Husband and I have a daughter together, he has 2 other kids. How far should I go to avoid jealousy amoung them

Question

My daughter is 3 months old. Since this is my first child I want to do all the usual things that first-time parents do, like buy her lots of fun baby toys, clothes, mother and daughter and father and daughter things, etc. His kids from a previous marriage live with us and I don't want to create any jealously between mine and his but I feel like I am being cheated of being a first time Mom if I cannot do these things and more for my firstborn. Am I being paranoid or is it really something that I should be worrying about?

Answer 1

To the ends of the earth my friend.

You should definetly worry about it, you married him after all and his kids are now your kids.

It is ok to do things with your baby, but you also need to do things with his children. If you do not include them now and make them feel 100% part of the family so that they don't question your love between them and their new sister they will feel alot of resentment towards and you will not be able to get a grip on them as they get older and believe me you want their love and respect when they become teenagers otherwise they will run your life.

Remeber, you choose this. When he asked you to marry him you could of said yes or no, you knew the situation before, please dont be selfish, you really need to think of everyone in your family.

Answer 2

You could get the baby her needed items. You could get the older children big sister/brother items. You could explain to them that babys grow at a much faster rate then they do so they need new clothes every couple of months. Show them what she wore home and what she already wears! If you are getting memory items and keepsakes... include the older children's names. They are her big sisters/brothers and that is only fair. If its that big of a deal, buy 2 and save the one with just yours and your husbands names for later in life. But be honest with yourself. You accepted these children and need to be fair. When you go shopping for her simply spend and extra 10 or 20 on the others as well. I am a mother to 3... when I buy the youngest something I also get the girls something like a shirt or small toy. They still wonder but they understand that babys have different needs. Let the older children be included though.

Answer 3

Why can't you do those things? I don't see a problem with buying her extra stuff - well, because she has nothing coming in. I would advise to include your other two in buying the toys for her and picking out stuff. There can be mother/daughter stuff to do/buy, but you have to include the other children. Don't feel guilty about doing these things. However, I just say be careful not to disassociate the other kids from those activities.

Answer 4

The kids would be jealous even if they were your's too. That's apart of them growing up and taking their role as big brother/sister. Let them know that baby's need things to help them grow and learn. Get the other siblings to help by playing with the baby and let them know how being a older sibling is an important role that will last forever.

Answer 5

I must say the more support you have the better. Go to church or join one and enter your kids in Sunday School. You will get to keep your baby with you in church and be with your husband. And the teacher's there know a lot about family values and will teach your children how to interact with eachother in a healthy way. You can also enroll in a Couples Group and there will be other blended families as well. And I will leave your with this wonder prayer.

The prayer of St. Francis says it best...

Lord, make me an instrument of your peace,
Where there is hatred, let me sow love;
where there is injury, pardon;
where there is doubt, faith;
where there is despair, hope;
where there is darkness, light;
where there is sadness, joy;
O Divine Master, grant that I may not so much seek to be consoled as to console;
to be understood as to understand;
to be loved as to love.
For it is in giving that we receive;
it is in pardoning that we are pardoned;
and it is in dying that we are born to eternal life.

Answer 6

Why do YOU feel like you're being cheated; if you don't treat your husbands kids with the same love as your biological child then THEY are the ones that will be cheated! Those kids didn't ask for their parents to divorce and remarry and certainly don't deserve for you to show favoritism. You married this man knowing he had kids, why are you questioning this NOW??

Answer 7

It's your right to pamper her:) but also your duty to realize that there are other kids who need clothes and toys too. But don't worry about it. Stress is not a good thing.

Kids don't get that jelous if you explain things to them. Things like "babys need these things" and "when you were a babay, you had a lot of clothes too" are good. If the terrible "why" pops up just say that babies brake things more easily and that she need lots of clothes because they get dirty really easy.

Answer 8

I feel the same way that you do. My fiance has another kid, and it seems like I am being robbed of being a 1st time mom. I am not going to let it bother me. It's my kid and I am going to buy all the things I want and I am going to do whatever I want with my kid. I don't think you should be worried about it. I know it's not their fault but you shouldn't be punished for something in your life.

Answer 9

You don't have to be dramatic or complicated, just include them all with all of your activites. Make them get involved with your child, like feeding or dressing her. But if you're the possessive type with your daughter, like you are the only one who likes to bathe, feed, or dress her, but don't mind others changing her, that would create tension.

Do things as a family and get the others involved, if they want to. Otherwise just act normally, don't look for problems.

Answer 10

I think you are being paranoid really. Do all the things you want but please don't be jealous of the other kids it will only cause problems with you and your husband. Try not to come between him and his kids. Learn to be a family with them, they will appreciate that.