Would you give up custody of your children?

Question

My children constantly fight at my house and remind me that I don't have all the cool "stuff" that their dad does. He says they don't fight at all when they're with him, and the problem must be me.

I don't make a lot of money and would like to move closer to my family, but my children don't want to move away from their dad.

As a mother, would you give up primary custody of your children and be able to live with yourself, in order to better yourself?

Answer 1

Boy that's tough. If you do some folks will think you aren't much of a mother even though men do this all the time. A lot of men don't even try to get custodoy stating they wouldn't win in court anyway and everybody accepts that. I don't know how old your children are but once they are 12 or older they can usually decide for themselves who they want to live with in court as long as both parents have good homes.

Your ex is only telling you it's you because he is getting pleasure out of your pain - nice guy, huh? Forget his statements.

Take your childrens' ages in consideration. I don't think you would be wrong to be the non-custodial parent but I would make sure that everything is in writing - like child support issues and health insurance, etc. . . If the kids are under 12, though, decide who can give the better home. The best interests of the children come first, especially when divorced. Can the ex provide a better home environment? Not stuff - environment.

Good luck.

Answer 2

Sounds like you are really feeling down about things and the relationship with your kids, do not give up custody because you might regret it in the end also you will be the one footing the child support. Talk with your kids and really get to the root of the problem. I am a mother of 3 a single mother at that and I am sure that you are struggling with having to do everything thats how I feel, and when the kids are all fighting and everything is stressful yeah you think about sending them off, but not giving someone else custody, find time to go out and enjoy yourself , give yourself a break thats all you need. Good luck mom

Answer 3

that depends on you and the dad ,also the children. Is he a good father ? Do they want to live with hI'm ? also can and would there dad still allow you in there life ? You know im sure that you are a great mom ! Just because the kids fight dint mean its your fault ! In fact most kids do that , after all they are kids ! Maybe when there at there dads house they just dont push his buttons cause hes dad . possibly your a little easier to get a way with thinfs ! Do whats best for you all !

Answer 4

No way! Children today have a sense of entitlement that is extremely unhealthy. Their father is playing games with them and you. You need to sit down and have a heart to heart with your children about the situation. If your ex makes enough money to get them these things for his house, then he has enough money to pay you more child support. I would say take him to court for more money before you even think about giving your kids up. As far as moving closer to your family, you need to do what is best for you and your children. You shouldn't let the tail wag the dog so to speak. You are in charge, so take charge. If the ex wants to be closer to his kids, then by GOD he will move right along with you...

Answer 5

First of all - YOU are the mother, so YOU don't need your children's approval to move. Of COURSE their father is going to tell you they don't fight at his house! He is "buying" their affection and they are using that to emotionally manipulate you - apparently it's working.

If you want your children to become materialistic, insensitive, self-centered adults, then by all means, hand them over to their father. Personally, I would NEVER give up custody of my children to ANYBODY else as long as I was physically, mentally, and financially able to provide their basic NEEDS (which does NOT include junk like cell phones, video games, etc). If he's got so much money, ask the court to up the child support!

Answer 6

I am a mother of 2 who realized when divorcing that my X had stability and could give my children the life I could not provide. That was 7 yrs ago. Do I regret it? For me, yes. For them, no. Sometimes the choices we make are beneifical to everyone but us. I stand by my decision when I think about it. I did the right thing and the best thing for my children. I do see them every other weekend.

Answer 7

This is a hard question. I personally couldnt imagine my life without my two kids in it everyday. Trust me they are not fighting because you do not have the "cool" stuff. They are fighting simply because they are children and children fight with their siblings. Growing up I lived with both my parents and we had the "cool" stuff everyone on the neighborhood looked forward to coming to our home but we fought, simply because we were...children. However sometimes you have to do what in your heart feels right. I was a single mom for 12 yrs to a special needs daughter and many times it was suggested to me in one way or another I put her in a care facility in order to "better" myself but I refused after all she's my child and I love her. I have my Masters but was unable to "climb the ladder" because I chose not to take overtime and extra patient loads because she was most important. If your children have a good relationship with their father I wouldnt move them away from him. For many years I wished my exhusband had a relationship with our daughter but he has chosen not to for her entire life.

I do have to say this, maybe they dont fight at their fathers house because he does not allow it. Even though you can say you dont allow it, its a bit different when you have a "strong" male saying "STOP THAT" as opposed to a woman if you catch my drift. If you and your husband still have a civil relationship maybe you can talk to him about their behavior and he can speak with them about it. My only advice to you is if you feel in your heart your children {not yourself but your children} will be better off with their dad give up custody.

Answer 8

I would not give up custody and I think if you do you will regret it. Better yourself now - with custody and work on discipline and get them some healthy activities to occupy them so they don't fight- as much. And they most likely do fight at his house maybe just not as much. Good Luck.

Answer 9

i would not give up my boys for anything i allowed them to stay with dad sometimes in the summer to get the its better at dads house out of their system when it is just a week-end visit its a party and why not he has 48 hours so hes not going to be concerned if they leave dirty clothes in the floor or dishes in their room but when they have more time with dad they come to realize he has the same rules about things as mom my ex and i worked very hard to keep the major rules in play at both houses.my kids are now men and they have come to realize we were both lame lol it does get better hang in there.

Answer 10

your children shouldnt stop you from bettering yourself. I would never give up custody of my children. They need to realize that life is a struggle and everything will not be handed to them that they will have to work for things that they want. I know it gets discouraging but dont give up things will get better.