Okay... I married my high school crush and everything between us is great. I have a 2 year old from a previous marriage and he loves her more than anything and i trust him with her but i dont trust his mother. Shes not very maternal. My daughter has been in GA for a month visiting with my mom and shes been trying to get my daughter to take her to atl claming she wants to bond with her but the last time she had her she let strangers take her and walk around with her at her sons school event. So many children are missing or assaulted and i dont want my daughter to be subjected to that. She called me last night asking if she could take my daughter to atl to a parade that her sons gonna be in and added that her niece has been dying to have her. i dont know those people like that and i dont trust my mother in law to keep an eye on her at all times. How can i talk to her about this without ruining our relationship? Should i get my husband to address this instead?
2007-03-15 05:05:46 · 20 answers · asked by marinewife 3 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Toddler & Preschooler
Myto the person who left the second comment...my daughter is in ga because im having a difficult pregnancy and im out of state. Im cleared to travel to ga on monday to get her and bring her back...people can be sooo critical.
2007-03-15 05:13:35 · update #1
Oh my goodness!!! Ive been friends with this guy for over 4 years, i have a college degree and we are not on welfare!! I asked a question about how to deal with something not for u to judge me! I got divorced at 5 month pre b/c my ex went to iraq and came back with issues and snapped and beat me, and my daughter was left with my mother and father due to a difficult first few months of pregnancy, ive been on bed rest! My mother in law just lives in the same town in ga! Im old enough to be having children and am very responsible, just answer my question!
2007-03-15 05:23:42 · update #2
Her biological dad has been deemed unfit to be around my child and has given custody to my husband...why would i leave her with him anyway. Because i love my child i left that abusive realtionship so that she would grow up safe. My daughter is safe with my mother and father and is coming home monday...i just asked for advice on how to talk to my mother in law...i thought yahoo answers was for helping people...not making them feel horrible, do u like making pregnant women cry? I miss her like crazy and worry about her all the time. I had to let her stay with my mom while i was on bed rest b/c my husband is doing field training, hes a marine. If u cannot help them dont leave rude remarks please!
2007-03-15 05:31:16 · update #3
LMAO, you dont want anyone to be judgemental yet you say your mother in law is not maternal.....whew, you are a piece of work!
I say let her go
you are not being a good parent anyway by letting your TWO YEAR old stay with your mother for over a month without an end in sight so that your daughter wont be in the way of your new honey...so lets see, your daughter doesnt get to see HER father (you dumped him?) or you and now you are scared for her safety? THIS IS UNREAL. I bet your mother in law did not do that with your husband so she is already a better mother than you are.
Stop worring about everyone elses feelings and try putting your daughter first for a change.
2007-03-15 05:11:37 · answer #1 · answered by kissmymiddlefinger 5 · 7⤊ 5⤋
You are amazing,,,, you cry about people being judgemental to you but how exactly would you classify the MOTHER of your husband...YOU judge HER and say she is "not very maternal".
At least these people are telling you 'to your face' and not going behind your back like you are doing your mother inlaw because I am sure you grin in her face when you see her.
You say she is not maternal?
HOW DO YOU KNOW this...according to what you have said, she has called you and offered to come and visit with your daughter out of the kindness of her heart. SHe has NO "bio" ties to your daughter
That kid is NOTHING to her yet she has welcomed her into her family and you have the nerver to say 'i dont know her like that'
If she is not maternal? what does that make you? I would not take the bet with the other person who said she probably did not ship her son off when stuff got a bet rough.....
BYTCH is the word that comes to mind!
Furthermore, I think people are being harsh with you because for the whole question you have made excuses.
1. you said the reason you dont want to let her go is because she let your daughter walk around with strangers....(a. how do you know this....if she did this would she have told you? I doubt that your daughter at age 2 could have said anything so I seriously doubt that this is true!
2. If this was the reason, that reason would have been stronger when your daughter was younger yet you let her go then.....now it is an issue since you knew them less well when the incident supposedly happened.
3. you probably did not say ANYTHING to your MIL when it did happen...why not? If your daughter was the most important thing you would have or SHOULD have said something about it THEN not use it as an excuse now....
4. Now of course your ex is a horrible person so what do you do, you wait till your daughter could craw dump him for the next ship that passed thru and ship your daughter off to live with your mom so you can be close to your 'crush' while he works...
where does that leave the kid that you are supposed to love
hasnt she been thru enough
her dad is gone
mom did not even take a chance to cool off before she divorced and married someone else.
It is really sad
Mother in law is the least of your problems
make this right by your daughter!
2007-03-15 12:55:13 · answer #2 · answered by xxxxxxx b 3 · 2⤊ 2⤋
Trust your gut feeling if you are not comfortable with your mother-in-law. At age 2, kids do have "stranger anxiety" meaning that they recognize when their mom isn't there. You don't have to "win a debate" just say that you don't want to be away from your daughter for long periods of time. If grandma wants to visit with your daughter, have her come to your home. I hope that you are wrong about not being able to trust your mom in law, bc it's hard to guard against someone 24 hrs a day, even if she is in your home. Your mom in law was wrong to let strangers take her unsupervised, even for a few minutes. You can also tell your husband how upset you were when his mom left your 2 yo daughter w/ strangers. It may be helpful for you to emphasize how hurt and worried you were rather than how bad his mom was (be prepared for him to run to her defense). Maybe you can go to GA with your daughter to visit.
Don't feel bad if jerks leave rude answers. You can say the most reasonable thing on yahoo answers and someone will be critical. Most yahoo answer participants are reasonable however. BTW, when I first posted my reply, I was not aware that you were having a difficult pregnancy.
2007-03-15 12:15:41 · answer #3 · answered by Santa C 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
NOt an issue if your daughter was with you.
Hopefully you will find a better way to handle your next difficult pregnancy rather than ship your daughter off like an old car.
She is two years old for crying out loud.
okay that said,
just tell your mother in law that you want her to come over to your house for a visit, no sense in telling her you dont feel comfortable with her parenting skills since you are currently pregnant and will need to dump this baby off on someone when things get hard.
best not to burn your bridges...the poster above is correct. Why do you keep adding all of these excuses.
The bottom line is that you put your daughter last.
If you made this choice to leave an abusive relationship, you sure did leap out of the frying pan into the fire rather quickly (rebound).
Why not have you AND your daughter go to your mom's house if your new mr. right is unwilling/unable to assist.
2007-03-15 12:31:45 · answer #4 · answered by karen g 4 · 4⤊ 1⤋
Dont let those jerks get you down. If you dont trust your mother in law then dont do it. Just tell her that you dont feel good about her being around other family members that you have never met, Tell her that your super paranoid and that it would make you upset. Or you can allways say that she is incredibly difficult to take care of and you wouldnt want to put strain on her, but that as soon as you get on your feet again you will visit with her for a whole week or something.
2007-03-15 22:58:53 · answer #5 · answered by JUDAS RAGE 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wow I found your latest question and first of all, I am so sorry that people are being judgemental and rude. I would hate to be in your predicament having to go on bedrest, not having anyone close by to help out and then having to entrust your child to your mother and fight your mother in law who obviously still thinks it's 1950.
That said, you can tell your mother in law that you do not want your daughter to be out of her sight. You entrusted your mom to care for her while you were on bedrest, not your mother in law because of past situations. You are trying to be protective and it is your right to do so in this day and age. Tell her your concerns and make it very clear that if these things happen again that she will not be able to have her come for visits without you there.
Don't get your husband involved right now, he has enough to worry about with a pregnant wife on bedrest, his stepdaughter not with her momma and not being able to be physically there to support you. If you want to talk to someone about it talk to your mom. And relax a little your baby girl will be back in your arms on Monday. You have enough stress being on bedrest. Trust your mother she should help if she is a good mom to calm your nerves. Although some moms can make it worse. Just remember God has a plan and in a year you will be looking back at this crazy time and laughing.
2007-03-15 13:32:03 · answer #6 · answered by Amy 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Well i can understand why you are so concerned.. I would never want my children to be put in harms way! I would suggest that if you trust your mother with her, maybe you can ask you mother to take your daughter there and meet your MinL at the parade. That way you know you have someone you deem responsible there but your MinL still gets to spend time with her as well.. I guess your mom would sort of be the chaperone! Just tell your MinL (or have your husband tell her) that your mom was interested taking your daughter to the parade too, that way she doesn't feel like she is being supervised..
2007-03-15 12:15:09 · answer #7 · answered by mom2camnchloe 2 · 3⤊ 0⤋
I don't blame you for being cautious. You are in a rough spot though because since you let her go to your mom's for a month, your mother-in-law isn't going to understand why she can't take her too. I do not trust my dad to watch my son. Not that he would purposely harm him but he doesn't take the same precautions I would. I have stood my ground about it. I think you should have your husband explain to her while you know she would never do anything to harm your daughter that since you don't know these other people you just don't feel comfortable having her go along. Even if they are relatives, I don't see anything wrong with that. If he won't do it, calmly tell her this yourself. Tell her she is welcome to visit the grandchild at your mom's house or when the girl is with you.
2007-03-15 12:20:20 · answer #8 · answered by iceemama 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Tough one, unfortunatley I don't trust my mother in law either. What we do is just not leave our son with he unless someone we trust is around, like my sister in law, or my husband's uncle (her brother) It's a crappy situation, but my husband understand why, and agrees, however it's still hard on him that his own mother cannot be trusted to stay with his child. I would sugggest going out as a family for a visit with her. If she asks to take her somewhere alone, tell her straight up that you are not confortable with it, since your daughter is in a new town, and you are not fimiliar with everything there. Good Luck! and remember, she's your daughter, and you've always got to be confortable with who is with her, ever if it makes your husband unhappy. Better to lose a husband than a child. Sad but true.
2007-03-15 12:14:10 · answer #9 · answered by a girl like any other 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I had to deal with something similiar.
My mom in law would go shopping with me when my daughter was a baby, like 6mos old. She would wait until I had my back turned and when someone would say, "what a cute baby," she would offer for them to hold her. This was in Wal Mart mind you to total strangers!
I had to tell her this
Mom, I know you might have thought that was a nice and friendly thing to do, however there are many children stolen every year and many times in situations like that. I would feel alot safer if you would leave her in her seat and not hand her to someone without asking me first.
At first she got mad at me, but the next day she was running her mouth off to my husband and he stood up for me and agreed. She never did it again and now she and I get along great.
Just approach her nicely and don't put her down for it, she may not be thinking about the concequences, remember when she raised your husband, this wasn't as big of a danger as it is now. be honest with her.
But before you talk to her, kindly approach your hubby about it and get his opinion on it. Just to be sure you won't be outnumbered.
As far as your daughter going to your mothers for a month That is someone you grew up with and know the parenting skills of first hand. So naturally you are comfortable with it. Just keep a level head when talking to either one, you don't want to cause enemies in a family.
Good luck
2007-03-15 12:22:59 · answer #10 · answered by sandrarosette 4 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Your number one job right now is to protect your children from harm. If you don't trust your mother-in-law, then you need to go up there right now and bring her home. Difficult pregnancy or not, there are other options than having her stay for a long period of time, with someone you don't trust. Why isn't her bio dad watching her? He is the one who should address this with his mother (not your husband, that would only make things worse). And if you really want to protect your 2 year old, then you should be with her, there is no way you can keep her safe were you are.
2007-03-15 12:24:06 · answer #11 · answered by katiebug 5 · 6⤊ 2⤋