Mother was murdered in a kidnap/robbery 7 years ago in November. Father finished building thier dream house out in the country 6 yrs ago, that mom never got to see. Is in financial debt up to his ears, keeps making bad decisions, as to keep refinancing house, credit cards, overall stupid money-wasting decisions. Uses lack of money as excuse to not actively date (even though shows interest?), he is 30 minutes away from EVERYTHING AND EVERYBODY. Feel that if he moves closer in town, he can be closer to his 3 kids, and thier families, his grandkids, my mother's family, and find a better job, and perhaps have extra money to spend instead of on a 4 bedroom house that no one uses except for him.
How do my aunt and I propose this of which is OUR better idea of life for him (better opportunity) without him feeling completely like everything he's done in 7 years is WRONG. He still goes to monthly Grief meetings....... help.
2007-03-15 06:52:02 · 9 answers · asked by it'sjustme79 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
Everyone grieves differently, I recently lost my husband to cancer, the emotional pain is great, it can be over whelming most times.
I know that if my family constantly told me shes gone move on even after six years it would push me into pulling away from everyone.
Please keep an eye on him the best you can, go pick him up and bring him to your house for dinner invite other people and make it a dinner party.
Start taking interest in him besides expecting him to move on with his life. Your mom apparently was a special person that your father loved dearly.
2007-03-15 13:59:26 · answer #1 · answered by Marla D 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No he is not wrong for the past 7 years, thinking of his wife in his own way of grieving. Money is not want he cares about, finishing a dream he had with his loved one.Let him finish it.
Losing a spouse is hard on the other person that was left behind trying to find himself again.
Take him out ! Show him that he needs to find a reason to live . He will find happiness one day and plus he has his family there for support.
Happy
2007-03-19 06:24:51 · answer #2 · answered by star58 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your dad seems terribly depressed. I went through the same thing with my dad after my mom passed away. He was lost. If anybody knocked on his door selling something, he bought it.
Your best bet is to get dad to see a therapist or even his family doctor. A little medication can work wonders. If he is still attending grief counselling meetings after all these years, he's not grieving....he's lonely and afraid. Keeping that big house is probably his way of hanging on to a part of your mom.
I can relate to what you're going through......a little therapy and a little medication will work wonders ..... it did for our family.
Good luck and God bless your dad.
2007-03-15 07:00:54 · answer #3 · answered by Jack 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
what you feel your father might need, isn't necessarily what your father wants.
you can be supportive of your father, and ask him if he's ever thought of moving closer to town... and leave it at that -- unless he wants to expand on the conversation. meanwhile, i'm sure he knows he has options.
since your father is an adult man, he's fully aware of his debt issues and will do something about it when he is ready.
give him advice when he ASKS for some.
your father may still be grieving, and it's good he goes to the meetings every month. he will date when he feels like it, and do what he wants in his own, good time.
meanwhile, it might be a good idea to focus on your own life... that's probably the most helpful thing you can do for your father.
2007-03-15 07:01:06 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
you at the instant are not being insentitive SHE IS. you had desires whilst your father in regulation became living and you certainly have them comparable desires now. enable her understand that modifications might desire to be made ASAP in view which you're completely unhappy and you will develop resentment in direction of her mom if the matters are resolved. or/and you will possibly be able to communicate to the mum. locate the mum some new acquaintances and a clean guy to take her time up. GodBless
2016-10-18 11:13:32 · answer #5 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
While you and your aunt feel he needs to live elsewhere, clearly your father is still having a terrible time coming to grips with your mother's death, especially under the circumstances of her death. Their dream house is really the only tangible thing he has left of her, and if you are not careful in how you approach him, he will feel that you are trying to take that away from him. Seven years is a long time, but when people love each other deeply, sometimes they never get over losing someone. The fact that he is still attending grief meetings speaks volumes.
I think though that your father's lifestyle and his need to continue with grief counseling shows that he is not doing well and needs help from those who love him. Rather than seeking to relocate him right now, is there a way he can go to a different grief group or see a different counselor? He may be lonely and finds that the group he goes to understands his pain and provides friendship to him in his loneliness. Even though he has his children and grandchildren to love him, he seems unable to step out of his comfort zone, and that is to be in familiar surroundings and be with others who share his pain.
You say he is interested in dating but comes up with excuses not to. I think that if there is any way that you can help him to feel that you or your siblings, or that your mother's family NEED him for something and encourage him to visit to help out, that might make him step out of that comfort zone and do something for someone else, which would help him to feel needed and valued. Perhaps introducing him to a woman who he could share common interests in, even if it is just for friendship, would be a step in the right direction.
It's hard to have the answers, but I will say, because I saw my own mother grieve when my father died (my mother is now dead also), that you have to allow your father to feel as he feels. He needs to be allowed his dignity and self-respect. Trying to fix his life is a noble thing, but he may perceive it as his own children saying he is incapable of taking care of his life and his own affairs. That could only add to his depression. I think that rather than gentle persuasion, which could make him feel disrespected, distracting him by providing opportunities for him to see that there are numerous ways to enjoy life, and by giving him chances to feel needed and useful to you and your family, could be beneficial in getting him out of his slump.
I wish all the best to your and your father. He is blessed to have such a caring child.
2007-03-15 07:09:50 · answer #6 · answered by Chimichanga to go please!! 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i am sorry for your dad, but wish you talked him to doing something new to change his life. he loved your mother so much and she was his support.he needs support and that is why he goes to those grieving meetings, be his support and let him learn how to move on.
love him more he needs it
good luck
2007-03-15 06:59:57 · answer #7 · answered by mini-haven 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
hunny, let him solve it his own way... he is still grieving for your mom, and its no wonder! he will come to himself soon enough... for now, be there to talk to him...
2007-03-15 06:57:56 · answer #8 · answered by bronzebabekentucky 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
eeek, that just wrong.
2007-03-15 07:00:17 · answer #9 · answered by Symbolic User 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋