I hardly know my dying father, should i go see him?

Question

My mother and father divorced when I was 7 years old. He beat his wife and 3 kids, could never hold a job, stole rent money, left his family from months without a single phone call, missed every birthday, christmas, and graduation. On top of all of this he has kids (my age: 23) with another woman. He was pretty much the perfect dead-beat dad with a few extras thrown in. I have'nt spoken with him (nevermind seen him) in about 13 or 14 years.
He's dying alone in a Florida hospital of lung cancer. He's contacted my mother and told her everything. He has apologized and begged forgiveness. She forgave him.

I consider myself a strong minded individual, and have realized the fact that my father never has and never will be there for me.
The man is dying in a hospital and i feel nothing. I feel absolutely nothing. My mother thinks I should call him or even visit him. I feel i should too, but i really don't have anything to say to him.
Maybe i do feel something?

Answer 1

First of all, don't worry, there are no "shoulds" here, you shouldn't have to feel anything at all and don't worry if you don't have any feelings, this is perfectly normal!! You've spent your whole life getting over your feelings for your father and those feelings don't just change overnight. The only thing in this situation is that this is your only chance to see your father, your ONLY chance...because he will not be here for much longer. If you have any tiny doubt that you might want to see him, I would....because you won't be able to turn the clock back. If he really is sorry and is begging forgiveness, and if you can, perhaps you can see him, it might help you have peace with him too? You must have or still feel angry etc towards him in the past and perhaps some kind of reconciliation will help you out in years to come? I don't mean offence to your father, but you should do what YOU WANT to do right now, and if there's a chance that meeting him might help you resolve some past issues then I would do it. Seeing him helpless and alone also helps release some of the pain of having an absent parent as the anger can turn a little to pity and you realize that you don't need them in order to be a happy fulfilled person. Please do what you choose, don't be forced into any decision. Good luck, and peace for your family :-)

Answer 2

The is about the exact same thing that happen to me give or take a few details and I went to see my father. Didn't know how to feel about this person either, he died about 4 days after I left and I was glad that I did go see him. He is my biological father and I thought maybe I might make him feel better about his life before he died with nothing but regret, He helped bring me into this world and I wouldn't be here without him and I know he wished he had done a better job of being a human and a father. Tough stuff after it is over. Good luck and do go see the man before you can't.

Answer 3

Hi if you consider yourself a strong minded individual, then this should not be a question you are asking. I believe that you should go and see your father before he leaves this world. Always remember that we are all human beings and we make mistakes all the time and they can be caused due to many things for example the way we are brought up and our surroundings. He needs your forgiveness give it to him and live without a guilt feeling.

Remember though he was not there for you, you not being there for him, does not make you any different from him. Show him who he left, a good person.

Answer 4

The reason your mom wants you to go is for you not him. After he is gone you do not want to live with guilt that you did not go see him. You don't have to say anything unless you want to. I would go and be honest with him about how you feel. The fact that he is dying is not your fault or your issue, you have no feelings because this man is a stranger to you. He is now afraid because the way he lived his life. Only God knows if he is truly sorry. Your mom is a great lady to forgive him as I would not have been so generous. Good Luck.

Answer 5

Your father has a higher entity to answer to for his deeds on this earth, but you should forgive him and go to say a final goodbye. If you feel any anger or ill will towards him it would only serve to make you miserable, not him. And besides all that you could look back in a few years and say "I wish" I had said goodbye and at least spoken to the man who was my father. He may be able to apologize to you for not being a decent father/man. Good luck to you and may God Bless you.

Answer 6

I lost my Dad when I was 12 years old. We all knew he heart trouble, but at my age my Dad was going to live forever. My Mom, my Sister and I were standing by his hospital bed when he died. It was at that moment that I realized that there was a lot of things I wanted to tell Dad, and a lot of things I wanted to ask him. I couldn't, he was gone forever. Please go and visit your Dad, or at least a phone call. He has apologized to your Mom, and asked to talk to you. Everyone can change there lives especially when their time is almost finished. Don't wait as I did and then find out it is to late.
I always had a wonderful relationship with my Dad. He was my hero and though it has been 42 years since Dad died he is still my hero.Go with your feelings.

Answer 7

We can't tell you what you should do but I can tell you what I would do. I would go for myself and I would try to forgive him for myself. There's nothing he could do or say to atone for the way he's treated you over the years but at least you would be able to tell him how you felt. If you don't go and see him or at least call him you may have guilt later and you don't need that.

Answer 8

he might not have been the best husband and father in the world , only you can decide what to do if you dont go and he dies you could end up regreting it in a few years hope you make the right choice this is a hard one ,talk to your mother and see what she says . good luck

Answer 9

Visit him. On the way, pick up a bag of cow manure and dump it on him in the hospital. Explain to him that it's good that he's dying and about to go to hell (which, by the way, does not exist). And since he only has a few weeks left on the planet, you wanted him to have the feeling that all of his kids and wives and other people he's crapped on his whole life have felt because of him. Then kick him in the nuts, guve him a purple nurple and rub feces under his nose. Tell you mom you had a nice visit with him.

Answer 10

Yes you obviously do feel something or you would'nt be asking this question.I suggest that you go and see your father and tell him that you forgive him and put your heart to rest..Let the hatred go it will only hold you back in life.Good Luck to you.