Why am I me?

Question

I try my utmost to be what people want me to be. I want everyone to be proud of me but all I get is snide comments if that. All I want is for someone to approve of me. Even my parents have acknowledged that the only reason they had me was to please my brother. What is the point of me being alive? Its not as though anyone cares, right?

Answer 1

just be yourself !

Answer 2

When I was a child, I thought that I was 'stupid' and could never accomplish anything, because my family always told me that I 'should have done much better' even when I brought home an A++ paper. When I was in the 9th grade, the vice principal had me in her office and said that 'Not only was I (sic) really SMART, but I was the ONLY GENIUS that my school had ever had enrolled there.' Still, I had been so 'beaten down' by my family that I never did all that I could have done, and when I did 'succeed' at my 'career' it wasn't what my family had 'determined' I would be. I was a psychologist, and my family had 'trained me from birth' to become an artist. BIG DIFFERENCE.
My life still wasn't 'good' though ... the men I fell in love with all 'told me' what I said I felt was 'wrong' and then corrected me by telling me 'what I really felt' ...
Now I'm married to the BEST MAN IN THE WORLD, who tells me that I'm the GREATEST woman in the world even if I do 'nothing' during the day. I didn't even meet him until I was 46, but we've now been married for ten years, and I couldn't be HAPPIER.
Your parents may not know that what they are 'doing to you' is 'emotional and verbal child abuse' ... they may think that they are 'adequately preparing you' for life as an adult in the 'difficult world' we live in today.
What is the point of you being alive? You think that 'nobody cares' about you? You are so WRONG! I do care about you, even though I don't know your name or wouldn't recognize you if we passed on the street. I care about you because you are 'like me' inside, as I was 'long ago' ... and if I could, I'd reach out and give you a big hug and tell you to 'wait' and not give up, because there is someone who will 'care' about you the way my husband cares about me and I care about him ... and even if you don't find that person until you are old, you NEED TO BE ALIVE because you 'don't know' if that person would do something 'really world shaking' and make this world a 'better place' ONLY if they meet and fall in love with you, but would 'die' early if they don't meet you.
I think that you should do what I did ... you should simply 'care about yourself' enough to have 'the best life possible' and to achieve whatever you think it's important to you to achieve, and 'forget about' all of that 'childhood stuff' from your parents. Be open, be honest, and be good ... and I'll pray for you to have a 'happy life' and will do that 'every day for the rest of my life' if you will promise me that you won't think about 'doing away with yourself' ... because I do care about you, and I am also very worried about what could happen if you weren't alive for that 'special person' in your life someday.

Answer 3

It's very reasonable for you to want approval. It's part of how humans work.

We all do things because of the reactions we get from other people. That's not the only reason we do things, of course, but it's a very important one. For example, people ridicule others by saying, "S/he's just doing that to get attention", but the thing is, attention is a very reasonable thing for people to work to get.

The first thing I'd like for you to consider is sitting down with your parents for a serious talk- away from your brother. Tell them you have something to talk to them about that is very important to you. Let them sweat a bit wondering what kind of trouble you've gotten into, but hold out to have the conversation privately when both are able to give you their full attention. (I'm a big fan of having these discussions in quiet restaurants so that everyone is not distracted by TV and computers, etc. TURN OFF YOUR CELL PHONES!!!)

Remind them of their acknowledgement that they had you only to please your brother, and tell them that makes you wonder how they feel about you as their kid.
Be open to listening to their answers. Even if you start feeling like shutting them out a bit stay as open to their answers as you can.

If you feel you can do it without choking, even go so far as to tell them that you work hard to get their approval and it's very important to you that they recognize the things you do that are good, not just the things you do that they don't like.

Anyway, this is not an easy subject, but you're not alone. A whole lot of people have these kinds of feelings. Not that that makes it so much easier... but maybe it at least lets you know that other people struggle, too, and the vast majority of us manage very well in the long run.

Good luck to you.

Answer 4

Why are you looking for outside approval? No matter what you do there are going to be people who pick at you and try to put you down. They're people with no confidence who use your low self esteem to build themselves up. As such there opinions don't matter in the slightest. Stop worrying about other people. It's hard to do I know, But for as long as YOU know you're doing your best, then you're fine. If they don't like what you're doing, then don't do it for them.
As to the point of life, I'm afraid no one is really sure. Some say life is suffering, As a test for perfection in the next life. Some say life is all about pleasure, So get out there and live as fast and as hard as you can. Personally, I think life is all about living 'til the end, and seeing what happens. Life is pretty short, So suicide makes no sense... You kill yourself, you die a little early, Nothing gets any better. You live and suffer for a bit, Maybe things get better. If not you'll die soon anyways.. whats the harm?
Other than that, you have to make your own decisions. Tell me, Why DO you keep living, And why do you care if anyone else cares?

Answer 5

Don't be silly; I'm sure your family cares about you. The problem is that you are trying way too hard to be somebody your not. It's very noticable and annoying when people don't act themselves. Just be yourself and see what happens. You don't need anybody's approval but your own. If your parents "don't care," then why care about their approval anyways?

People are never going to be able to love and respect you if you can't love and respect yourself. You need to take some time to learn about yourself and accept it. Furthermore, talk to your parents. Maybe they give off the perception that they don't, care, but deep down they do. If they knew how you were feeling, they may be able to help or straighten things up for you.

Answer 6

When u feel redundant, u despair and u begin to question & question your own existence, purpose in this world. BUt because of your efforts to be someone so as to pleased people around you, you instead deprived the real you. Since you had attempt to voiced out your questions here, you should be glad that you are alive to know that there are people out here who do not know you at all to answer your questions, to comfort you and of course to show our care for you, a stranger. THus, do you still feel that nobody cares for you? LIfe is such that you are what you are. YOur point of being alive now is to know that there are people like me, who is taking the efforts to type and show my bits of concern for you, the stranger. GOod luck to your future. Hope to see you grow old.

Answer 7

well sometimes you have to live life revolving around yourself. In your situation, people view you as a person revolving around their lives, for example you were acknowledged for your existence to accompany your brother. Try not doing things of what people want of you, but of what is best for yourself unless you decide that doing what other people want you to do is the best option. You have to realize that you are an individual who has equal rights to coexist with other people, and they should respect you as they would to any other person. It's best you make this clear to people around you before they start getting comfortable with treating you like ****.

If you have a lot of time watch the Naruto episodes on You tube, its a story about a boy who was not acknowledged for the things he tried to do, and he found his own reason for existence and inspired himself to be the best Ninja he could be. Best you start at episode 1. This should inspire you to build self confidence and find your own reason for existence. Take your time, watch it, some scenes are really good and may make you cry because of the sympathy you feel towards the main character.

Now go find out the reason for your existence.
(AND ITS NOT TO ACCOMPANY YOUR BROTHER AND TO DO WHAT OTHER PLP WANT YOU TO DO.)

Answer 8

I, and many others, feel the same way. We arent special, cuz were not "cool" to the "cool" crowd. Whos to say there cool. I used to give a damn what people thought, Id even let them push me around, never speaking my mind, cuz I wanted to fit in. Problem is, the pushover is always the one to get picked on, cuz ur a pushover. Be your own person, stop caring about how others think of you, and just live ur life, ur way. Make ur own path, and find REAL friends. The kind who would die for you, and not cuz they SAY it, Becuz u KNOW it. U need ur own approval. Good luck.

Answer 9

You can't live according to others' expectations of you.

You are an individual with your own desires, your own dreams, and your own life.

The only one who you require approval from is yourself. As long as you are happy with what you do that is all that matters, and one day you will find someone who will accept you for who you are & you will be totally happy.

You're never going to be able to make EVERYONE happy with your decisions and life is too short to worry about what other people think of you or expect from you.

Be yourself! Live your life with no worries & try to see the good in all situations!

Best of luck to you!

Answer 10

People only care when you stop trying to force them to...

Cut the Emo sh*it and ask for help ...
1-800-273-TALK (8255)

Self loathing is rather disgusting... Just ask someone for help and quit staging all this unnecessary drama. It is very manipulative.

People respect you more when you don't insult their intelligence and beg for help by threatening suicide... but rather by being straight with them and saying... "I feel this way_____ and I need you to help me please."

I respect that... Not the whining and the self loathing Smothers brothers (mom loves him better than me) bull crap. That just makes me want to help you... and I don't mean in a good way either!

Parents say things in the moment just like kids do because first and foremost, they are human... Usually they mean it no more than you do when you spit sh*it out when you are mad. How many hurtfull things have you said without meaning it... to them over the years? Have you ever stopped to consider how that makes them feel?

Trust me... as bad as you think your home life is... It Is nothing compared to the way mine was ( and yes... I can say that without knowing for sure.) Years ago, when I tried to kill myself. There was no invitation sent for anyone to watch, no cry for help, no manipulating anyone to get attention. It was just done... In silence and all alone with the actual intent to die.

You don't want to die. You want help... so that you don't have to die. Just Ask for it and stop wasting everyone's time with this nonsense.

1-800-273-TALK (8255)
1-800-273-TALK (8255)
1-800-273-TALK (8255)

Answer 11

I care. Believe me, there are times in my life where it feels like everybody just picks on me including family.

Things will get better. Give it more time. Things always seem to get worse before they get better. You'll be fine. Don't give up hope.



:)

~ Someone who cares