can anyone help with 3yr hitting others?

Question

I need some suggestions on how to teach my 3yr old son not to hit. I am not sure why he is hitting but we now have to look for another daycare because of this. My wife and I have just had another baby and I do realize this could be a cause. He still gets plenty of attention from us. My wife is off on maternity leave for 2 more months so we need to fix this to get him in another daycare. Also, he doesnt just go around hitting. It was happinging once a day at daycare but he would attack very quickly and as many as he could. any thoughts?

i forgot to mention we have spanked and did timeouts....

Answer 1

Get your hands on the British series SuperNanny. Every discipline matter is pretty much handled there. Awesome.

Answer 2

I'm sure that your son already knows that hitting is not an acceptable behavior. You're right...it's very possible that the new baby appears as a threat to him. Does he hit at home in your presence? Is it only happening at day care? His teacher should have been able to notice if he was provoked at the time, frustrated, tired, jealous, etc. If he's hitting at home you need to explain to him that hitting is not an acceptable behavior and put him on time out for 3 minutes. (One minute for each year of the child's age.) I can guarantee that you will have to repeat this with him! Use the same time out area each time. By no means do you hit him back like some people may suggest. That just teaches him to hit when he's upset and adds fuel to the fire. Invite a playmate over and watch how they play together, putting him on time if when he hits. Let him know that if he hits his playmate again then he sits on time out and his friend has to go home. Follow through with the consequences you give him. When he's ready increase the number of friends he has over so that when it's time to go back to day care he can handle himself around several children. Tell him to use his words when he's feeling emotional. Sometimes kids know what they're feeling but don't what words to use. You give him the words by asking questions like....are you angry? upset? sad? hurt? Just asking "why did you hit" isn't enough. Those are just a few suggestions...I hope that it helps a little. Good luck with you son and congratulations on the new baby.

Answer 3

Hitting is just a way for your toddler to get attention. Spanking him, as you probably know, is not a useful alternative, because you're sending mixed messages "We don't hit, so I'm going to hit you." I can't really think of any situation where spanking is an acceptable or rewarding means of discipline.

It is hard for you to immediately intervene since this is happening at daycare. If possible, take him out to a kid's museum or playground, somewhere where he can interact with other kids in front of you. As soon as it happens, pull him out of the situation and explain to him why hitting is unacceptable. Then have him apologize to the kid he hit. If he does it again, immediately take him home. Eventually, he will recognize that hitting does not lead to positive results.

Try to take him out on as many of these outings as possible before it's time for him to go back into daycare. Also, when you do put him into daycare ask the providers how they handle such situations. You also need for them to be firm and consistent, since you will not be there when it happens. Good luck!

Answer 4

You may have already tried this, but if not, it may help in conjunction with other means.

Usually, three is old enough to understand feelings or emotions to a point.

My mother used to make us say out loud what we did. This re-enforced to us that we had been bad and made our punishment more effective because we saw the direct correlation between the act and the punishment. "I am being sent to my room because I hit Noah."

After we would say or do something that hurt someone else, she would make us sit down and ask us these questions. Example:

"What did you just do?"

- I hit Noah.

"Would you like Noah to hit you?"

-No

"Is hitting nice?"

-No

"Did you hurt Noah and make him sad?"

-Yes

She would then say something like "No hitting. Hitting hurts other people and makes them sad. You will obey me right now. And I am telling you, no hitting. Because you hit Noah, you will go to your room until I tell you that you can leave. Why are you being punished?"

-Because I hit Noah.

"Are you going to hit again?"

-No

Answer 5

This could very well be your child's way of acting out aggression, and showing his feelings over the new baby. Trust me spanking is not the answer. Try talking to your child and letting him know that hitting someone hurts, and that you love him and that the new baby is someone whom he can play with when they are older.

Answer 6

Is he talking yet?. If not most of the time when a toddle hits it's because he can not make him self understood. Try to help him use his words.

Answer 7

when he hits somebody spank him, but dont spank him with anger, spank him with love. and YES there is a difference. my mom spanked me when i was little and i turned out to be a darn good kid. but yea, there is a difference between abuse and spanking. so spank him then maybee send him to his room, or you could by a very small rug and call it the naught rug, whenever hes bad he has to sit in it for like 15 mins! hope it all works out

Answer 8

Take him to a play therapist.

Answer 9

you have to reprimand him as soon as he does it and tell him why he is in time out and that you don't hit. make sure you make eye contact when you tell him

Answer 10

beat the sh*t out of that annoying little f*cker.

Do have any idea on how to punish you f*ckin kids?