my boyfriend makes an excellent living, let's say, probably makes in 4 months what I make in a year. However, he seems to be cheap when it comes to gift (not only to me but to his family etc.) and I found myself often buying way more for him as I like to spoil him, but in the end, it gets frustrating to see that a box of loose tea will do for you... I know I shouldn't be bothered as we say the gesture itself should count only, but let's be honnest, who really believes that? After a while, it gets frustrating. I mean he is to the point where one day he told me he thought he was treating me really well and mentioned that fact that sometimes he buys me chocolate at the store!!! I almost burst in laughter as to me these were treats and no gifts and this were the gifts my middle school boyfriend offered me. He seems to be persusaded he offers me flowers often when I only had some for Valentine's and for a apology.
Should I say something and how?
2007-03-15 05:26:27 · 9 answers · asked by cb 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
Well, I'd think that having been together with him for 2 years, you might have envisioned this from the start if you had taken the time to gauge his personality and character - about him being relatively frugal that is. The point is, men can be rather clueless when it comes to gifting in relationships; depending on how attuned they are to their companion's needs. Furthermore, having a decent income is no reason to splurge without careful consideration. He could be saving for the future (a house perhaps?). Or he might feel that there is no need to lavish you with extravagant luxuries since true love would transcend all materialistic superficiality anyway. In fact, I've been with my girlfriend for close to 27 months, and have never complained about her not buying expensive stuff for me. Even a cheap pen would suffice, since we both believe that the thought and gesture in itself are more important. There's more to life than just plain exteriority.
On the other hand, if you really do wish to speak to him about this perceived problem, do it and be straight to the point. Guys generally prefer it when their companion is direct rather than ambivalent - it saves time and reduces any miscommunication. Hope that helped. Cheers.
2007-03-15 05:44:20 · answer #1 · answered by Marcao 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
well to be honest, i have been married for 2 years, and dated for 7 before that, and we never buy each other gifts. who cares, i mean maybe you guys can go out to dinner and have beers or something. if not and you still want to settle for gifts i would say if you mention that it bothers you no matter how you want to put it, WE are the ones that look like gold diggers, so i would just treat him like he treats you. i mean i know you like to spoil him but if he's not spoiling you the same and that bothers you then you should stop spoiling him for a minute just enough for him to possibly feel like you. At the same time i guess you have to think that regardless of what he buys you, if you don't spoil him won't that kind of take away the original point which was that by spoiling him it made you happy. well maybe spoiling his girl isn't his style and in that case you may have to decide if this is someone that you care to continue the relationship with, ya know?
2007-03-15 05:35:48 · answer #2 · answered by Lovely 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think if you told him how cheap and "thoughtless" he was because he does not shower you with gifts, he would think you were materialistic and hopefully dump you. Are you a princess or something? Are you really that shallow to believe that men are supposed to "prove" their affection by buying stuff for you? I can just imagine how awful it must be at Christmas with you, knowing you place so much importance on "things". It's YOUR choice to "shower" your guy with stuff - unless he TOLD you to "spoil" him, you have no right expecting him to do the same! You actually are NOT "giving" him gifts - you are buying things for him with the CONDITION that he do the same! Have you ever considered the idea that he may not LIKE you "spoiling" him cos it makes him uncomfortable and obligated? Could be he hasn't TOLD you that because he does not want to hurt your feelings. Poor guy! Own up to your pettiness and tell the guy straight up that you EXPECT NICE GIFTS - better yet, give him a schedule and a dollar amount too - that way there is no mistaking what he has to do to please you. Seriously, be honest with the guy and quit expecting him to read your mind OR change to be someone he knows nothing about. Since you seem convinced that you have good reason to be upset with him, own up to it and admit you think he is "cheap". Don't be surprised if he calls you a materialistic spoiled self-serving brat.
2007-03-15 06:02:25 · answer #3 · answered by BikerChick 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
You've captured the essence of a gift. It is the spirit that counts and not really the quantum or what is given. Probably, you can come down to the same level with him and let's see how he takes it.
It wouldn't be right if he is hanging on with the relationship just because you lavish him with gifts. If not, accept him for what he is - a miser. People actually do marry such persons after all.
2007-03-15 05:37:05 · answer #4 · answered by comradechris 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You've been in a relationship with him for 2yrs! I think that's more than enough time to be able to sit down and talk to him about his ways. He probably thinks that you like the gifts/treats he gives you because you don't say anything negative to him about them. The next time he gives you a gift or treat that is "ridiculous," just tell him how you feel.
2007-03-15 05:32:21 · answer #5 · answered by shaboozie32 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Since he has been your bouyfriend for two years, you should have a greater comfort level with him. You should be able to be open with him and tell him that his gifts are wack! Maybe not in those words, but let him know that his gifts arent showing much affection. Maybe hes greedy, or maybe hes just a really bad gift picker. Either way, after two years he should know better!!
2007-03-15 05:36:33 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
Give him a taste of his own medicine. Stop buying him things. It seems to me that even if you point it out, he can't seem to hear where you are coming from. It is time to show him.
2007-03-15 05:33:49 · answer #7 · answered by cinnatigg 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
i dont think he feels for you the way you feel for him, that is always a sign. if he really loved you, he would take more consideration and effort into what he gives you. or at least try
2007-03-15 05:30:08 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Don't be greedy...let it be....
2007-03-15 05:30:20 · answer #9 · answered by NikkiWy 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋