Why do some people equate RUDENESS with HONESTY?

Question

Nothing specific, but rather general.

For instane, let's say someone talks rudely to someone else and when called on it, they say, "I'm just being honest" or "The truth hurts".

There are countless way to be honest, and people will be more receptive to the message if their feelings aren't hurt.

So what is the ultimate goal? To hurt the person, or for the person to be receptive to the message?

Answer 1

I say... If you can't say something nice don't say anything at all.

There are many people who use passive aggressive tactics like this all the time.... my mother is one of them.

They are really not trying to be honest at all, they just justify their actions by saying they are. These people intend to be rude and hurtful, but they play it off as if they were just "concerned about you" or "thought you should know..."

This is not honesty at all. Someone who honestly wanted to help would be able to word things in a way that shows someone their actual concern.

For instance instead of saying "I hate your boyfriend, he is a total jerk. You could definately do better.", they could say "You are such a great person, I am worried that your relationship with your boyfriend is bringing you down and causing you more harm than good. Do you need to talk about anything? I'm always here to help if you need it."

See one is attacking a person for their descisions on what boyfriend they chose and the other is saying I'm concerned for you, please open up to me.

Although, alot of people who grew up with a parent or parents like mine (alcoholics, addicts and abusers), tend to learn these behaviors from their parents and tend to not even recognize that they are as hurtful as they are. My dad is both an abusive alcoholic and he grew up with abusive alcoholic parents so they modeled this rude behavior so consistantly that even when he is honestly trying to help, he comes across as rude and mean. But most of the time his obvious ignorance shines thorugh and people brush it off.

I had to relearn how to communicate with others, in a normal and thoughtful manner. I have also been trying to help my dad learn how to treat people nicer and talk to them normal, still honest, but without attacking them. He's doing much better. My mom, on the other hand, still thinks she's being nice and we all know that we cannot change what we do not admit doing.

Answer 2

Sometimes the truth does hurt but that's still no excuse for being rude. You can advise someone of a bad situation and still be polite.

It's all in the delivery. If you are hurtful for the purpose of getting the message thru to someone then you are defeating the whole purpose because now the person you're talking to is defensive.

The next time you call someone out on being rude and they say "I'm just being honest" give them a dose of their own medicine and tell them "Honest or not you're being rude." Sometimes allowing them to feel the way they make others feel may help them do better next time. And making it personal by saying "you're" being rude helps define that it was their action that is in question, not what was being said.

Answer 3

I think that a lot of people who are being honest, come across as being rude, because they are being blunt. Some people like to be direct and assertive and this can sometimes produce a negative outcome. People who are genuine will not mean it deliberately to insult you, but of course there are people who will be rude and will use 'honesty' as an excuse. Of course people will be more sensitive and will approach honesty with a nice calm approach. I think either way a persons goal is to be give a opinion, otherwise they wouldn't have opened there mouths to speak.

Answer 4

I have had the same problem with a friend.

Unfortunately some people can give you unsolicited remarks that hurt and call this honesty. I am afraid this is another form of dishonesty since no one should tell you he is being frank with you, in other words , cares about you that's why he's being frank, while he doesn't care the least bit about your feelings.

And Though irrelevant, i must add that you can only change yourself. People can never be changed, at least let us all be aware that honest opinions should never be unsolicited and should be said in the least hurtful manner possible. If you don't care about the other person's feelings, then why even talk to him?

Answer 5

Excellent question!

People who talk loudly and rude are usually just trying to capture "the floor". They want to be heard and want to sound like they are the only one that knows what they are talking about.

What do they do? They insult people, stare them down and then say, "Hey, I'm just being honest". Being honest does not mean opening your big mouth every time a thought comes to your little mind.

It is always in good etiquette to keep quiet about someone's handicap, speech challenge, or their mistakes. It is not our place to point out what is wrong with anyone else, EVER! Being honest is their defense for being arrogant, rude, tacky and low class. They don't need to be honest, they need to BE QUIET!

Answer 6

I believe rude people have low EQ but want to turn it into something positive like they are just being honest. We can always tell the truth, but should be wise in doing so if the truth we're gonna say is unpleasant, just need to be tactful, which I think they are not intelligent enough to learn.

Answer 7

Honesty is NOT always the best policy. If my wife gets her hair cut and colored, for example, and then asks me if I like it--what's the point of saying "no" if it's aready don?e. Maybe a few days later or if she asks in advance, I might say "I love you no matter what it looks like, but I like the natural color a lot."
I agree with the other answerers who distinguished tactful honesty from rude or blunt answers. They gave you good answers and, if honesty if necessary, you can do so with tact and kindness.

Answer 8

as quickly as the respond might make him experience harm (yet it must be the honest element to declare on the time), i think its extra alike being rude, coz there are extra extra useful procedures without hurting any emotions & being honest in a similar time to tell a individual he has a undesirable hair cut back, or what so ever. those situations dont have any line between them, its as much as you to verify them & evaluate the final way of no longer being rude in being honest. good success.

Answer 9

Sometimes honesty is not the best policy, unless you like pissing people off. That's where tact comes in. Tact is defined as: A way of telling a person to go to Hell and they enjoy the trip.

Answer 10

Some people believe their insights and opinions are SO valuable that they must voice them. Those people should be muzzled. Their goal? To express their opinion no matter who they hurt. That's rude behavior and BAD manners. I can't stand that!! I imagine they're not very bright or lack the life experience that stops most people from acting like that.