days. People will be selfish, greedy, boastful, and conceited; they will be insulting . . . ; they will be unkind, merciless, slanderers, violent, and fierce.” (2 Timothy 3:1-3, Today’s English Version) So it is possible, even likely, that you will encounter sexual harassment yourself.

God’s View

Admittedly, not all youths are distressed by sexually aggressive behavior. Some may find it amusing—or even flattering. One disturbing U.S. survey showed that among victims of sexual harassment, 75 percent admitted that they themselves had harassed others. Some adults may aggravate the problem by downplaying the seriousness of sexually aggressive behavior, brushing it off as just childish experimentation. But how does God view it?

God’s Word, the Bible, clearly condemns all forms of sexual harassment. We are told not to “encroach upon the rights” of others by violating sexual boundaries. (1 Thessalonians 4:3-8) In fact, young men are specifically commanded to treat “younger women as sisters with all chasteness.” (1 Timothy 5:1, 2) Furthermore, the Bible condemns “obscene jesting.” (Ephesians 5:3, 4) Therefore, you have a right to feel angry, upset, confused, and even demeaned when you are harassed!

What Do I Say?

How, then, should you react if someone bothers you in this way? Sometimes a weak or vague response only makes a harasser try harder. The Bible tells us that when Joseph was propositioned by his employer’s wife, he did not simply ignore her. Instead, he firmly rejected her immoral advances. (Genesis 39:8, 9, 12) Today, being firm and direct is still the best way to fend off harassment.

True, the one bothering you might not mean to offend you. What looks like harassment may actually be an unpolished attempt to attract your attention. So do not feel that you have to resort to uncouth behavior yourself to halt an unwanted advance. Simply saying something like, ‘I don’t like that kind of talk’ or, ‘Keep your hands to yourself, please’ may get your point across. However you word it, do not water down your message. Let your no mean no! Young Andrea puts it this way: “If they don’t catch on to your kind hints, you have to tell them straight out. It often comes to that.” A firm ‘Cut it out!’ may do the job.

If the situation escalates, do not try to handle things alone. Try talking it over with your parents or other mature adults. They may have some practical suggestions for dealing with the situation. As a last resort, they may even feel it necessary to alert school officials. As uncomfortable as doing so might make you, it could protect you from further victimization.

Preventing Harassment

Of course, it’s best to avoid being victimized in the first place. What might help in this regard? Andrea advises: “Never give the impression that maybe you are kind of interested. Others will hear about it, and the pressure will continue.” The way you dress can play a major role. Young Mara says: “I don’t dress like a grandmother, but I do avoid clothes that attract attention to my body.” Rejecting sexual advances while at the same time wearing provocative clothes may be sending a mixed message. The Bible recommends dressing “with modesty and soundness of mind.”—1 Timothy 2:9.

Your choice of friends also affects how you are treated. (Proverbs 13:20) Rosilyn observes: “When some of the girls in a group like the attention from guys, the guys may assume that all the girls in the group feel the same way.” Carla made the same point: “If you hang around with ones who give in to the remarks or who enjoy the attention, then you will get harassed too.”

The Bible tells of a young girl named Dinah who associated with girls from Canaan—where women were known for their loose behavior. This led to her being sexually assaulted. (Genesis 34:1, 2) With good reason the Bible states: “Keep strict watch that how you walk is not as unwise but as wise persons.” (Ephesians 5:15) Yes, being “strict” about how you dress, how you speak, and with whom you associate can do much to protect you from harassment.

For Christian youths, however, one of the most effective ways of fending off harassment is simply to let others know of your religious stand. Young Timon, one of Jehovah’s Witnesses, recalls: “The kids knew that I was a Witness, so that stopped almost all the harassment.” Andrea observes: “Telling them you are a Witness makes a big difference. They will realize that in many ways you are different from them and that you have strict moral standards.”—Matthew 5:15, 16.

If You Are Harassed

Try as you may, you cannot entirely escape rude, abusive people. But if you are the victim of a harasser, there is no reason for you to pummel yourself with guilt—as long as you have behaved like a Christian. (1 Peter 3:16, 17) If the situation distresses you emotionally, find support by talking to your parents or to mature ones in the Christian congregation. Rosilyn admits that it’s hard to feel good about yourself when you are being harassed. “Just having companionship,” she says, “someone you can talk to, is very good.” Remember, too, that “Jehovah is near to all those calling upon him.”—Psalm 145:18, 19.

Taking a stand against mistreatment is not easy, but it is worth it. Consider, for example, the Bible account of a young woman from Shunem. Although she was not really harassed as the term is commonly understood today, she did receive unwanted advances from Solomon, the rich and powerful king of Judah. Because she was in love with another man, she resisted those advances. She could therefore say of herself with pride, “I am a wall.”—Song of Solomon 8:4, 10.

Show the same moral fiber and determination yourself. Be a “wall” when it comes to unwanted advances. Make your Christian stand clear to everyone around you. By doing so, you can remain “blameless and innocent” and have the confidence that you have pleased God.—Philippians 2:15.

MORE INFO:

*** g96 5/22 pp. 9-10 Sexual Harassment—How to Protect Yourself ***

If You Are Harassed

Of course, some men will make improper advances even when a woman conducts herself impeccably. How should you respond to such advances if you are targeted? Some have recommended simply taking the whole thing in stride! ‘Office sex is the spice of life!’ says one woman. However, far from viewing such inappropriate attention as humorous or flattering, true Christians are repulsed by it. They “abhor what is wicked” and realize that the intent of such advances is usually to lure one into sexual immorality. (Romans 12:9; compare 2 Timothy 3:6.) At the very least, the crude behavior is an affront to their Christian dignity. (Compare 1 Thessalonians 4:7, 8.) How can you handle such situations?

1. Take a stand! The Bible tells us how a God-fearing man named Joseph responded to immoral propositions: “Now after these things it came about that the wife of his master began to raise her eyes toward Joseph and say: ‘Lie down with me.’” Did Joseph simply ignore her overtures, hoping that the problem would go away by itself? On the contrary! The Bible says that he boldly refused her advances, saying: “How could I commit this great badness and actually sin against God?”—Genesis 39:7-9.

Joseph’s actions set a good example for both men and women. Ignoring—or worse yet, being intimidated by—suggestive speech or aggressive behavior rarely makes it go away; if anything, fear or diffidence may cause it to escalate! Rape prevention counselor Martha Langelan cautions that rapists often use sexual harassment as a “way to gauge the likelihood that a woman will fight back in an assault; if she is passive and timid when harassed, they assume she will be passive and terrified when attacked.” It is therefore critical that you take a stand at the first sign of harassment. According to one writer, “saying no immediately and clearly is often enough to make the harasser stop the offensive behavior.”

2. Let your no mean no! Jesus said that in his Sermon on the Mount. (Matthew 5:37) His statement is appropriate for these circumstances, since harassers are often quite persistent. Just how firm do you need to be? That depends on the circumstances and the response of the harasser. Use whatever degree of firmness is necessary to get your point across. In some cases, a simple, direct statement in a calm tone of voice will suffice. Make eye contact. Experts suggest the following: (a) State your feelings. (“I do not like it at all when you . . .”) (b) Specifically name the offensive behavior. (“. . . when you use crude, vulgar language . . .”) (c) Make clear what you want the person to do. (“I want you to stop speaking to me that way!”)

“In no case, however,” Langelan cautions, “does a confrontation step over the line into aggression. Counteraggression (using insults, threats, and verbal abuse, throwing a punch, spitting on a harasser) is counterproductive. Verbal violence is dangerous, and there is no need to use physical violence unless there is an actual physical attack that requires self-defense.” Such practical advice accords with the Bible’s words at Romans 12:17: “Return evil for evil to no one.”

What if the harassment continues in spite of your best efforts to stop it? Some companies have set procedures for dealing with sexual harassment. Often the mere threat of initiating a company grievance procedure will make your harasser leave you alone. Then again, it may not. Sad to say, finding a sympathetic supervisor is not always an easy task for either women or men. Glen, who says he was harassed by a female employee, tried complaining. He recalls: “When I told the boss about it, I got no help at all. In fact, he thought it was hilarious. I just had to watch out for the woman and go out of my way to avoid her.”

Some have tried legal action. But the huge judgments in lawsuits you read about in the media are hardly typical. Besides, the book Talking Back to Sexual Pressure warns: “Legal remedies against harassment require tremendous emotional energy and time; they result in physical as well as mental stress.” With good reason the Bible cautions: “Do not go forth to conduct a legal case hastily.” (Proverbs 25:8) After counting the emotional and spiritual costs of legal action, some have preferred to seek other employment.

--DO NOT FORGET TAKE DEFINITE ACTION!

Answer 2

On the student/teacher relationship: The student is young and immature, she is in college and experimenting. She doesn't know what she wants out of life, but in the meantime is going to earn herself a label as a "homewrecker" if she persues a relationship with this former teacher/coach of hers. The coach is going to tarnish his reputation for being a good family man, teacher and coach by persuing a relationship with this former student. The couple can tell everyone until they are blue in the face that they never had a relationship while the student was underage and still in school there, but nobody will believe them. They will both be ostriscized and it will be ugly. As for the marriage and divorce: I think someone is being lied to about him and his wife having problems over the past 10 years. If they were having trouble all that time they would not have 3 children under the age of 6...you don't procreate with someone that you are having problems with. I also think that the former student is choosing to believe these lies because it makes her feel better about being a homewrecker. Ya know- when I first started reading this question I couldn't decide if you were the wife or the student...your 2nd to last paragraph gave you away when you started to bash the wife and blame her for the marital problems. Keep in mind that it takes 2 to make a marriage and it takes 2 to break a marriage. If your coach is telling you that he did nothing wrong- he's lying! He's not going to be 100% honest with you about what he's done wrong in the marriage- nobody likes to point out their own flaws. Here's an idea- let the grown ups handle their own business then you can swoop in and pick up the pieces of his broken heart IF he does leave his wife and kids (which they never do!). Good luck with that. It always kills me when homewreckers come on here and post questions about how terrible the wife is. You don't know both sides of the story...what if they are having trouble and it all stemmed from another affair that he had before you were even a student there? Quit looking for validation- you're not going to get it on here. This site is filled with people who have tons of life experience especially when it comes to divorces and cheating spouses, etc. We see right through your "unbiased" question.

Answer 3

You need to tell the prinipal or another teacher at least if you're not going to tell your parents. If he has done this to you then he's probably done it to others and he can't get away with it. Another thing is that if you are under age, and you tell a teacher then the teacher will more than likely tell your parents as well. But don't worry about them freaking out. Let them do what they feel necessary to keep their daughter safe. Besides, with them backing your up you may not feel so alone or confused. Trust me, if you don't do something about it then your teacher will do it again to you.

Answer 4

You need to tell a teacher or Counselor right now, you should have when he did it but that's OK. He has no right to touch you just like any other person has the right. Tell your parents too, You don't need to tell your friends right now go to an adult.

Answer 5

The teacher is slime. I know it is hard to talk to some parents, but...if you tell anyone in authority, your parents are going to find out. I would suggest reporting this to the police; however, again, your parents will find out.

If you decide not to tell anyone (though I think you should) tell that teacher that this will NOT happen again. Let him know that he is not to ever touch you again. If he starts hassling you after that, then you will have to report him.

Answer 6

You really need to tell someone - principal, consolar, parent. If this guy isn't put in his place he may get bold enough to go further. Another thing, don't get in a situation where you are alone with him again, always keep a friend around you to help protect yourself.

Answer 7

I know it is easier to say than to do but you have to tell someone in authority. Whomever it is easiest for you to talk to such as a councilor or principal or vice-principal. Tell your parents, too. If you don' t he will do it again to you or someone else. And if that someone else tells on him and they do a big investigation and everyone finds out that he did it to you, too but you didn't tell, you may be looked upon as some kind of spaz or something.

Answer 8

Report it to the principal, the cops, another teacher you trust, a school counselor. I would tell my parents, because they'd do something about it, but you have to tell SOMEONE. I'm sorry to hear about this.

Answer 9

If your school has a guidance councler ask during break/recess if you can go talk to her/him. Tell him/her what happened and then wait because later she will tell the principle and she/he will fire him and maby you will get a normal teacher.

Answer 10

Tell a person of authority. he has absolutely no right to touch you at all. He sexually molested you and deserves to be punished for it. Tell another teacher, your parents, principle, someone with authority. If he did this to youhe should be fired and punished by the legal system. PLEASE DON'T KEEP THIS TO YOURSELF. my gf was abused and she didn't tell anyone for a long time, and it took a serious toll on her. Please do this for yourself and report it.

Answer 11

Tell the school psychologist or guidance counselor.