My sis passed having a brain tumour & my bro-in-law has a new girlfriend right after her demise. I was very pissed with him at first but i forgave him because he was there for my sis till the day she passed. He & my family are still in good terms but it is very arkward when we see his girlfriend around. I hated this girl. To me, she is just a gold digger. How do I overcome this hatred over her?
2007-03-14 22:16:39 · 9 answers · asked by Piper 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
First off, I'm so sorry for your loss! Losing someone you love is so hard.
It was probably hard for your brother-in-law, too. You recognize that your BIL was there for your sister. Her illness was doubtless terrifying and exhausting for him. That he's dating again doesn't mean he loved your sister less.
Of course it's awkward seeing him with someone else, because that "someone else" is a reminder that your sister isn't with you any more. No one is ever ready to lose someone he or she loves, though. I've lost people quickly, and slowly, and can't say I was more ready for it either way.
You don't say whether it's been a week or a year. While it seems to you that your BIL is dating again too quickly, ask yourself if you really would ever be ready to see him with someone other than your sister. It would likely hurt whenever it happened.
How do you overcome your hatred for this new woman? First off, recognize that you probably don't really hate her - you hate the fact of her, that your sister isn't there, that seeing your BIL with someone else reminds you of that fact. In order to truly hate this woman, you have to get to know her (how can you hate someone you don't know?). As it is, you probably don't really hate her - you hate what she represents, and that's not the same thing.
Seeing her is awkward and uncomfortable. That's natural. It's also not her fault, nor was your sister's death. Put yourself in her shoes - you meet someone you really like. He's grieving for his late wife, so you try to be there for him. His wife's family, who don't really bother to get to know you, resent you for not being her. Pretty tough situation to be in.
Show some compassion for your BIL, who is dealing with your sister's death in his own way, and this new person, who isn't to blame for this situation. Allow yourself to feel however you feel, but show compassion for both of them, and tell yourself that in time, it will get easier. Make an effort to get to know this new person on her own terms. She might not be your sister, but she probably has something to recommend her, or your BIL wouldn't be dating her - he loved your sister, so he has good taste, right?
It will get easier, in time. Good luck!
2007-03-14 23:50:07 · answer #1 · answered by peculiarpup 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You hold onto the fact that he was there for your sister till the end, that she loved him and that she wouldn't want him to be alone.
The GF isn't responsible for what happened and if she makes your brother in law happy, then you should be happy for him because you sister was happy with him.
I have first hand knowledge of how weird this is at first because my neice that I raised married this guy that we really didnt know she got sick and died 9 months later, after her death we found out that he was no good, he refused to give us her sons stuff from the house they shared we found out that he had been married several times before and had several children that we knew nothing about. I got so angry and could have hated him, but i stepped back and looked at it this way for the 9 months she was married to him he was good to her and she was happy and smiling alot, her life was cut short by death and at least God allowed her to feel loved and special for that short amount, because her sons father had hurt her very bad, so for the last few months of her life she was happy. So if for no other reason I can give him one good comment that was that he was good to her when she needed it the most
2007-03-15 12:58:16 · answer #2 · answered by kathy h 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
particular. this isn't any longer purely your wedding ceremony, its his wedding ceremony too. If he needs his brother in the marriage, you ought to suck it up and be the extra useful individual. you do unlike his brother, yet your FH regardless of his brothers flaws.. loves him. regrettably, on the top of the day the possibilities of you in lots of cases being his spouse are 50/50 (optimistically you're in the 50 which will final), yet he will continuously be his brother. i did no longer get alongside with my brothers now spouse (nonetheless do no longer) so of course she did no longer want me of their wedding ceremony, yet my brother did no longer go alongside with that throughout any respect, he had a backbone and demanded i become in the marriage using fact he places kinfolk first, and mentioned it wasn't only her wedding ceremony. And, i did no longer discover an excuse to no longer have her in mine, she's a BM, strolling down with my brother. each anniversary party that i've got been to (30, 40, 50, 60) the only bridal party contributors who've been there, have been their siblings, not one of the "acquaintances" who have been in the marriage on the time have been there. i observed all your edits have been responding with people who additionally think of you're incorrect, which potential you are trying to discover excuses to no longer have him in it or are looking for a reason to get your way. Sorry
2016-11-25 21:18:26 · answer #3 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He's not doing anything wrong. Your sister would have wanted him to be happy. She's dead. It's not like he's cheating. You may think this woman is a gold digger, but you're probably just unhappy because your sister is dead and are using this woman to misplace your grief.
2007-03-14 22:55:37 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I'm so very sorry for the loss of your sister. Honor her memory by thinking of the her and not concentrating on this new girlfriend who you see as someone trying to take your sister's place.
2007-03-14 23:40:59 · answer #5 · answered by Debra D 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am sorry for your loss. Do what you think your sister would want you to do. If you think she would want him to be happy leave the new girlfriend alone. If you think your sister wouldn't approve, stop talking to the brother in law. You are mad at him not the new girlfriend. She wasn't married to your sister he was.
2007-03-14 23:45:33 · answer #6 · answered by cutie322434 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i think you just have to act normal coz you can do anything right. if you think you do not like this girl dont talk to her at all.
2007-03-15 21:23:47 · answer #7 · answered by idah 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
its not her --it is him --big deal he was with his wife till she died -he should have been! its not the girl-he is the big horney lowlife--and he had the GALL TO FLAUNT HER ! what a disgrace he is to her memory!
2007-03-14 22:35:52 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 2⤋
you should bone her like you own her and drive her like you stole her this will surely ease the tention it always werks for me
2007-03-14 22:26:22 · answer #9 · answered by baddog 1 · 0⤊ 5⤋