The father was a one night stand and don't know where he is. Local lawyers make this sound complex but I have heard it be done before. Does anyone have any advice or suggestions? The father saw me six months along but never asked if this was his child. Don't know what to do. But really want my parents to adopt my son. he has lived all his life with them (4yrs). thanks!
2007-03-14 22:03:31 · 13 answers · asked by balloonlover 1 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Parenting
Ok, if your parents consent to adopting him which it sounds more than likely that they would, a lawyer would have to draw up adoption papers. The child's father has made no attempt to be a part of the child's life for atleast 2 years, and in the state of Kansas, that is enough to have his rights terminated without much problem, then all you have to do after his rights are terminated is sign the adoption papers relinquishing your rights to the child. Your parents sign that they want to become legal guardians and then it goes in front of a judge again and it's finalized. It's better to have family to adopt the child than another couple seeing as he's been with them for 4 years.
As for all the negatives, did you ever think that she's doing this to give her child a better life, one she couldn't provide on her own? That's why I gave up my first child. I knew that she was better being raised by a complete family that could give her what ever she wanted, and that she'd grow up with more in life than I did. You should all be ashamed of yourselves for putting somebody down who's obviously doing something good for this child! She could of had an abortion, or left him in a dumpster, but she didn't. She was responsible and found somebody that could and would care for a child, and who probably wanted another! Rather than criticizing her you should give her the advise she asks!
2007-03-14 23:50:44 · answer #1 · answered by Victoria B 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If your parents had wanted to adopt your child I am sure they would have asked about it already. When you say he has lived with them, is that along with you or with you living at another location? And you don't mention your age, but will assume you were on the younger side when you got pregnant, but you are not that young anymore. You have a son. Your parents have been incredably supportive, but the choice to have the baby was still yours. If you had wanted to place him up for adoption because you knew deep down you didn't want a child, you should have done so at birth. While the ultimate decision is between you and your parents..and the final decision is thier's..it seems to me that instead of looking for a way not to be a Mom, it may be time to accept that that is exactly what you are. As for the father, weather he acknowledges it or not, you are legally entitled to get financial support from him. It may take some time and a DNA test, but it is an option.
I agree that giving up a child takes a lot of courage and thought. However, this is not an infant but a four year old who may not understand why the person he may have called Mommy all his life no longer wants to be called that. This child would still be in the young ladies life...going from being her child to her brother. This complicates things on an emotional level. However, if the child has never known her as the mother, then this point is moot. But the fact that she has let her family raise the child for four years rather than choosing adoption from the outset tells me that on some level she wanted this child. Having her parents adopt him would need to be more than a change of legal status, but an emotional one as well and both could not be undone at a later date if she realizes she wants to be the mom.
2007-03-15 08:17:43 · answer #2 · answered by Annie 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
as long as you know that once your son i adopted you will need alot of support because giving away a child is one of the hardest thing you ewill ever go through especially when you want or have another child you may not be able to get them to adopt him without the fathers permission but you can hand over your parental rights. you may need councilling to help you distance yourself from your son properly you may feel you have already but untill those forms are filled in your still his mum and if its been 4yrs you must have some maternal feelings for this little boy after all he is part of you also you need to think about the future will you one day look at him and want him to know everything? (proberly yes)
so i would advise you to right him a letter telling him that he didnt do any thing wrong and you love him but at that point in your life you couldnt be his mother things will be hard but it will get easy
i wish you all the best of luck as it wont be easy
i realy hope this helps
2007-03-15 07:34:29 · answer #3 · answered by kellytreen 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
What the heck is wrong with you? Why even have the child in the first place if you want to give him up? My son is almost 4 years old and there is no way I'd ever want to give him up. My life isn't great. I am a single mom too and I try my best to provide for my son. I love him more than anything in the world. I feel so bad for that little boy. Maybe he doesn't deserve you.
2007-03-19 01:11:30 · answer #4 · answered by princesstracybrat1 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am not sure what the circumstances are here. Unless the father is dangerous, which if you still visit with him, I would assume he is not, you need to tell him about the child and give him a chance to be part of his life. It will be alot more difficult to get an adoption without his permission. If you lie and say you don't know who the father is, you will be commiting a crime.
2007-03-19 04:45:38 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Go for it why not if your son has lived with them for 4 yrs they might aswell, it isn't as complicated as it sounds I know two families who have done it, and it all worked out ok. Either way your parents have the child so you will be around to watch him grow up, its not liek you are adopting him out of the family.
I wont lecture you about the one night stand 4 yrs has gone by and I am sure you learnt the hard way
Best of luck with it all
2007-03-15 05:08:07 · answer #6 · answered by jazyj 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Does your son consider them to be his parents or you? If he calls you Mom then you are better off to have parents have guardianship over him, if he calls your mother Mom then get a lawyer who knows what needs to be done (family law).
By the way I am proud of you to put your son's needs in front of your own.
2007-03-15 09:05:24 · answer #7 · answered by elaeblue 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The father seen you but never asked you if that was his kid? Well maybe he did not sit there and add the years up and figure out that was his kid.You neglected to tell him that was his kid because you are trying to be selfish with that boy.Let him know he has a son.If he wants let him adopt him since you do not want him.He is yours and the fathers not your parents responsibility.
2007-03-15 05:10:32 · answer #8 · answered by darlene100568 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
So what's wrong with YOU taking care of YOUR son? The lack of info is painting you in a bad light big time. Because as it stands my reaction is stated above. It doesn't sound like your parents are a bad sort. Didn't you learn anything from them?You'll be leaving your kid with all sorts of issues as he grows older. I suppose your lucky considering your parents didn't do what you want to do to your kid. Shame on you.
2007-03-15 05:13:51 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
You are no better than the father when it comes to this child. Neither one of you take care of it so yes it would be best if the grandparents adopted.
2007-03-15 05:48:17 · answer #10 · answered by ஐ♥Julian'sMommy♥ஐ 7 · 1⤊ 2⤋