I am in need of some good advice. I am engaged and 36 weeks pregnant. The father and I are not getting along at all, alot has to do with the fact that we barely knew eachother when I got pregnant. However, we did fall in love and everything appeared fine. For the past 3 months, we have had some serious arguments that I am having trouble letting go of. My mother and family want him gone, I belive this is so she may have the baby to herself.(She is very controlling) Every one that knows him tells me to get away while I can, Etc.... I know he loves me though. I can tell, he looks at me the way no other has looked, he holds me so gentle when we are alone, and speaks about nothing but the two of us building a life together. However, during our arguments, he kicks me out takes my phone my ring and the car. I cant risk this when I have a young baby in the world in four weeks. I am to see an apt. today that is unbeatable for its condition and price. But I love him... What should I do?
2007-03-15 05:53:48 · 19 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
You should have thougth this through before you got pregnant. that being said you need to think of you and your baby. If he was such a great guy. He would not kick you while pregnant. He is trying to control you. Your mother may be controlling but you know your mother would help you out. Think about what would happen if he throws you out after the baby is born. then you and your baby are on the streets. if he does this often then think about what it would be like to uproot the baby all the time. Then there is the fact that he throws you out but does not let you take the baby. I think you need to get a place of your own. one where he can not throw you out. make him keep his own apartment.
you need to get to know each other again. See what it is you fell in love with. See if he is really in love with you . You do not throw some one you love out every time you get angry. Just cause you are pregnant does not mean you have to get married. And that would definitely be the wrong reason to get married your baby would go through hell. for that.
please think about this very carefully. obviously you have warning bells going off. listen to them and your instincs if your instincs are questioning things then something is very wrong.
Good luck and I pray things go well for you.
For the record I did this I know what you are going through. email if you need to
2007-03-15 06:19:36 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Get your own apt.Have your beautiful new baby and take your time making your decision on the father and your relationship.
Your mother and father cannot nor should they try to influence you about him.This has to be your decision.
Of course let him be involved with your child but I think you both need time apart to decide on what to do.If he's kicking you out and taking things away from you now.....what will happen next.Some counselling may help a lot if you're both willing.If not, go on your own.
Right now you have to take care of yourself and your unborn child.You are at a very emotional time in your life now and speaking with a counsellor would be good for you.Someone who is not emotionally involved.You could also speak with your doctor as he will understand.
Please just take your time and concentrate on your baby.He (she) will need all your time and attention and will love you unconditionally.
The very best to both of you.
2007-03-15 13:45:27 · answer #2 · answered by sonnyboy 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Slow your road. You know, at this juncture you need to think about your child not yourself. If he gets angry like that and kicks out and whatnot, what's next? When someone reveals themself to you, take heed. . think about what kind of environment your child will be in with this going on. You know that's one thing as women we don't do and that's set standards of how we want to be treated, if you put up with it now, he'll expect that he can get away with it and keep right on doing it because YOU ALLOW IT. If you move forward him know that you're going to keep experiencing the same immature behavior and maybe even on a grander scale because a baby is a blessing but it also can bring stress to an already "shaky" situation. Think about this one girlfriend. . better stand for something now, or take the fall later.
2007-03-15 13:16:17 · answer #3 · answered by Cris 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The way he treats you, from what you describe, is NOT acceptable. Love would be him being there right now in a supportive way, as the baby us due. If i were in your shoes, I would definitely get the apartment, establish custody and support, and go on with my life. I would be civil, but not involved with him and focus on the child. You dont have to hate the guy, but he is not helping you get anywhere. Do NOT be intimate with him. He will try to control you. Build a support group of good people and mentors and be a good mom. You dont have to talk bad about him to your child, you can be decent. Just move forward. You do not need two children ( one overgrown!) to deal with. You can do it!
2007-03-15 13:07:58 · answer #4 · answered by Cassie 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
listen hear, you need to think about your child. your child will thank you nobody else. if treats you like this while you are pregnant. it is not going to get any better. this one girl i went to school with she was in the same situation as you are then after the baby came it got worse before it got better. she ended up married arguing and fighting everyday until her child (2 year old) told her how he felt. you make think your child will not know the difference if you stay but he or she will and they will resent you for not making their living situation better. so I think you should go and see the apartment. if you like it take it because although your mother may want the child all to herself. her and your family are right you need to get out before it is too late.
good luck please take my advice but if you don't at least do what is in the best interest of your child. your child deserves so much more.
2007-03-15 13:05:31 · answer #5 · answered by Blessed and Happy 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He's an abuser and he's not going to change. Do you really want to bring this baby into the world under these circumstances? Can you live with yourself if your child is injured by this jerk? Do you know how you'll explain the bruises on your face? Do you want your child to view this type of behavior as normal?
Think about it. Run away from this guy. Although your parents may have an ulterior motive, they are right on this one.
2007-03-15 13:03:00 · answer #6 · answered by katydid 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
GET OUT.
I was in this same mess. Pregnant with a man I didn't know very long and trying to convince myself he was going to be fine for our little family. But he wasn't. He didn't want us anymore after the baby came. It tied him down, and got in the way of his new love lives outside of our "relationship" and got in the way of his fun time. I stayed with him for almost TWO YEARS after the baby was born, and it was the biggest mistake ever. Around our son's 2nd birthday, I started dating a man from my work, and my son's dad and I made plans to move apart. I found an apartment closer to my work, he found one closer to his university. We both have new significant others and it is a VERY good situation. We still get along, but I don't have to put up with his yelling and his controllig violent behavior when he gets mad. Our son splits his time between our houses and we get a long MUCH better than when we were trying to fake being a family.
Please get out. I wouldn't have wanted to hear that from some stranger when I was confused and "in love" at 36 weeks pregnant, but it's the very best for your life, and your baby's life. Good luck.
2007-03-15 13:00:45 · answer #7 · answered by chaotic_mum 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
first of all you should of took time and got to know him and really found out what he was about i understand everyone argues but remeber you pregnant and that is number 1 now in your life if he love you he would fixs things up with you ,now everything changes you are ahveing a baby that is impotant for the both of ya to talk together as a family to be and learn how to get along well as for your mom well she always going to be your mom no matter what but you need to move on with your life and be happy with the baby well if he really loves you get everything fixed and go to counsle for the sake of the baby dont worry if ya love each other then work things out
2007-03-15 13:17:38 · answer #8 · answered by beatriz_pacheco37 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If people that know him are telling you to run then RUN! Alot of times people stay in relationships and ignore the warning signs (taking your phone ans car). Don't get swept up in how he acts toward you when he's happy and call off his bad habits. If your are pregnant and he kicks you out do you think he is going to treat you any better when the baby is here?
2007-03-15 13:35:19 · answer #9 · answered by gloriousnina 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
take time out for yourself and meditate what YOU want to do. Staying with this guy could put you in jeopardy of being a victim of spousal abuse for as long as you remain with him. Not only do you put yourself in danger, but also the child you are expecting
Also, you, yourself and only you is responsible for your life. You parents can only guide you hoping you avoid pitfalls and mistakes that can ruin your life. Think about it: You will be a parent soon, 14-15 years from now you will begin to experience all the things you have put your parents through
If it was your daughter in the same situation that you are in right now, how would you feel?
2007-03-15 13:14:18 · answer #10 · answered by Armandito 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋