Parent Discipline?

Question

Im interested in the way parents correct their children in this day and age..How do you correct yours? pros and cons of of giving a corrective spank once in while? What is your view on this counterversile subject.

Answer 1

First of all, there is a huge difference between abuse and spanking.

I was a very rebellious/belligerent child from the get-go. Suspension or putting me in a "time out" didn't work; I would just defy them and walk right back out. Because of this, everyone spanked me... my grandfather said that he spanked me more than all his children and grandchildren put together. I believe if they had not spanked me, I would have ended up in prison or worse. As it is, I have had zero infractions of the law in my life (not even a speeding ticket), and have absolutely no violent tendencies. But, they also gave me lots and lots of positive reinforcement (that is just as important). I love them with all my heart and I'm so glad they wailed on my bottom... I really needed it.

Those people who give those rubbishy arguments against spanking don't have a clue. I have a super high self-esteem and spanking didn't teach me to hit... I got spanked for hitting people. Look at how the children are ending up these days. Just how many school shootings, violence, rebellion, etc. have we had from children who were not spanked? As people quit spanking more and more, these things will continually go up more and more. Just look at the statistics from back in the days when people spanked.

And by the way, “Spare the rod and spoil the child” is a line by the 17th century English poet Samuel Butler, not the Bible (I just see that a lot on these "spanking" questions). The Bible says, "He who spares the rod hates his son, but he who loves him is careful to discipline him" (Proverbs 13:24). But I definitely believe that both statements are true.

Answer 2

It is really important, when dealing with children, to be clear and consistent - not only when dealing with discipline, but always. Children need limits, and parents need to follow through with consequences, not just threaten to do something or to take something away, etc. I am a big believer in the actions have rewards and consequences theory, and share that often. I also believe children need to have choices, but parents need to guide as well. When my son is doing something he shouldn't be doing, I firmly ask him to discontinue the behavior. I let him know if he chooses to continue, there will be a consequence for his actions, and I let him know what the consequence is - then follow through with it. If you threaten a consequence, but don't follow through, kids get the message that the behavior you are trying to correct is okay. I do believe in a corrective spank from time to time; some times it is the only way to successfully get the child's attention, and when the behavior is dangerous, you need to stop it immediately. The downside to this is you can easily reach the point where you are spanking in anger, and that is bad for both parent and child. I don't believe an occasional swat on the backside is going to turn a child into a future child abuser, but parents must be careful to use it appropriately and not lash out in anger and frustration.

Answer 3

Here is what I have observed in real life. The children I know who were spanked were more defiant and harder to control than the children who weren't. If you use corporal punishment on your children, how will you control them when they become teenagers and you can't?
In my personal experience, I found that when I used corporal punish it merely escalated the situation and did not have the results that I had hoped for. I also found that if you allow yourself to spank your children you are simply more likely to hit them even on a first offense or for minor things. It really is a slippery slope from spanking to abuse.
Finally, if you want proof that spanking is unnecessary and counter productive, watch a few episodes of super nanny. Some of those children are truly nightmares until they come under the hand of discipline.

Answer 4

The child's self-image begins with how he perceives that others – especially his parents – perceive him Even in the most loving homes, spanking gives a confusing message, especially to a child too young to understand the reason for the whack. Parents spend a lot of time building up their baby or child's sense of being valued, helping the child feel "good." Then the child breaks a glass, you spank, and he feels, "I must be bad."
Even a guilt-relieving hug from a parent after a spank doesn't remove the sting. The child is likely to feel the hit, inside and out, long after the hug. Most children put in this situation will hug to ask for mercy. "If I hug him, daddy will stop hitting me." When spanking is repeated over and over, one message is driven home to the child, "You are weak and defenseless."
Joan, a loving mother, sincerely believed that spanking was a parental right and obligation needed to turn out an obedient child. She felt spanking was "for the child's own good." After several months of spank-controlled discipline, her toddler became withdrawn. She would notice him playing alone in the corner, not interested in playmates, and avoiding eye contact with her. He had lost his previous sparkle. Outwardly he was a "good boy." Inwardly, Spencer thought he was a bad boy. He didn't feel right and he didn't act right. Spanking made him feel smaller and weaker, overpowered by people bigger than him.

Answer 5

Many studies show the futility of spanking as a disciplinary technique, but none show its usefulness. In the past thirty years in pediatric practice, we have observed thousands of families who have tried spanking and found it doesn't work. Our general impression is that parents spank less as their experience increases. Spanking doesn't work for the child, for the parents, or for society. Spanking does not promote good behavior, it creates a distance between parent and child, and it contributes to a violent society. Parents who rely on punishment as their primary mode of discipline don't grow in their knowledge of their child. It keeps them from creating better alternatives, which would help them to know their child and build a better relationship. In the process of raising our own eight children, we have also concluded that spanking doesn't work. We found ourselves spanking less and less as our experience and the number of children increased. In our home, we have programmed ourselves against spanking and are committed to creating an attitude within our children, and an atmosphere within our home, that renders spanking unnecessary. Since spanking is not an option, we have been forced to come up with better alternatives. This has not only made us better parents, but in the long run we believe it has created more sensitive and well-behaved children.

Answer 6

Spanking makes a child's behavior worse, not better. Here's why. Remember the basis for promoting desirable behavior: The child who feels right acts right. Spanking undermines this principle. A child who is hit feels wrong inside and this shows up in his behavior. The more he misbehaves, the more he gets spanked and the worse he feels. The cycle continues. We want the child to know that he did wrong, and to feel remorse, but to still believe that he is a person who has value.
Bringing up a child is not a game for older people like wen you were a child and played with dolls.Children are beautiful like dolls but they are not dolls,they are people.

Answer 7

There is a classic story about the mother who believed in spanking as a necessary part of discipline until one day she observed her three- year-old daughter hitting her one-year-old son. When confronted, her daughter said, "I'm just playing mommy." This mother never spanked another child.Children love to imitate, especially people whom they love and respect. They perceive that it's okay for them to do whatever you do. Parents, remember, you are bringing up someone else's mother or father, and wife or husband. The same discipline techniques you employ with your children are the ones they are most likely to carry on in their own parenting. The family is a training camp for teaching children how to handle conflicts. Studies show that children from spanking families are more likely to use aggression to handle conflicts when they become adults.
Spanking demonstrates that it's all right for people to hit people, and especially for big people to hit little people, and stronger people to hit weaker people. Children learn that when you have a problem you solve it with a good swat. A child whose behavior is controlled by spanking is likely to carry on this mode of interaction into other relationships with siblings and peers, and eventually a spouse and offspring.
But, you say, "I don't spank my child that often or that hard. Most of the time I show him lots of love and gentleness. An occasional swat on the bottom won't bother him." This rationalization holds true for some children, but other children remember spanking messages more than nurturing ones. You may have a hug-hit ratio of 100:1 in your home, but you run the risk of your child remembering and being influenced more by the one hit than the 100 hugs, especially if that hit was delivered in anger or unjustly, which happens all too often.
Physical punishment shows that it's all right to vent your anger or right a wrong by hitting other people. This is why the parent's attitude during the spanking leaves as great an impression as the swat itself. How to control one's angry impulses (swat control) is one of the things you are trying to teach your children. Spanking sabotages this teaching. Spanking guidelines usually give the warning to never spank in anger. If this guideline were to be faithfully observed 99 percent of spanking wouldn't occur, because once the parent has calmed down he or she can come up with a more appropriate method of correction.

Answer 8

We don't believe in spanking in our house. In fact we believe it is very harmful. I have 3 kids , 2 girls 10 and 7, and a 5 years old boy who have never been spanked.

I believe the key to a good education is patience and consistency. Kids need to feel secure and loved.

From when they were babies til about 5 we were both full time supervising parents preventing them from touching dangerous things. It is through preventing several times that kids learn. We also tried to minimize stress the most we could. For instance giving few choices for small kids. When they were little we asked them to help us with putting the toys away, until they are old enough to do it alone, with our help.

With older than 6 we talk a lot. We always try to understand why our kids do the things they do. We involve them a lot in the activities of the house. And we try to make everything as much possible as a communal activity.

We also avoid saying unnecessary no´s sticking to the important ones. We do always stick to our promises. We very rarely have to punish our kids. When it happens with the little one we ground a toy. With the old ones time out, but that is sooo rare I cannot even think when was the last time. We always speak in a low voice, and incentive both boys and girls to play with dolls and cars.

Most of all we support our kids in their inquisitions. We go to museums, theater plays, play music together and always joined play activities, yoga classes etc.. TV watching is highly restricted and we always emphasize story telling, playing with water, making up games, and plays, cooking together ( there is great book I highly recommend called ´the family cookbook´)

Overall, my wife and I are very patient and calm people. We dont have much problems with our kids at all. We teach them to respect differences. To attack arguments but never individuals.

Answer 9

I don't need to spank my children because they learn much more from their mistakes when I react like a person,than when I react like an ape.I don't like hitting them as I'm sure they don't like too.When they make a mistake I don't want them to feel they have made a horrible sin/I just follow consequences.If they misbehave in a restaurant,we quietly leave the restaurant and stay in the car until they are ready to behave.When they make something dangerous I grab their hands and take them away from the dangerous thing explaining why it is dangerous and telling them they need more information if they want to do that dangerous thing.I never make them think they are uncapable of doing anything.I always tell them they can do everything but they just need to have enough information about it before doing it.

Answer 10

Most discipline problems can be handled by just taking the time to assess the strength of your parent-child connection, using commonsense techniques, and trying one approach after another until you find what works. Yet there are times when you need outside help. Consider two different types of counselors. Consult experienced, happy parents whose advice you value. They can offer practical tips to make living with your child easier. You may need to dig more deeply into disciplining yourself in order to discipline your child. You may require the help of a therapist. Here are some red flags that mean you are at risk for disciplining unwisely.
Yelling . Do you go into frequent rages that are out of control, calling your child names ("Brat," "Damn kid") and causing your child to recoil and retreat? This means that you are letting your child punch your anger buttons too easily, that you may not have control of your anger buttons, or that there are simply too many anger buttons.
Mirroring unhappiness. Do you walk around all day reflecting to your child that you are unhappy as a person and as a parent? Kids take this personally. If they bring you no joy, they must be no good. Life is a "downer."
Parentifying . Are your children taking care of you instead of vice versa? Are you crying and complaining a lot and showing immature overreactions to accidents or misbehaviors? This scares children. You're supposed to be the parent, the one in control protecting them.
Blame shifting . Do you unload your mistakes on your kids or your spouse? If so, children learn that the way you deal with problems is to avoid taking personal responsibility for them, and that somehow these problems are just too big for you to manage or that you don't know how to ask for help.
Modeling perfection . Are you intolerant of even trivial mistakes made by yourself or your child? The child gets the message that mistakes are horrible to make. This is particularly difficult for the "sponge child," the one who soaks up your attitudes and becomes too hard on himself.
Spanking more. Are slaps and straps showing up in your corrections? Are most of your interactions with your child on a negative note?
A fearing family. Is your child afraid of you? Does she cringe when you raise your voice and keep a "safe" distance from you? Is your child becoming emotionally flat, fearing the consequences of expressing her emotions?