What would you do if you found out through the grape vine that your fiance had gay relations at one point?

Question

I personally think that if that person is special enough to you to marry then they should not be finding out through the grape vine. I would question every move he made because what else could he be hiding?

actually im not the fiance a friend of mine is

Answer 1

I agree with you. It falls into the category of having kids, having been engaged (or married) before, having had a serious mental illness, having used hard drugs, and some other big things. These are things a spouse should know, and so they should be discussed prior to the proposal so that the one proposed to may make a reasonably informed decision about whether or not to marry the person.

Answer 2

I would be curious but I would not freak or assume I cannot trust him. There are many possibilites here. First I do not know your fiance's age. A lot of people, even though they will not admit it, do have sex with members of the same sex...and it does not mean they are gay. It is called experimentation and our society is unfortunately NOT tolerant about it for many reasons..mostly stemming from religious judgment. And that is where the problem comes in IMO.

You know it also occurred to me that what is "relevant" to others through the grapevine and gossip may not be relevant to him. For example if it did not mean too much to your fiance after the experimentation or experiences it would not even occur to him to discuss it with you because it would be something he has resolved.... My thoughts about sexuality and sexual orientation is based more upon how you feel emotionally about someone coupled with a sexual attraction. I think our society makes way too big a deal about sexual experimentation and wants to slap a label on it, again because of religious judgment. I would simply discuss it with him if it bothers you. It does not mean because he had sex with other men in the past that he would be unfaithful to you. I fail to see the association quite frankly. Even if someone is bi-sexual it does not mean they are incapable of devotion, and fidelity within an established partnership. I mean he has proposed to you...maybe it would be more productive not to mistrust him until you know more. I think you will only "question every move he made" if you do not discuss it with him. Sometimes are imaginations are way more complex then the actual truth.

Answer 3

If it was before me and I knew he had been tested for HIV, I think although I would have liked to have been told, that I could probably get over it. But of course I am saying that as someone who has never actually been in the situation, so I have no idea how I would really react. If I found out that this had gone on while my husband was with me, I would be devistated because he cheated, at that point I wouldnt care if it was with a man or a woman, that he cheated would be enough to kick him out.

Answer 4

Depends on how you came by the info. Did someone volunteer it, or were you asking around about him?

If someone volunteered it, well, you still have to deal with it. It's okay (not fun, not comfortable, but okay) to tell your fiance, "I'm sorry to have to bring this up, but someone told me this and I need to talk to you about it." Then you see how he reacts, what he says.

Understand that a lot of people have homosexual experiences growing up who don't end up being homosexual - it's experimentation. Lots of homosexual people also have heterosexual experiences in much the same way.

If you were asking questions, then you need to ask yourself WHY you were wondering about this.

Then you apologize to your fiance for talking about him behind his back.

Then you discuss why you were worried about this issue in the first place.

One way or another, now that the information "out," so to speak, you have a conversation ahead of you, and uncomfortable as it may be, it'd be better to have it before the wedding than after.

Answer 5

I worked on a winery in a city referred to as Mildura(section many times happening as Sunraysia -inhabitants approximately 50,000 located on the Murray River,portion of the Murray-Darling gadget,the biggest in Australia,region is semi barren region and relies upon on irrigation,yet has a great variety of produce,will enhance something if the water is obtainable,yet regrettably Australia has suffered prolonged drought and water allocations have been decreased so much less cropping) on the borders of latest South Wales,Victoria,and South Australia for almost ten years and the music become performed plenty during the finding out on season that it began sending anybody nuts,oops,grape.(real tale)

Answer 6

Whatever either one of you did before you met each other, shouldn't become an issue...the past is gone and it's the future that matters now.

Judging him because of a gay relationship before he knew you, suggests to me that you're not ready for a commitment.

Just accept him for who he is. How many truths have you told him about your past? Why should any of it matter? It's the same as saying, he had "X" amount of lovers before you came along....it's just not relevant.

If it bothers you so much, talk to him about this and try to move on otherwise, don't marry this man.

No-ones perfect...we all have skeletons in our closets and, I'm sure you're no exception.

Answer 7

I don't mean to sound rude but i would feel as if that was just too much information to take lightly and i would question him about it and if i find it to be true we could be friends but nothing else. The signs is already up so do your homework before you make that big step of marriage. Good Luck!

Answer 8

First thing I would do is talk to him about it. Don't confront him because that would upset him. But turn it into a conversation. You could say what do you think about homesexuals and have you ever fantased about it or done it. But make sure to also include your thoughts and if any, experiences. And if you feel that he is not being truthful with a light conversation about it then one day just say we got to talk. Tell him you don't believe the rumors but you are upset by them and you wanted to talk to him about it. Good Luck

Answer 9

I would confront him and demand the truth. If you believe he had gay relations DO NOT marry him! He is probably gay then and just doesnt want to admit it to himself. Years later, when you are married, he will probably leave you for a man or cheat on your with men. So dont risk it.

Answer 10

If it doesnt bother the bride its not an issue. How long ago did this happen, like years & years ago or months ago? If it was in the past and he says he is not gay leave it there. Is it worth throwing away a potentially happy marriage for this?