According to my husband, my brother in law hates me. He hates me because I left my husband a while back, took the kids and packed my things and walked out the door. I warned my husband that I was not going to be spoken to the way he has and I would leave him if he continued. So I did. I put an order of protection against him because he threatened to hit me and I wasn't going to deal with it. I didn't know that the order would put my husband out of the house and allow me to come back to it. His brother hates me because of it. He only knows his brothers side of it so in a way he has reason to. Should I write him to let him see my side to let him judge for himself on who to believe, or let it go? Its hard to let it go and have him around when he comes and sees the kids or at family functions. Hes nice to me yet I was told by others its just an act of kindness. I can't live with the fact of someone hating me and faking niceness to be near my kids. My husband and I are back together and...
2007-03-14 20:57:33 · 6 answers · asked by Koozie 5 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
...and going through some major counseling and he through anger management. We are trying to save our marriage before we give up completely. But I don't feel like its any of my brother in law's business let alone his mother's or even MY parent's. Should I leave it alone and yet be miserable when hes around knowing that hes just using me to get close to his niece and nephew? He's supposed to be my family too. How can I just let that go?
2007-03-14 21:00:22 · update #1
Hi Honey, firstly well done you for standing up for yourself and refusing to let you or your kids be in a situation like that. The are still a few issues here though! Just cos your husband is learning the error of his ways now....He obviously learnt the bad ones once too....from the same place as the brother by the sounds of it...Unfortunately you wont be able to change his mind or his attitude towards you by writing a letter...it will just fuel his fire.....Your husband had to go so far as to loose his family and home before his eyes were opened..So my advice to you is this, bring this situation up in your couples counselling, If you were not going to tolerate being treated like this by your husband, then why the hell should you allow his brother to carry it on....Tell your husband that until HE holds HIS hand up, tells his brother that this situation is his own doing, and not yours , and insists that his brother treats you with respect you deserve, then he is NOT welcome at the house.....You guys have enough to worries about without the brother in law trying to throw his two pence worth into the mix....he needs to keep his nose out ! Take care, love and best wishes xx
2007-03-14 21:40:17 · answer #1 · answered by clare s 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
I think the underlying issue is that you husband didn't stand up for you and support you against your brother in law.
I think writing a letter is too formal - it sets boundaries. If you and your husband are on the mend, then hopefully it will soon disappear. If people are telling you what "he" said, then they are telling him that too.
I would accept the fact that these things happen and ignore it. It sounds as though he's the childish one.
By the way, as a family, we've had to put up with a lot more than that (adultery by two wives, fraud, etc etc and we've always just had to accept it. If that's the worst thing you've done, well, your family will survive.)
2007-03-14 21:33:22 · answer #2 · answered by True Blue Brit 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My brother in law doesn't like me either and I could give a crap. All that matters is the relationship that I have with my husband is great and how my husband treats me. Don't write the letter he's a selfish self absorbed individual who doesn't care about anyone. It wouldn't be worth your time and screw those people telling you that. Spend that energy on your marriage and family.
2007-03-14 21:01:58 · answer #3 · answered by Your Mom 5 · 1⤊ 1⤋
I would prefer to meet with him and hubby and have hubby explain what has taken place.
But if there is a letter to be written, your husband should write it and have you read it and mail it.
It may not result in any change though, he wants to feel his brother is being fairly treated by you.
2007-03-14 22:41:33 · answer #4 · answered by Nort 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
now i heard it all! you walked out on your husband because of the way he speaks to you! but your brother in law isn't allowed to judge you for it? who are you? the queen? get over it--i'm sure you offend a lot of people. you have your husband's balls on a plate but you're not getting your brother in law's as well.
2007-03-14 22:28:59 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 3⤋
sure, write one letter telling everything mean you can think of.. throw it away and write a serious one...
2007-03-14 21:27:11 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋