how do i deal with in-laws?

Question

does anyone else have inlaws that seem to hate you? I swear no matter what i do these ppl just act like they hate me, unless of course they need something, then they can kiss butt like nobodys business. they talk about me behind my back and they just dont like me. My husband tells me just to ignore them but its so hard to do that. How do i deal with them? i feel like I am an outcast or something.

My familys not like this, they love my husband and even call him their son.

Answer 1

I'm sorry, but you just can't control how other people feel, what they do, or what they say. I would ignore them, not be around them, and if they call, just don't answer the phone. If you weren't a great person, your husband wouldn't be with you.

Answer 2

I have the same problem , I don't know I think all in laws are the same, it hard to ignore but that's the only way to deal with them. Be the good guy in this picture whenever they talk to you or visit or whatever, act like your interested, make them annoyed of you. Don't confront them they will always switch the story with your husband. In that way your husband will see that your doing your best and that they are not budging and eventually he will tell them that they have to respect you, and trust me it will feel much better when your husband defends you on his own. So for now try your best to put on a happy face in front of them. Best of Luck.
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Answer 3

My inlaws DO hate me. Only I missed it. I thought they had a dry sense of humor when we were dating. That being said, I have learned some important things.
1. Its not always about me. I wont assume it is about me unless someone specifically says to me they have a problem. They are all adults, I no longer respond to body language and grunts. I assume they have gas.
2. When it is about me, I take a breathe. There is a bit of truth in the worst of tirades. Whats my part? Do I have a need to rethink something or is this one of those times when I have to let darling husband (DH) handle his lovely family?
3. Sometimes the only thing I do WRONG is do something RIGHT. I am blessed with 4 SIL's. So as I was planning my wedding, first child, baptism I was unaware of the comparing and discussions that were going on that were more of a banter between sisters than they were a judgement on me. But there were times when they thought I was being righteous (they told me so).....and clearly I had no idea that 5 yrs before I met my DH they couldn't afford a this or that.
4. Visualize. I use the orange t-shirt. People show us who they are all the time. If you know that one person is the problem visualize her in an orange t-shirt with a big old propeller beanie. The t-shirt reads "I AM THE PROBLEM, I HAVE A BIG OL MOUTH". expect her to be who she i s...after a while you will get more of a kick out of it because she wont get to you when you know she is just being herself.
As for the folks you aren't sure of.... "JURY STILL OUT" lol and laugh to yourself.
5. Keep it simple. I can make perfectly pleasant conversation with people on the bus and in the supermarket. Leave your history and expectations of these people at the door (imagine suitcases....lots of suitcases) and keep it simple. They may not want the fulfilling relationship you do becasue they dont know how....if it can be pleasant that will be good for the kids.
6. Last...use the dry cleaner rule. In by 3 out by 5. Keep your visits short. Chances are they want to see DH but are not nearly as eager to see you. So take a walk, bring your car or ask DH to keep it short. He can visit without you and he is safer---he knows the rules of the game. I am not saying never visit or isolate yourself, I am saying protect yourself and also do them a favor...they have made it clear so why push? You got your man...and eventually they will come round to it or not...but you have a whole life to take care of and enjoy....
7. Don't let them rain on your parade!
Go where you are celebrated not just tolerated. If these folks only tolerate you....make sure you share your joys/sorrows and other life events with people who DO care. You may think they SHOULD care...but they dont have to. Let it go. Let your DH be the one to decide how much involvement they have.....
all the best to you.

Answer 4

Having inlaws can be drama!! Some will just dislike u without a reason just becos u married to their son or whatever the case may be. I know it's hard, but u got to continue just being YOU. Some of our inlaws are just dysfunctional and we have to form a mindset of "they just crazy and don't know no better" in order to cope and not take it to heart. Eventually with time they will accept u becos inspite of them, you continued being yourself. You might feel like an outcast, but they can't cast u out becos u share a connection, whether they like it or not, u family.

Answer 5

You can either ask you husband to have a word with them or try and ignore them and only go and see them when you really have to like big family gatherings. If you just go and see them when you really have to and you can't get out of it that will be the best thing to do. As long as you know that you have tried to get on with them, then that is the main thing. After all we don't always get on with our in-laws. Just try and avoid them if you can

Answer 6

Your husband needs to talk some sense into them. He needs to let them know that you're going to be around for a long time and hating you isn't going to help.

For your part, start making amends. Be polite. Invite them to things. Act interested in their lives. And if you can, don't give them any fodder about your personal life if you can help it.

Answer 7

I have issues with my in-laws too. I finally went to my husband and said this is your family yuou need to sit down with your dad and talk to him. You need to support your wife and deal with your family. If he won't do that then what do have to loose they already hate you go and confront them yourself. No lose if it doesn't work they already hate you but maybe the result would be something gained and you guys can get along better

Answer 8

Everyone has some kind of issue with their in laws. My advice just stay away and when you guys do visit they will appreciate that time. They are just jealous that you took their baby boy. They will get use to it. It took my mother in law 2 years before she really started liking me and now she loves me like a daughter. Just give it time. Good Luck.

Answer 9

Tell them to kiss your butt and you could care less if they like you or not and you can outcast them just as easily as they can outcast you.

Answer 10

yeah, ignoring is not easy, but its the only way out.
as the saying goes, ignorance is bliss.
if u keep on thinking about them and repeating unwanted thoughts in ur mind, then u will feel angry, depressed, hatred. but try to forget them and live on to feel happy, worthy, enjoyable.
there r lots of good things to think and do.