How do I get my daughter to stop being such a social butterfly? It is getting to the point that she is?

Question

getting in trouble at school? Grounding her doesn't seem to be doing any good. Any ideas?

Answer 1

My daughter was a born social butterfly....literally by the 2nd grade she had already figured out how to volunteer to clean erasers, take sick kids to the nurses office, run errands and other things that got her OUT of the classroom. She was cute and not much of a discipline problem so the teachers really let her slide. I was afraid the child would never learn to read. Every parent teacher conference they would say that she was such a good girl...but her grades would be awful. I dont know how old your daughter is...but past the age of say 12 grounding doesnt work. It is negative and just compounds the negative. So try my YES-YES WIN-WIN parenting strategy.....I seriously think I should publish it. lol
I started saying YES to all the requests for purchases. How? By looking at my own budget and setting aside only a certain dollar amount for things like clothes, accessories and fun money. Anything more that she wanted would be a definite YES---because I set up a job jar of things she could do to earn money at home and also gave her permission to work if she wanted. As for discipline, grounding was WAY more of a burden to enforce than a help (if you take away the phone I assume you are still paying the lion's share of the phone bill so who is really grounded?). So I came up with a dirty job jar....those are the household jobs that I hate to do...things like cleaning the toilets, car floor mats, emptying litter box, washing out the inside of the washer and dryer, vacuuming the room corners, vacuuming ceilings, you get the idea. Here's how it works. Cindy lou is told she has to get all her grades up to a C or better and her room has to be clean enough that there is nothing on the floor but the furniture. She is told about the dirty job jar. On tuesday the room is a disaster (I myself dont care about the closets and drawers I just want to be able to leave the door open lol)... so when Cindy Lou gets home you choose an appropriate thing from the job jar.....(they can't be time sensitive because your kids will test and procrastinate at first). Then she is told, you WILL clean the floor mats from my car because you didn't get your room done...so not only do you need to get your room done but you also have to clean mats, until both things are done you have NO privileges. that means, you dont cook for her (she can get cereal and she has no phone, no computer, no tv, no leaving the house, no friends over, no anything). Mind you, most of the jobs I pick can be finished in 20 mins (and I wouldn't make them miss an important event or concert, etc. at school) but let me tell you..... this is the most freeing thing I have ever done. She can decide how long the "grounding" lasts. Get it done and over with or take it out for days. My daughter lasted 3 days the first time. I thought I would die. I felt soooo bad for her because the offense was not such a big deal. But it was well worth the investment. I think I only used the dirty job jar 2 or 3 times in the next year. All the best to you. Remember when they were little and you had to give them their medicine and they didn't like it? Same idea here. Only now y ou are building strong healthy happy characters not just strong healthy bodies.... God bless

Answer 2

I know you may not like this now, but later on in life it will help her in the work environment. Would you rather her be shy and isolated to her work and home?

This could be developing her into what she will become as an adult (maybe Advertising/ Marketing or something in the social setting and to hold her back will only cause resentment towards you for holding her back and the social butterfly is not shy enough to sit back and take it, she will rebel.

She will not understand AT ALL at her age when you tell her "well in the future", teenagers think they are already adults and know more than you do.

P.S. Maybe threatening her with "juvie" court will scare her. Have her watch the MTV special.. That will straighten her up!!
I hope that helps, it's just my opinion.

Answer 3

A social butterfly is one thing. A child in trouble at school is something different. An appointment with the school counselor or principal might be a good idea. Bring her into the discussion after you have a chance to lay the groundwork with the counselor.

Answer 4

Your daughter should be social,but it sounds like she's too social. Time to sit her down and have her re-focus on her schoolwork. But make sure she has enough downtime to see friends, too, or else it will backfire.

And if all that doesn't work? It's time for groundings.

Answer 5

Her school is teaching her communications skills then tells her don't talk or socialize. Go to the school and question that.

Answer 6

Tell her that school is more important than friends. They won't be there getting the job with her. She has to work hard in order to be someone.

Answer 7

Sounds like she is wanting attention and acting out for some reason. Get her into counseling and see what is going on with her.

Answer 8

take away her cell phone if she has one dont let her go out dont let her talk online..my dad has done this to me..

Answer 9

Spend more time with her.