I need advice about my mum.We have totally different ideas when it comes to life.Im 18 and going to be leaving soon, she wants me to stay in the town im in, get a job preferably in a bank or as a teacher, not go to college, get a husband and a house close to where she is (we recently moved and now live 6 houses away from my older brother!!). Im planning on going to florida (i live in ireland) to be with my bf in september and be with him a year, i have already applied to my colleges and when i come back, im going to go to a college 300 miles away, i dont have any other plans apart from that because i dont think i could predict these things. The problem is she doesnt take me seriously, laughs when i tell her, saying i wont/cant do it, refuses to discuss me going away.How can i get her to listen to me and take me seriously and get her out of the denial she is in about me growing up and being able to do this and stop treating me like a child with grandiose ideas?? Thanks =)
2007-03-15 00:25:34 · 13 answers · asked by Chyme 6 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
Im not looking to be a teacher or banker, im crap at maths, dont like kids very much and have the maternal instinct of a paintbrush lol
2007-03-15 00:35:58 · update #1
And i dont need her to be cool with my choices, thats not what im asking. But she needs to realise this is happening and soon, i dont want her to realise im 100% serious at the last minute. Its very frustrating when a parent has no faith in their child do make something of their life and say, 'why do you expect so much from your life'
2007-03-15 00:39:46 · update #2
And i dont need her to be cool with my choices, thats not what im asking. But she needs to realise this is happening and soon, i dont want her to realise im 100% serious at the last minute. Its very frustrating when a parent has no faith in their child do make something of their life and say, 'why do you expect so much from your life'
2007-03-15 00:39:59 · update #3
Wow, sounds like your Mum is having a little trouble letting go of you. It does happen. How to improve the relationship?
Well, you can't change her, so focus on what you can change - you. Forgive her for being (it appears) scared. Scared to lose you, scared that you'll try something and fail (parents who love their kids HATE to see them hurt for any reason at all). Her being scared doesn't mean she's right, but it is how she feels.
It's tough that she's trying to laugh off your dreams and plans. Sounds like she's trying to protect both of you - to keep you safe by keeping you with her, and not trying anything too grand so you won't have to be hurt when you fail. As you go on, you'll succeed at some things, fail at others, learn from both, survive and grow. All of this probably sounds very threatening to your Mum, who wants to keep you in the nest and safe, and who fears you flying away, leaving her behind.
You can't magically make her stop being afraid. What you can do is stay in touch, show her how you can survive when things don't go as planned, and that you aren't going to just move off and forget her. Over time, she'll probably get used to you being off on your own, see that you're okay, and you keep in touch, so she isn't losing you. At that point, she'll likely relax about all of this.
Meantime, your plans sound very exciting! Have fun!
2007-03-15 00:55:42 · answer #1 · answered by peculiarpup 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Maybe she is trying to prevent you from making the biggest mistake of your life. Im not saying its a mistake or will be but from Ireland to Flordia that is a HUGE relocation. Maybe things are going through her mind that arent going through yours such as what if the relationship doesnt work, what if you dont do well in college there, what if you cant find a job so on and so forth. What if your bf kicks you out and you have no place to go and neither of you can afford to bring you back to Ireland. Ask her why she feels this way. If your the baby it explains alot. And your right your an adult time to stand on your own two feet and do what is right for you, but leaving the country is a huge step maybe all her fears are coming out. When I turned 16 I was sent off to college only 70 miles away and at first it was hard on my mom, when I graduated I lived 70 miles from her then moved to be closer to her. Now I live 300 miles from my dad {mom deceased} and I miss my nephews something terrible. I am also 2600 miles {moved out of tx} away from all my friends. So moving is a big deal and its scarey maybe she's just scared for you.
2007-03-15 00:48:05 · answer #2 · answered by texas_angel_wattitude 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your actions speak more loudly than words. Are you handling your life wisely or still being dependent on your mum? Do you share responsiblities around the house, do your own laundry, etc. things that might give her a clue you are headed toward maturity? She doesn't seem to have much of a vision, poor dear; don't hold that against her. Just explain to her that you have other plans and designs for your life, with all due respect. Be careful when you come to Florida and be sure to pursue that education; don't let a BF get you off course[neither him or your mum.] Tell her you can always pursue the job in a bank, if all else fails, but if you are single minded and determined, I think you'll accomplish much more in life than pushing paper and making change.
2007-03-15 00:37:45 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your mother sounds very traditional. She is also probably very scared and sad that you might be moving far away - she still views you as her little girl! Laughing off your plans may be her way of denying that you want to leave her. Sit her down and tell her that you would like to talk seriously about your future and would appreciate her opinion (moms love giving advice and will be more willing to talk if you show that you might take her opinion into consideration.)
Good for you for pursuing a higher education and not settling for something right away. However, if your mother does not support your going away to college, you may not receive any financial support from her. Be preapred to pay your own way if necessary!
2007-03-15 00:34:05 · answer #4 · answered by Miss B 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Proceed with your life when the time comes in the least hurtful way possible. FYI mature people do not need Mommy to be cool with their choices as an adult. When you reach that point you will be able to follow your dreams and still act respectfully toward your mother. Your mum by the way has the normal dreams of every mom. She would like to be near the child that she carried under her heart for the rest of her life. That is not denial my dear its love.... try to cut the ties in a loving way that will make her want to see you when you come back for visits. I am sixty years old and the thing I respect most about my children is that they have become the kind of people that I would want to know if they were not of my flesh. They both live at a distance and I am very proud of them of course, I still wish that they lived down the street so that I could gaze at them across a room from time to time. I am not angry that life had other things to offer but I am very proud of them for their kindness when they left and for them allowing me my own personal feelings with regard to their leaving.
2007-03-15 00:35:58 · answer #5 · answered by QueenBean 5 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Jenny, it is hard for some parents to understand their kids are growing up and want to leave. That means to them that they are no longer fundamental in their kids lives, and that they ;we (as I have 3 kids) are getting old.
But we raise kids for the world and not for ourselves! So take your life and don t feel guilty about it. She will eventually understand it. Don't let her laughing undermine your plans. We always want what we think is best for our kids, but that does not mean we are right :)
It is time for you to think about what these plans mean to you. It is hard enough to take ourselves seriously, don't focus so much attention in convincing your mom. But make sure to not take decisions just because you want to go away. Plan carefully, and try to build a safety net in case things go different than planned. Good luck.
2007-03-15 02:40:11 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well - you can't blame your mother for not wanting to loose you. She is in denial. The only thing you can do is be really nice to her and carry on with your own plans. She brought you up to be strong and independant and now she wants to keep her baby. Do not let her feelings affect you - but keep in contact while you are away. She will get used to it.
2007-03-15 00:30:41 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
you have to see it from her eyes (but don't listen to her) she don't want to let you go. SHE HAS NO CONTROL over that..
but you need to tell her and say don't be supprise when i go to collage to get my teachings degree and teach in flordia .. did you know that teachers get up to 25% off on house out there? Yep kicks but.
but tell her that you willstay in contact and you understand that this is will be hard for both ofyou! and then say i don't want to do what you have planned for me mom i'm sorry and if you don't want to be my friend now for this then i guess you can just stay my mom and not listen to me.
2007-03-15 00:31:34 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
wow..very long story...but, i see what you're saying about you and your mom......my advice is....just do what is best for you for your future..just go out and make it happen..dont let her put your ego's down..you are young and full of energy to strive and trying to find what interest you the most...once you find what you like in your career..i am sure your mom will respect you and see you are more responsible person..make it happen>>>>>seeing is believing<<<<<< smile :-)
2007-03-15 00:55:15 · answer #9 · answered by virgo7134 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Mothers are the best and always give best ideas and suggestions
2007-03-15 00:30:04 · answer #10 · answered by rahulsins1982 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋