My friend is having a birthday party for her child turning 1. However this coincides with the weekend before i have finals for 4 classes. I told her i might not attend because i simply have finals.. this is not just a come in your jeans look descent party, its in a fancy restaurant and she is dressing up, and its semi-formal, meaning i would have to spend x amount of hours getting prepared for it.
She is offended and is lecturing me telling me that everyone has things to do and people still go, i am offended by her behavior because we lead very diffrent lives and she doesnt respect my choices.
I would never be offended if she didnt attend even my birthday let alone the birthday of any children i may have.
I have missed friends birthdays and other events before, i dont see why she is making such a big deal about this, especially when its her child and not even her directly.
What do people think? is it obligatory that i attend?
2007-03-14 21:31:35 · 16 answers · asked by Anonymous in Society & Culture ➔ Etiquette
Follow up:
she is a manipulative, me and her used to not be real friends for many years, but have known each other since we were 10, we are both 22 now and just recently developed a real friendship. However she is very stubborn and self righteous. I live on my own, no parental support financial and go to a top school, she is married, doesnt work, has a chid, and goes to school,.... i take 18 units , she is taking 8, anyways, the point is, there is this constant arguments amongst us about who has a harder life. I dont argue that raising children is hard or easy, i simply tell her that unless she has lived in a city all by herself and relying only on herself, she doestn know what its like and can not compare, where as having a family and a child is something that everyone can associate the hardships of that. She doesnt respect me and i am not confrontational so i just avoid her and these arguments because its a waste of my time. I know i dont have to go and i dont plan on going.
2007-03-14 22:15:46 · update #1
wtf....a semi-formal for a 1st birthday!? sounds like a fricken princess...screw her, your future is a hell of a lot more important than a childs 1st B-day, hell it's not like the kid is gonna remember that crap.
and if she is gonna hold a grudge over some petty crap like that, maybe it's not worth having her around?
2007-03-14 23:18:07 · answer #1 · answered by Hooligan 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
No, I don't think it's obligatory that you attend. I am surprised that your friend is making such a huge deal of the issue. Studying and preparing for finals is of far greater import than watching a human who doesn't even know it's her birthday smash her little hands around in a cake.
Perhaps there is more to this situation? Perhaps your friend is asking for moral support for this function, or feels that your presence would somehow make the event better? Ask her what her motivations are and talk openly and honestly with her. If she is your friend she will listen.
2007-03-14 21:37:57 · answer #2 · answered by Last Ent Wife (RCIA) 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The kid is one, he/she will not know what is going on, or remember it. If you are studying for finals, then you need to do that. It is never obligatory to attend a birthday party, even your mother's. She may kill you later, but it is still not mandatory.
A fancy restaurant for a kid's party? Oh dear, tell me which one it is, so I'm not there during the party! LOL.
Semi- formal? What will the one year old be wearing? A cocktail dress? Sequins?
No, stick to your guns, you can not blow your chance in college. She will have to understand. I'm sorry to say, my opinion, but she isn't a very good friend if she expects you to give up your chance at a decent career, for a inappropriate party for a one year old.
2007-03-15 03:26:53 · answer #3 · answered by riversconfluence 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You know what, people are not as touchy about themselves as they are about their children. People can totally change once they have children....I've seen this happen....their entire world starts to revolve around their child.
I can appreciate the stress you're under, sort of in the same situation myself. I'd say, do attend if you can, but just for a short while. Think of it as a refreshing break. Life's all about these little adjustments.....if you want to share it with ppl, that is.
You don't need to stay for the entire duration of the party. Given that you two have already argued, I'm sure your friend would appreciate the effort. And take a great gift for the baby.....that'll work like a charm.
G'luck with the exams!
2007-03-14 21:41:46 · answer #4 · answered by Peace 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
She is being ridiculous. A semi-formal party in a restaurant for a child's first birthday. Does she think she gave birth to royalty? We normal people keep first birthdays for family only. She should not be offended. Don't go and don't worry about it. She must think she is the only person in the world who has ever had a baby.
2007-03-14 23:07:22 · answer #5 · answered by Patti C 7 · 3⤊ 0⤋
No, are not obligated to go. You have given your friend your reasons and that should suffice. No need to offer her further detailed explanations.
From reading your comments, it sounds like you need to distance yourself from this relationship. Not much positive stuff happening there.
Personally, I do not attend children's birthday parties nor feel obligated to do so.
But oh, come on!!!! This one sounds particularly rediculous. The party is not for the child, but for her. Child could not care less.
2007-03-15 05:17:57 · answer #6 · answered by Pacifica 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
An invitation to a party is NOT a command. You are under no obligation to attend. I feel that it shows bad manners on her part to berate you about this.
You can however acknowledge the event by sending a card or a gift.
2007-03-14 22:40:06 · answer #7 · answered by beckini 6 · 3⤊ 0⤋
If she can't understand why finals are important to you that's her problem. This sounds more to me like she's trying to put on airs and say "look how much I spent on my child's birthday". And she has the stones to berate you and say that it's somehow your fault for wanting to get ahead and get an education so you're not flippin' burgers when you're 50. You're right to avoid that manipulative neurotic brat.
2007-03-15 08:27:52 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Follow your priorities.
If she is a true friend she should understand that your finals is of a priority to you.
No, it not obligatory to attend. You can visit with your present, some day after you are through with your finals.
Good luck with your finals.
2007-03-14 21:39:31 · answer #9 · answered by Alice in Wonderbra 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Its because people use their children as a sad excuse for attention. These individuals are such sad excuses for people that they have to use their children to get people to hang out with them. All the while, their kid could couldnt care less who attends the party, and is only concerned with eating and shitting.
2007-03-14 21:38:03 · answer #10 · answered by Buff98216 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋