Me and my boyfriend (that wants to move in together) wants to get engaged. He told me last night that he would ask me right then and there to get married, but he hasnt asked me because he doesnt have the money for a ring right now! :( What should i do? My parents doesnt want us moving in together until they have a type of surety that he is serious about me. And my parents are very old-fashioned,and think we should wait until engaged or married before we move in together. But what do I do now? I have sorted out the problem with the housemate,and we have decided to move in together, alone, in our own little place end of July. But I know he has debt, and that he will probably not be able to afford the ring before then. Please help!!!
2007-03-14 21:51:10 · 12 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
my best advice for you is to stop living your life for everyone else. you can be engaged without a ring, and you don't have be engaged or married to live together just because your parents dont approve. It might be hard to say something to your parents about it, but its your life not theirs. And if you're happy thats all that matters.
2007-03-14 21:57:28 · answer #1 · answered by ~*Katie*~ 4 · 1⤊ 2⤋
The other posters are entirely correct that you do not have to have a ring to be engaged. That said, from the sounds of it you are still very young yet and I think maybe your parents are worried that you will be taken advantage of (thought as "why get married if we can live together and act married"). It isnt unheard of, and your boyfriend may not have it in mind now, but may end up there if you move in together just because it is a convenient rut.
I suggest you and he sit down and figure out a way to save up the money for him to pay off his debt and for the 2 of you to start saving for the wedding you want to have (or have yourself a courthouse wedding), because if he cant afford an engagement ring he wont be able to afford much contribution toward a wedding either which could leave you in engagement limbo for a LONG TIME.
2007-03-14 22:24:03 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I understand your situation. I, too, have "old-fashioned" parents that stress morality. I have "old-fashioned" values, too, because I don't believe in moving with a guy until I'm married. That's the moral and right thing to do. Like other people have said on here, you'll wait, and wait, and wait, and he'll never marry you... I wouldn't advise you to move in with this man, but since you already have, I guess we'll have to work from there...
If you want to go ahead and get married, you will have to decide if you want a wedding or not. If you want to go ahead and get a marriage license at a county clerk's office--just to have it on paper--you can do that, and then have a wedding later if it fits on your agenda. If you have to have a ring for the ceremony, you can get a very affordable ring. You might could ask his family (or even yours) to pitch in some money for the wedding ring set, but be advised that the fact that this man can't even get you a ring foreshadows the financial problems you'll have in your marriage. That will only add to your frustrations and marital problems... you already see this so don't be surprised if money matters come up...
If he really wants to get you a wedding set, then maybe he can pay on one from a jeweler for a reasonable price or you could go to the pawn shop and purchase a set for a really cheap price (which may not be a good idea). It's really good that this man loves you and wants to spend the rest of his life with you - but you both have to make sure you're ready because marriage is a 100% -100% between you both--nobody is supposed to be slacking. God bless.
2007-03-16 05:05:31 · answer #3 · answered by IB_08 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Take the advice of sitting down and figuring out whether or not you have to money to pay for all the bills you have, it will make it so much easier, but dont take the advice of not moving in with someone and getting engaged and the guy will just let it keep going on, i moved in with my fiancee before we were engaged, we lived together for about 6 months before we got engaged, and he didnt just propose and leave it at that we are planning a wedding, we are getting married in October, so dont take that advice. You dont need a ring to get engaged, he could wait until he gets the money to do that, a ring doesnt mean anything, go with your heart if you want to be with him, move in with him and start your life together, it doesnt matter how old you are like the others are saying, do want you feel is best for you.
2007-03-15 07:05:59 · answer #4 · answered by brooke_lynn04 1 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Even a sterling silver ring has the same meaning, you can pick up some beautiful pieces for a price to suit the smallest budget, its the meaning behind it that matters not the colour or the size of the stone in it :o)
Can I just make a small suggestion? Before you move in together, be sure to work out a house budget so that you dont struggle. Its not easy living on your own, trust me, I have lived out of home since I was 15 years old & that was 12 years ago! Without a good amount of cash coming in, it really isnt as easy as finding a house & moving in.
If your boyfriend is serious about making a life for the both of you he wont have a problem sitting down & seriously discussing how you can live together, pay bills/rent/food etc & still manage to pay off his debt & possibly save for your wedding.
Best of luck to you, if you plan it out before hand, your parents might see how serious you are & that you are of mature mind to work it out with your man & know that there might be unexpected expenses or surprises along the way.
2007-03-14 22:08:32 · answer #5 · answered by Mrs D 6 · 5⤊ 0⤋
You definitely don't need a ring to be engaged. But if you want something to symbolize your engagement, have him get an inexpensive ring - until you're married. You can get a decent looking ring from like JCPenneys or Kohls for under $50 that looks exactly like my engagement ring! Who cares if the diamond is real or not!
But I definitely think you should live together before marriage. I have lived with my fiance for 3 years now. If we hadn't lived together for these past few years, I wouldn't have been sure that he is the one. I also think you get to know eachother on a totally different level once you're in the same place. You two may change your mind or you may decide to get married, but moving in changes many things that can make or break a relationship.
2007-03-15 04:30:00 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
If he cannot afford even the smallest ring, how can you move forward in your relationship? Not to sound like a money grubber, but life costs money, and how will you feel about having both no committment from him AND having to take on his debts? And, your parents are only trying to help you make good choices for yourself. I'm sure they don't want you to be strung along by a guy who can't even afford to give you a tiny ring...being poor is very hard, trust me-been there and never going back. Get your finances in order before you move in together-money is the number one reason marriages fall apart.
2007-03-15 02:50:12 · answer #7 · answered by melouofs 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If he cant afford a ring how is he gonna afford house payments, food, gas, electricity etc? You should wait until he has the finances before you move in together. Everything gets doubled when moving in and not having enough money could lead to arguements. Wait it out a bit more. Being engaged is about a commitment but moving in is completely different.
2007-03-15 00:03:33 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
No, don't move in together until you are married. If you go around this site, you will find scores of girls who move in with the guy and then wait, and wait, and wait for marriage - and it doesn't come. Sometimes there is an engagement, but no wedding date set, and the girl waits, and waits. That's just giving up too much. Your parents are right - it's not that they are old-fashioned, it's just common sense. We older folks are wiser.
Find a small place to move in by yourself, and keep dating him if you want, though.
2007-03-15 00:13:34 · answer #9 · answered by Lydia 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Why do you need a ring? Just get engaged without getting a ring right away or ever! A ring doesn't guarentee marriage and cannot possibly compare to the love you have for eachother! It's just a shiny trinket meant to woo you (and it has other traditional relevence, but you're already 'caught' so let it be! I don't have a ring either :)
2007-03-14 21:56:52 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋