Was I right to thank her?

Question

My aunt recently sent me a $5 bill. I am an adult and do not expect gifts on special occasions, and this aunt was never one to send me gifts as a child.

She also sent a letter with this $5 bill, which contained greetings but then rather rudely stated that she had sent my cousin of the same age a significantly larger amount of money.

I suspect that this is related to a fight between my mom and my two aunts. I believe this gift was my aunt's way of rudely telling my mother that she favors her sister (my cousin's mother) over her.

My mother insisted that I send my aunt a nice thank you card. However, I feel that she should not be thanked for a gift which was intended to be an insult, nor do I wish to become a part of the family drama.

Was I right to thank her, or should I have stayed out of the situation?

Answer 1

You are right to thank her for two reasons;

1. If the gift was a gesture of kindness, you should show your appreciation.

2. If it was intended to spark some sort of fight, thank her anyway, so you do not become some instrument in this silly fight. Be mature, you have no need for this sort of nonsense.

Answer 2

In some type of sense it was nice to thank her because then she might have the respect for you that she doesn't feel toward your mother. In another sense it was rude to state the fact in a not to the face way that she likes another cousin more than you over a grudge between your mother and aunts. No person should be punished for something that isnt their fault at all. People seem to think if they don't get along with your parents very well that they should take it out on there children. But through kindness people can get amazing results.

Answer 3

Hello. It's a difficult situation you have there, but I tend to think you should stay out of it since it's not going to do much good. Had such an incident happened and I was expected to send a thank you card... I'd sent one of those 48 cents cards. I do think it's good that you did as your mother asked, especially if you live with her. Should it happen again, I'd just send the card and money right back to her and state why. That way she cannot say she sent you more money! So, just hold your peace on it and not get into it as it's not going to get better until some people's heart's change... which may not be very soon. Good luck.

Answer 4

There is an old saying respect your elders although they might not respect you. I totally agree with your mother when she insisted that you send your Aunt a thank you note for her kind gesture. Whatever your mother and aunts have it is between them and it stayed between them. Yes it was very insultive of your aunt to make such a statement but you showed her that you are bigger than her and you made your mother proud who is more important than your aunts. So the end result is your mother is proud of you and your aunt did not get her satisfaction of bringing you into their drama which I am sure it pissed her off. And if you ponder on it for awhile you would realise that it was the right thing to do and you would feel good about yourself. So give your mother a hug and a kiss for her good advice and say a pray or two for your aunts.

Answer 5

You are a grown woman now and you need only to follow your own heart in these matters. It was tasteless for your aunt to do such a thing and I would not contribute to her ignorance by thanking her for it. Had it been me, I would have indeed sent her a nice Thank You note, but I would have included the $5 bill. My note would say something like:

Dear Auntie: While I appreciate your generous gift, I simply am unable to accept it at this time. Sincerely yours, Me.

Sometimes you have to stand up on your own two feet and stop people from knocking you back down!

Answer 6

You mother was involving you in her issue with her sister by not honoring your wishes, which it seems was to NOT get involved in a "drama" that has nothing to do with you. You sound very intelligent. Usually your first impulse is best, and you clearly analyzed the situation correctly...which is, they are feuding, your Aunt was being petty with the card and $5 gift, and your mother wants to keep up the drama, regardless of the consequences, and so drew you into it for support. These type of ego battles are ridiculous and never go well unless one party concedes. But most folks prefer drama...it is addictive I suppose..LOL!

In the future I would honor my intuition and respond according to what you feel is most correct and what brings you the greatest peace.

Answer 7

You know I have found in life that doing the right thing whether others do or not is the only way to do things. I want to look at myself in the mirror and like myself and feel good about the choices I make. If people want to be petty about things, let them because they have to be accountable for their actions. Whether she meant this as an insult or some way of trying to provoke you, you probably left her baffled. People always expect to get a reaction and I find taking the "high ground" it catches them off guard because then they don't know how to come at you. So, yeah I would have thanked her and went on my business and left her to wonder. . .

Answer 8

Unfortunately I would agree with your mom and send her a thank you note. There is no need to involve yourself in a family disagreement over whatever it might have been. In my experience when the kids (even grown ups) get involved it leads to even more arguments and insults...So do say thank you and let it go...Let her feel bad for trying to make you feel bad that the other cousin got more monetary gift then you...As for getting gifts - everybody likes to get them - including adults, whether its a handmade crafty item, $5 bill, or anything that comes from the heart, not spite...Good luck!

Answer 9

Its right that u thanked her
If u did not look at it as a insult u could of misread the intension of the letter
she was probly just trying to be nice and u might have taken it the wrong way
just appreciate the 5 dollars and don't start a fight just because someone got a little more money than u b/c there are people with no money

Answer 10

I think that thanking your Aunt is was the right thing to do. It shows your maturity.... it WAS a gift even if she was rude in her presentation. It is too bad that this situation has presented itself but staying out of it is the best thing to do.
Don't sweat the small stuff!
Here's a cute quote for ya: "Always forgive your enemies, nothing annoys them so much." -Oscar Wilde
Have a great day!

Answer 11

I can understand you not wanting to acknowledge such a blatant act of disrespect to you and your mother. But think about this, by thanking her you are staying out of the family drama. No reply could have been taken as an insult to your aunt (who no doubt is looking to stir the pot), thus adding to the feud. Depending on what you wrote in the card, acknowledging her surprising gesture was appropriate.