My husband and I married when she was 6. She and I were all alone, fending for ourselves before then and were extremely close. Now I have 2 other children ages 3 & 4. They worship her and she loves them, but in the last year or so I feel really disconnected from her. She hangs out with friendsand has school, I'm in school and work as well. What can I do to get that closeness back? Keep in mind there are only 24 hours in the day and i have so much that i am responsible for.
2007-03-15 05:39:56 · 20 answers · asked by Anonymous in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Parenting
Even a busy mom has to set aside time for this one. Set aside one night a week as "girls" night. Do things she enjoys, sit and talk, watch a movie together, whatever it takes. Be there for her. If she has school events, attend. Ask her every day how the day was, and let her know if she needs to talk, you're there for her. Right now, she's probably realizing how busy you are and feeling a bit disconnected from you to. I'm mom to 3.
2007-03-15 05:48:05 · answer #1 · answered by Melanie A 4 · 4⤊ 0⤋
Your remarrying was a big thing for her. For 6 years had the pleasure of having mom to herself. Find out what she likes to do. Make time out of your busy schedule to have just a girls day. She is worth your sacrificing a few hours of studying. She probably feels that you don't care as much about her as you once did, seeing as you are so busy. Us mothers know you do. She's only 11. You have to show her. Telling her you love her is easy. But it does a lot of good to actually spend time with her alone. Have someone watch the boys. Make it a special mom and daughter day. That should go along way to mending relationship. Make this a weekly thing. That will establish a pattern that you want to spend time with her. Once and awhile isn't going to cut it. Use one of those special days to explain why you are so busy, but also that you'll always love her. That you look forward to getting your relationship back on track. Big time....Be consistent. If you have lost her at this young age and do not act quickly, you may never get her back.
2007-03-15 05:49:19 · answer #2 · answered by BellaDonna 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think it's important that you connect to her soon, because she's going to go through puberty and then her teens. The last thing you want is to lose touch with her and have her feel that you have no time for her because of the two smaller children. Even though you remarried and she has a step-dad, she knows she's not his child. You were once all she had and now your time has to be partitioned off in multiple directions. Like someone else here said, set aside "special" time that is just for the two of you. Give her lots of genuine praises for good things you notice her doing, and let her know that she can come to you about anything without retribution. Just as you said her younger siblings worship her, she worshiped you! Let her know that you still need her as much as ever and how important she is in your blended family.
2007-03-15 05:55:00 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Actually, u missed that bonding you had with her, but now you have 2 other children 3 & 4 and it's quite a age difference.
You want to show love for all your kids otherwise the kids will pick up on it. Sit down with your 11 year old and see if you both can plan fun time together, as well with the two younger ones.
2007-03-15 05:48:04 · answer #4 · answered by Rose 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Find out what she is interested is and do those activities with her. At this age it is best that you let her know that you are there for her and she can come to you with anything. Ask her how her day was, talk to her about yours, make jokes! Let her know that you feel that you guys arent as close as you used to be and her suggestions on how to change it. Maybe she doesnt need that closeness as uch as you do and you are only going to find that out when you guys talk. Just keep the conversations going and talk about everything especially the impending pressures that are due to take place in her pre-teen and teen years: boys, sex, alcohal, drugs, peer pressure, etc. She needs to hear that you are not judgemental or too busy for her. It might be a very scary time for her right now- you never know
2007-03-15 06:16:16 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Try taking intrest in what she likes. Get a babysitter or have your husband watch the other two kids and take her for a "day of beauty" at a spa. I got one for my girlfriend and she loved it. It costs about $140 but you get the whole nine yards (massage, hair, makeup, nails, manecure... all that stuff). Or if you think she is too young for that or isn't into that kind of stuff, just do something with her that you know she likes. Tell her today that you want to do something with her this weekend or next weekend or whatever so that she will have time to plan her schedule around it and you won't be interfering with her "personal" time.
2007-03-15 05:46:43 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 0⤋
Someone stated that you can't because she's growing up. Well, that is not true at all. I'm 22 and have never had a close relationship with my mom and I'd give anything to have one. All I have to say is that a girl (a child needs their mother). Think about what all is going on in you life that is keeping you from becoming close to you daughter. If it's still hard for you to eliminate things your problem is worst than you think it.
2007-03-15 06:01:01 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
my mom remarried when i was 5 and had twins when i was 12 and and another one when i was 14 so i kinda went through the same thing-- wanted absolutely nothing to do with my parents or family and only cared about hangning out with my friends...now im 20 and i talk to them everyday- we are closer now then we were then.. Best advice i can give is to give her her space.. but also let her know that you are and will ALWAYS be there for her.. and to not forget that shes only 11 cuz when the teenage years come shell most likely develope an attitude more than what she has now..later down the road it'll be something you guys can laugh at.--good luck
2007-03-15 05:46:37 · answer #8 · answered by Briteblueize20 1 · 3⤊ 0⤋
of direction there's a great gamble, in spite of the fact she might sense harm nevertheless which you probably did no longer have faith her like your could of, in basic terms exhibits that she nevertheless cares deeply approximately you. If she is a spouse, mom, and a consultant (i'm assuming she has a job) then she is in all probability in basic terms extremely busy precise now. in spite of each and every thing you comprehend what it is like i'm particular to have a kinfolk and countless different household initiatives. All mothers make errors, it extremely is a complicated job elevating yet another individual and mothers are the time-honored new child care givers. So i do no longer think of you have been a foul mom, if something you taught her the thank you to be a competent mom. the thank you to no longer make the errors you probably did? If she grew up ok then you definately did in basic terms high quality. in basic terms shop being continual in being in her existence and he or she will have the skill to heat as much as you.
2016-10-02 04:16:32 · answer #9 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Leave the other kids with your husband for a day one weekend and take her shopping with you. To the grocery or something. She is going to reach adolescents and completely turn away from you soon so take advantage of your time with her. You also need to be talking to her about important things like, smoking, sex. I think that this is a very important time for her coming up so make it a priority.
Good mom for being concerned!
2007-03-15 05:45:37 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 4⤊ 0⤋