We are getting married April 14th. We are suppose to be moving into a house that me and my parents own. My mom wants to sell it my dad doesn't. I just want a place to live when I get married. (I already live with my fiance at his bro's house). The house was suppose to ours May 1. But the renter says he's gonna try to by it. This is stressing me and my fiance becuase we don't know what to do! If we go by house we will be stuck with 2 mtg payments, if we don't we may not have a place to live. We have argued and cried for the last 3 nights! If this keeps up we are going to tear each other apart! We gonna loose the best thing we have which is each other. My mom said she was going to tell the guy this morning that she needed a down payment on the house or he needed to get out. But I still don't know what to do.... HELP PLEASE! I CAN'T LOOSE MY LOVE FOR LIFE OVER THIS!!! PLEASE!
2007-03-15 03:11:51 · 19 answers · asked by angel2005_2001 5 in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
He was compromising already to move into the house. He doesn't want to live right down the street from my parents becuase they are a little controling. I'm trying to not let them control me but it's so hard. I don't want 2 mortgage payments either. But if we keep on waiting to see what's gonna happen with the house then we are gonna be homeless!
2007-03-15 03:13:06 · update #1
He doesn't want to live in an apt. I already said that. He said he has standards and wants to me a man and take care of me. Not have me living in an apt.
2007-03-15 03:19:08 · update #2
Put that house on the market, you have plenty of time to sell it. If you need to stay on with his brither for a few months until it sells and you find your own house, then so be it. Or you could try to rent an apt for a 6 month lease or even a year to get everything settled and take your time house hunting. Dont make him live in a house that he is unsure of, he will begin to resent you for it, especially if he thinks your parents are a bit too much "in your face". (which will only get worse once you are married)
You have hit the two month before the wedding mark, thats usually when the nerves really kick in, dont worry, this wont break the two of you up, after the wedding you will both look back and say "What were we so upset about?" A wedding adds alot of undue stress, and add that stress to your housing situation you both probably feel like your heads might explode.
At this point I would conscentrate on tackling one thing at a time. Sit down and discuss your living situation and find a middle ground that you can both agree on. Get that house on the market if the tenant doesnt want to buy it and go from there. Be aware, the housing market is down so if he doesnt want to buy it, it may sit for a few months, so you will want to make arrangements for either staying with your brother, temporarily moving into the house or looking at short term leases on an apt. Once you have figured that out you can focus on your next task, which is the wedding and honeymoon. But try to get your housing situation worked out before the wedding so it doesnt ruin your day by weighing on your mind.
Good luck!
ETA:I just saw your additonal information of your fiance wanting to be a "man" and take care of you. Well listen, I have been married for 8 years and let me tell you, marriage is a partnership. You BOTH should be taking care of each other for the best interest of BOTH of you. Getting into money trouble, just for the sake of his pride is not beneficial for either of you and it will just cause more fighting. This is 2007, not 1957, and I think you both need to realize this.
2007-03-15 03:26:39 · answer #1 · answered by kateqd30 6 · 4⤊ 0⤋
"I can't lose my love for life over this???"
This is just your first hurdle in a long long race, dear. If your first thought is that your relationship can't survive it-----you have some more work to do before you tie the knot. Whats more the question of where to live is just part of life---every bride/couple faces the same question. So don't turn it into a dilemna. Stop the drama. Its nice that your mom is trying to offer you a place but thats all it is an offer. If you can't wait on it, dont. Its about you and your husband now. You mention two mortgage payments twice but that makes no sense...if there's a renter in your moms place, either you are buying it or you are not. How would you have two payments? SOunds to my like you want your cake and eat it too...you MUST have a house but you also MUST have the bargain mom is offering you. I assume her house saves you some $$. Stop being locked in to having it all and look at whats best for you and your husband. If you are arguing this much then maybe there is more to this----and maybe he is right and you need some distance between y ou and your mom just until you get established as a couple. Renters dont "try" to get out. They are served a notice, then a certified notice and they are out or they pay for the movers. The locks are changed and the lease goes on. Again, I will assume that the renter is a longtime friend or family member and thats the problem...but renting is a financial agreement and so long as he does not have a lease the next 2 mos is plenty of time. Myself, I would be concerned that your fiance didn't get his OWN place before now. I hope he has supported himself for some time on his own without the cushion of his brother---the two of you are in for a world of struggle if neither of you has ever lived independent before. If thats the case, its no wonder he's upset and reacting. And, if thats the case, expecting to own a home is a little unrealistic. Get your focus back onto the two of you and the things that make you happy. If this waiting game is too much strain, dont wait, lease a house, rent an apt or start house hunting (not much time and you wouldnt close in time)---so your options are limited. I would def say living in an apt would be better than having to move in with the brother in law. Sit down with mom and find out if she is going to serve this guy to force him to move by May 1.....if not, your roof is no longer her responsibility, you and the fiance need to figure out a plan
B. This is the real work of marriage....most things dont go as planned. But you need to find the strength to love one another, have a laugh and keep working at it.....if you are tearing ea other apart now, before you are married, I am worried.
2007-03-15 04:04:00 · answer #2 · answered by Sweetserenity 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
What do you mean two mortgage payments?
So you have a few choices if you can't get the house:
1. Stay at the brother's place.
2. Find another house.
3. Find an apartment.
4. Be homeless and live on the streets.
An apartment rental seems the best thing right now, especially if you want to get out of his brother's place and can't move in yet to the house you and your parents own. Obviously living on the streets isn't an option.
There is NOTHING wrong with living in an apartment. I find it sad that he seems to think that people in an apartment are lower than he is. There are many advantages with living in an apartment, and it could always be temporary, until you find a house or be able to move into that house you are stressing over.
2007-03-15 05:43:24 · answer #3 · answered by Terri 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Youre already stressed from wedding planning, and so youre letting this get blown out of proportion.
Just get a short term rental property until you know what is going to happen with the house (doesnt have to be an apartment, however if he wants to provide for you, him paying the rent on an apartment is the same as him paying the mortgage). If you are part owner (and are therefor responsible for the mortgage already) you need to keep on top of this or you could end up with problems (unpaid mortgage, renter trouble, etc). You should also have a say in whether it gets sold. If you and your father both do not want the house sold and you want to live in it, I dont think it is fair for your mother to sell it out from under you (nor do I think that is legal). That said you should not live that close to your parents, as you already admitted they are controlling and you have trouble stopping them from doing so.
If you are NOT part owner of the house (not on mortgage or title) then you will NOT be held accountable for it regardless of whether it gets sold or not. So you could go get yourself a new house and there wouldnt be 2 mortgages, only the one your fiance and you signed up for.
Either way if you rent for a 6 month period or a year even the mortgage situation should be cleared up by that time and you wouldnt have put yourself into anything more binding than a short term lease.
2007-03-15 03:23:13 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
What about renting a house until the situation is under control? You'd have to pay your rent + Morgage, but it is so much less permanent...
I think the time right before you get married can be THE WORST - I do some wedding photography and recently got married myself - the planning and stress beforehand is so emmense that when the little stressors in life pile on top, it seems like too much.
Do something relaxing. Take a day with your love and go someplace quiet to talk without getting angry and upset. brainstorm some ideas and pick the most logical way around it - if it means lowering his standards and living in an apartment for 6 months, it should be worth it to keep your sanity right?
2007-03-15 11:38:42 · answer #5 · answered by myaddictiontofire 5 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Honey, this is how destiny is telling you not to get into that house. It's a blessing in disguise, you guys need privacy as newlyweds, and living down the street from your parents is not a good idea. (speccially if they are controlling, did you even watch Everybody loves Raymond?)
My suggestion is to star looking for other houses to buy. You cannot evict a renter from a house on a week notice, it has to be at least 30 day written notice of eviction for the current renter to move out (that is if is not specified otherwise in their rental agreement). It's already mid-may, so even if they post a 30 day eviction notice on his door, you will not be able get the house on time. He also has the right to fight it in court, so that can take even longer!!! So don't put your heart into this house. I know that your parents (mom) are trying to do you a fvaour but this is ripping your relationp apart and that is NOT good before wedding.
Find somewhere el to live, not his brother's not the house that is occupied. Not appartment. A small house next town would do just find to start with.
Good luck
Ps/ calm down! You man loves you! Do not cry anymore. I know that is frustrating but you have to compromise now.
2007-03-15 03:35:08 · answer #6 · answered by Blunt 7 · 2⤊ 1⤋
First off the issue of parents in this kind of situation is always hard. On the one hand you have your fiance who loves you and you love him, and on the other is your parents. Personally speaking I say you and your father need to sit down and let your mother know how things are gonna be. I always hate it when i have to be defiant with my parents but the fact of the matter is that i am an adult. You have to realize that yes, you can love, respect, and appreciate them with out them controlling you. If you and your dad don't want to sell the house then that's a 2/3 vote over your mom. I think i have it easier than most because me and my father never got along, so it's easy for me to not let them control me. But, reading this issue, i have to say that you and your dad CANNOT allow your mother to take a down payment. You have to tell her that you are going to live there not the current renters, and that's that. But if all this doesn't work out then you fiance is going to have to man up by swallowing pride and compromising to an apartment or living near the parents...it's always hard for a guy because he tries so hard to love and support his wife, but that can't always be the case (personal experience). Do NOT let go of one another, to break that bond makes it even harder to build another.
2007-03-15 04:12:23 · answer #7 · answered by Sire_D 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Do not buy the house from your parents. Do not live close enough to them as to make it convenient for them to drop by whenever they wish without calling first. You already said they are controlling, don't make it easier for them.
There is nothing wrong with living in an apartment for a while as you save money for a home downpayment. Most of us have done it, tell your fiance there is nothing "unmanly" about it. It's not a good idea to go rushing into a home purchase anyway. Even if you have enough money to outright buy a home with no mortgage, you need to take the time and make the effort to find the exact right home that is going to work best for your needs.
2007-03-15 03:31:42 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 0⤋
I hate to say this hon, but I think that you need to find a different place alltogether.
There are too many cons to make getting this house worth all of this grief. I would suggest looking for adjusted payment housing (which you sign up for and provide income information and you pay for an apartment based on your income). This way you can take care of any money you currently owe and start saving for the house you really want. It could also solve the problems with your parents overstepping their boundaries.
Plus, the feeling of independance from everyone is invigorating and makes you feel proud and happy that you and your fiance are taking care of yourselves independantly.
Best of luck!
2007-03-15 03:20:13 · answer #9 · answered by RaginCajun 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Why 2 mortgage payments? Are we talking about 1 house here?
If the house that the renter is living in is owned by your parents and yourself, then you buy out the parents share of the house and it's yours - the renter has no say on who's going to buy it - you just don't offer him that option. If your name is not on the mortgage, meaning it's only your parents house, then it's up to your parents who will buy it - again not the renter's option.
If the bf doesn't want to move in to that house, then the parents buy you out and you look for another house - simple.
Just relax, talk to your parents and sort it out.
2007-03-15 03:19:13 · answer #10 · answered by chicchick 5 · 3⤊ 0⤋