My boyfriend and I have different styles arguing: He tends to shut down and leave and I tend to want to duke things out, kiss, and make-up on the spot. When he leaves, I take it personally, like he's walking out on me and not simply an overwhelming situation.
Driving him crazy drives me crazy and I don't know how to stop. It's been a tough year and a half for my body, and he's been around for a year. I've been at odds with my immune system and bad eczema. I've been to the doctor more this year than the past...I don't know...5+ years of my life.
This has had a tremendous negative effect on my self-image. And my boyfriend tries to assure me I'm beautiful, but sometimes I still feel awful, which makes him feel bad/useless, which makes me feel worse...it's a cycle. Usually after a good night's sleep and some cool-down we're fine, but I'm so insecure nowadays I'm afraid I'm slowly making him hate me. How can I improve my self-image and not make him always feel like his words are wasted?
2007-03-14 19:44:23 · 6 answers · asked by auroratitania 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
It's not so severe that counseling is in order. I pride myself on a keen rationality, and this possibly the only place where I feel not 100% rational. However, counseling and/or drugs are unnecessary in my mind. Perhaps ideas about a pep talk to give myself or exercises involving looking at my body or an idea for helping the damage eczema has left on my body. Please and thank you!
2007-03-14 19:56:48 · update #1
My biggest moment of irrationality was thinking that people on Yahoo! could ever help me. This is by far some of the worst advice I've ever received. Some of you are abrasive, some idiotic, and some completely devoid of wisdom but sure you have something important to contribute. Peace, all. My Answers days are done. I should've known I was wasting my time when I was answering questions to gain points that would allow me to simply answer more questions.
2007-03-14 20:18:06 · update #2
FIRST, YOU MUST ALWAYS REMAIN QUIET AND LET HIM TALK..HE IS NOT GOING TO EVEN TRY TO TALK OVER YOU. JUST TAKE A DEEP BREATH AND TRY TO REMAIN CALM AND SEE HOW HE REALLY FEELS. IF YOU PROVE TO HIM THAT YOU WILL DO THIS HE WILL PROBABLY STOP RUNNING AWAY FROM THE UNCOMFORTABLE SITUATION! He OBVIOUSLY DOES NOT LIKE THE DRAMA. SO I SUGGEST IF YOU WANT THIS MAN, THAN UNDERSTAND THAT HE IS WITH YOU BECAUSE HE WANTS TO BE AND KNOW THAT THE BETTER YOU FEEL ABOUT YOURSELF THE BETTER HE WILL FEEL ABOUT YOU. IF HE DID NOT WANT YOU THEN WHEN HE WALKED OUT DURING AN ARGUMENT, HE WOULD NOT COME BACK. CHILL OUT AND STOP PUSHING HIM OUT THAT DOOR. IT IS NOT HIS JOB TO MAKE YOU FEEL BETTER ABOUT YOURSELF. YOU HAVE TO DO THAT YOURSELF. He HAS TOLD YOU THAT HE THINKS YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL SO HE MUST THINK SO, SO SMILE AND ENJOY THIS GUY, HE SOUNDS LIKE A REAL WINNER!! YOU MAY SOMEDAY PUSH HIM OUT OF YOUR LIFE..YOU ALREADY KNOW WHAT YOUR DOING WRONG SO BE MATURE ENOUGH TO CORRECT IT! YOUR ECZEMA IS PROBABLY BOTHERING YOU MORE THEN IT IS HIM..STOP WHINING AND DEAL WITH WHAT LIFE HANDS YOU. BE STRONG. IT SOUNDS LIKE YOU REALLY CARE ABOUT THIS GUY SO LET HIM CARE BACK. AND AGAIN LISTEN TO WHAT HE IS SAYING!!!
2007-03-14 20:03:13 · answer #1 · answered by sash 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
We don't work the way you do. A guy argues rationally. Hard facts are exchanged. Women argue completely irrationally, it is all about feelings and whatever other stuff she wants to drag up. It is fatiguing just trying to follow their "thought" process, so it is better to just walk away and come back when she's done ranting and it is quiter.
If you really have something important to tell him, try making a list first (use bullet points). Stick to the facts, the most important facts. Once you have that done, ask to speak with him, tell him it is important and you will be brief. He will appreciate the effort you went to to behave rationally, so will probably take the time to listen.
2007-03-15 02:50:51 · answer #2 · answered by S h ä r k G û m b ò 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You have a couple choices here. The first being that you would probably benefit from some counseling. Not necessarily drugs, but someone outside of the situation who is trained to help people figure these things out.
The second is much harder. You have to teach yourself to accept yourself the way you are. It is a baby-step process. Start believing your man when he tells you you're beautiful. Flaunt it for him. It took me a long time to realize that the love my husband has for me is what makes me beautiful to him. It doesn't matter that I'm a bit heavy or have stretch marks from having a baby.
It takes work, but you're worth it.
2007-03-15 02:53:01 · answer #3 · answered by mreheather6 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need a good therapist. If you don't get someone to talk to about this you are just going to get sicker and will drive him away.
I understand how hard it is to feel awful about yourself when you are sick, and it does play on your emotions, which makes you sicker and more prone to fights.
Get the outside help, and it will help you through the bad patches, it will also help you learn how to fight, and fight fair.
Whatever you have can't be as bad as what I experience daily, I'm now disabled and if there is someone who knows about fighting and bad self image, it's me. I would be divorced if it weren't for a great therapist.
2007-03-15 02:54:10 · answer #4 · answered by lochmessy 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Maybe you should try counseling. Just talking with someone who is trained can really help.
2007-03-15 02:50:31 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is easy if you cant be together without arguing you don't need to be together .how things are now multiply by 80 that's how it will be if you stay together .If i we're either one of you id say screw it and walk .
2007-03-15 02:55:08 · answer #6 · answered by hounddog111061 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋