Eighteen Year Daughter Who Stills Lives At Home?

Question

I come from a different culture. So I frown on all these kids that when eighteen they go live with their boyfriends and have kids. Well my daughter turn eighteen last year. I think I was too soft for her or I was very protective to her. But I think that her friends influence her. My problem is she met this guy two months ago. She told me that he is in college(he dropped out). She told me he works at IKEA (had to quit because he works at 4:AM). Now he calls her to pick him up at his friends house to give him a right home. I think this guy is just using her. He calls her to drive him to some friends house. He still lives at home. I argue with my daughter about this. She is so defensive. How can I let her find some guys who are not losers. This girlfriend of hers is the one who introduces her to these losers. My daughter lives at home, eats what I cook, well she goes to school and work. I think the boy asks money from her too. HelP!

Answer 1

Don't start yelling or preaching, first off. Tell her that you have been thinking about her future, and you were wondering what she would like her life to be ten years from now. Ask her is she has developed any short-term goals to help her move toward what she wants. Tell your daughter that sometimes we are distracted from our goals by others that have no future plans. They are just drifting along with nothing good to look forward to. These people will never be successful in life, because they are not working toward success. These are the same people that are constantly borrowing money, rides, etc. from others that are working hard to make a good life for themselves. Let her know that you hope that she will be one of the successful ones. Tell her that you hope that she will meet a nice guy that is also working toward a good life. Then tell her that if she does, she will be able to enjoy all of the good things that life has to offer, rather than struggling to support herself and her children without any help.

Drop the subject. Then a couple of weeks later, after she has time to think about what you said, ask her if she has given any thought to what you two discussed the other day. Reinforce the idea by using examples of people or incidents that she may be familiar with, but not someone or something that she will want to defend.

Every so often say the same things in different words, but do not yell or argue with her. Believe me, you may think that she is not listening, but I can tell you from experience that children hear everything you say--they just do not acknowledge it or agree with you. You will see the results slowly but surely. It worked for both of mine.

Answer 2

Man, you can't stop her the more you restrict her the more she will rebel. Just accept that she is a grown woman now. She has to go out a meet guys and preaper herself for marriage.

However, you must still instill rules of engagement. These are restrictions on time, meetings, phone calls. A better solution is to invite the guy home for dinner and chat to him! Ask him what his intentions are. If he is serious he will say so, if not then your daughter will get the vibe and dump him without you saying anything.

You must be loving but not a doormat!

Good Luck!!
Ps.Don't be a doormat to yor kids and don't give up the fight.

Answer 3

At some point, you have to let your daughter make her own mistakes. If it gets to the point that his calling her disrupts YOUR life, then sit down and have a talk with her about the 'new' rules of the household--no rushing off in the middle of the night to play knight to his damsel in distress, as it wakes you up and causes you worry.

Other than that, you can encourage her to meet/see other people, but only she can break off this relationship. I've heard it said that at some point in every woman's life there is one bad friendship and one bad relationship to serve as a counter-example to how the good ones should go. Maybe this is that relationship for your daughter.

Answer 4

Mom, Listen OK your Daughter is gonna do waht shes wants to do regardless of what you say and you can talk till your PURPLE but this is the age and time that Teens start to explore and do stupid things, all i would do is keep reminding her of the values and what life is really about but don't overwhelm yourself because believe you me she will do it no matter what! take her to the mall, Dinner or to somewhere she likes and have a mother - Daughter Talk and let her know that yes she is a Adult now and yes she can make her own decisions but you would like for her to atleast acknowlegde you and listen when she is spoken to. please let her know that Guys or Boys are like handbags/Purses we change them according to how we dress and other purses get dropped to the side and change very often because their either the wrong type, color or needs a GOOD WASH!
you understand me, as a mother and daughter to my mother i really wish we had a better relationship and she talked to me before i made stupid mistakes in life i would have loved it and to spend time with mom at dinner or walk in the mall i would have died to have this and that is exactly what i am teaching my girls. she will probably drop everything and run with you if you make time for her once or twice a week! just hang out, walk, mall or dinner and when your in the car listen to music you both like or just bite your tongue on what she likes because if you want her more around you and nothing bad to happen just hang low and give in alittle...hope this helps God Bless and take care

Answer 5

She has to make her own mistakes. Mommy can tell you all day long that something is bad for you, but you don't believe it until you see it for yourself. Maybe instead of talking to her about him, talk to her about what she looks for in a boyfriend. Help her to analyze these qualities. After that try discussing what she likes and dislikes about this guy. Don't point out his flaws, but allow her to explore these on her own. Honestly its not much you can do because she's going to do what she wants. Just try to make sure she makes wise decisions in the relationship that won't affect her longterm and she'll probably eventually see (on her own) if he's a loser.

Answer 6

The more you say negative things about her boyfriend, the more she would want to be with him.

She has to learn from her own mistakes.

Then again, you are a mother, you want what is best for her...if only she could see through him. :)

If you really want for her to stop seeing the guy, you need to talk to her, be open with her and DO NOT preach and don't tell her what to do. If this guy is a loser, she will see it. Maybe she won't admit it to you, but she will know it in her heart.

The more you push her not to see him, the more she will want to gravitate towards him.

Answer 7

either way she will do waht she wants you can not be thier all the time obviously no parent can all you can do is hope that you and her can sit down and talk about the dream guy she want in life and mabie just mabie after that talk she will try and look for those qualitys in stead of seadling for the first thing that comes her way.

Answer 8

WELL ALL DAUGHTER ARE LIKE THAT, DONT NEVER AGREE WITH THERE PARENTS, YOU JUST HAVE TO BE THERE FOR HER AND LET HER REALIZE IT. IF SHE WANTS TO FIND OUT THE HARD WAY THEN LET HER...
THATS THE ONLY WAY KIDS WILL FIND OUT...CAUSE TRUST ME IM TALKING FROM EXPERIENCE IM ONLY 19 YEARS OLD, AND MY PARENTS WAS TELLING ME ALOT OF THINGS ABOUT MY EX BOYFRIEND NOW IS MY BABYDADDY, AND NOW IM SINGLE..AND YEA I LEARNED THE HARD WAY...BUT NOMATTER WHAT BE BY HER SIDE....

Answer 9

You are living in 21 Century you should be broad minded and let your daughter do herself. Now she can understand what is good or bad for her. Do not be so possessive Be brave.

Answer 10

Your daughter will live her life as she wishes it's that simple.