My son is 2 and a half years old. My husband is awaiting trial and is being held in a remand prison. He thinks that it is not a good idea for my son to visit him because my son may be able to remember the visits and make sense of what happened when he is older. My son has not seen his father for 6 months already. Any advice?
2007-03-15 04:48:41 · 16 answers · asked by Caroline 1 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Toddler & Preschooler
do you really want your child to see his father in prison??? I doubt he would remember, but whats it going to do to him now??
2007-03-15 04:52:01 · answer #1 · answered by kristinad21 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I really don't know what situation brought upon the reason why your husband is in there. The truth is that studies have shown that there really isn't a start date of when children start remembering things. I work with kids and they are smarter and remember things more thatn adults. Why? well they are learning and there minds and developmental stages are growing and learning new things every day. Tehy remember more thatn people give them credit for. I believe that ultimately it is your decision. Your son does love and miss his dad but I beleive children should not be exposed to seeign a loved one locked up in jail. Long term effects are different for different individuals. It is a situation that your child will not understand and cannot relate to anything that would have put your husband in that predicament.
I would not take him there. Parents are responsible for their children. And as adults we are responsible for the choices we make in life. A child should not be exposed to adult situations unless the child is old enough to understand. He is to young to understand and it will hurt and confuse him emotionally that daddy is locked up and can't come out and be with him.
When your son asks just say daddy is working away from home for a while and he misses you very much and will be here soon. My son was 3 when my husband left to the war. We decided that it was best not to say goodbye because it would hurt him. It did affect him in many ways growing up. What I did was have him plugged in witha child social worker in school and we worked together with the situation. I also at home had many pictures of us together and my son and his dad together. We spoke about him all the time and it helped tremendously.
Like I said it is your decision. But kids are never too young to be spoken to. Explain in toddler language that daddy will be away for a while but loves him very much. When you write letters encourage your child to make markings on the letters. Then say this is for daddy and he will be very happy if you write or paint for him.
But I again don't think that bringing him to see him is a good idea. The mental state of a child changes and that would be a negative impact on him in the future when he can understand. He doesn't need to know about adult situations yet.
I hope this advice can help you. Take care of yourself and child & I wish your husband luck and the best. Remember youa re the only one that can decide. Believe in yourself and the best for your son..Adios
Below are some articles of your question. Read them and make the decision yourself. Goodluck!
2007-03-15 05:21:43 · answer #2 · answered by nelly 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My husband did 3 years in a state prison. The first three years of her life and she had no clue and still does not know. The only thing that has threw up a red flag is she will ask her daddy to take her to get m and m's. She always ask him b/c that's what she remembers, him and her getting m and m's. Take her it will be good for her and him. I am glad that I let her go b/c we had the same reserve about the whole visit issue. And she didn't go all the time, but when she did. He would be totally focused on her and she adored him and I know their bond is so strong b/c of that. Take her.
2007-03-16 17:23:05 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Take him to see his father. It is going to be far more tramatic for your son not to see his father than for his son to see him in prison. You dont know he may be there for a long time. I would rather my son have a relationship with his father. He will not remember it, If he is only two but if he gets older he will and he must be wondering where his father is. He may be feeling abandoned now even. Just because he is not speaking about it dont mean it is not affecting him. Take him to see dad.http://www.the-tidings.com/2006/0630/fathers.htm
Here is an article worth reading. It up to you because I notice most people dont agree with me. http://fatherhood.hhs.gov/incarcerated-parents02.htm Here is another site that says even young children have negative effects from not seeing an incarcerated parent. Just some other info. I know you as his mom will make the right decision for your child. Whatever that is my thoughts are with you.
2007-03-15 05:47:40 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would not .. My sons father is in prison and I would not want to put my child threw that. Not being able to hug, kiss, or hold daddy, then my fave the feelings of guilt daddy does not like me. is daddy made at me... Did i do some thing wrong. Feelings of guilt happen to children all the time. When we were kids my mom took us to see are dad in prison I now have a brother who has been to prison three times and is still in today all of this started be for 12 years old Marty would have been 3 when he seen his dad in there. he wanted to be like his dad. This is the truth... I would not want to put my kids threw that at all. I would rather my child not see there dad till he is home then put my kids threw it ....
In the end this is your choice. But this was my experience I hope I was able to shine some light on the subject I really do
2007-03-15 05:03:25 · answer #5 · answered by savannah_smiles25 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Nope, 2 and half year old is still very young for somone to know what is going on, Human child can only remember quite very few things when they are old at the age of 4 - 5 but anything less than 3 i would say no.
Hope it helped
2007-03-15 04:52:16 · answer #6 · answered by slash 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would say take your son to see Daddy. I think that it would be worse for him to be worrying about Dad all the time, and wondering why he never can see him than to spend some time with him in jail. At least he could see him and maybe give him a hug if there are contact visits. Even if they can't touch, atleast they could talk. I think that it is important that they keep the bond that they have, if it is not lost already by not seeing him for this long. If it is then they can bond again.
2007-03-15 04:53:31 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
I would never take my child into a prison. He doesn't need to see his father like that, and you never know what could happen in there.
I wouldn't want any of the other inmates even knowing that he had a son. In my opinion you would be putting your child's life in danger bringing him in there.
2007-03-15 04:55:04 · answer #8 · answered by isisrocca82 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Depends A LOT on why your husband is going to prison in the first place.
I think your son will remember more than you bargained for.
2007-03-15 04:52:18 · answer #9 · answered by bradxschuman 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He may recall "somewhere he went to see daddy" for a few years.. I still remember some random things of ages2-3. But if its good visits It might help daddy to get it together when he gets out.
2007-03-15 06:39:15 · answer #10 · answered by Julie 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't remember. My dad said it worried him but it was also the only thing he had to look forward to every week. My mother never once failed to take me. I'll probably be in the minority here but I think it's ok. Also depending on his crime/level of security some facilities have special rooms for families with young children.
2007-03-15 06:55:49 · answer #11 · answered by stargirl 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋