I dated a girl for a year who I honestly thought was my "one". We were very close friends for a long while before we started dating, and were both very comfortable with each other during the relationship. After a year, she decided she felt I wasn't the "one" for her. Totally wrecked me.
About four months after this, as I'm still bumming, but coming out the other side of those feelings, my best friend asks me if I mind if he and the ex (Who I maintained a friendship with) go out. I love him, and I love the girl, but what an absolutely hellish situation to be put in!
I personally feel that he should have known better than to even ask, he should have presumed from the start that she was off limits. Barring that, she should have known better (remember, we stayed good friends) than to let this become a possibility. I gave him my blessing, but I've never totally gotten over his audacity in that moment. I feel I should have told him to jump off a cliff.
What would you have done?
2007-03-14 19:36:47 · 15 answers · asked by Robert 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
If you don't feel comfortable with your friend dating you ex yet, then let the friend know how you feel. If I still had feelings for my ex and was still not completely over him or had not moved on, I don't think I would give my friend the okay. It is still a delicate moment and if you don't feel comfortable with your friend dating your ex then let them know. If your friend is truly a friend then they will wait until you are completely over your ex. The friend should respect you and what you say. Good luck.
2007-03-14 19:46:04 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
personally i'd feel the same way as you did provided am still head over heels in love with her. Deciding to let her go with a bestfriend is harder than having seen her dating a stranger. However, it was right that you gave your blessings afterall no matter how much we want & love a person but if the feeling is not mutual, we don't have any right to hold them or refuse them to do what they wanna do with their own life. Hurts but its the reality. You dont own her or your bestfriend. Your bestfriend also showed his respect on your friendship by having the decency to ask blessings from you. Have'nt you heard about people who ended up married to his/her ex's brother or sister? That can be worst,ryt? So let go.. give them the freedom to find new happiness just as they would wish for you.
2007-03-15 02:53:48 · answer #2 · answered by jables 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I was dating someone, and I thought that she was the one. So I didn't worry about her not dating me anymore. She had took me on this trip and during that week she broke up with me. That had totally destroyed me.
Not even a month after she broke up with me she had tries to date my two best friends(me and my ex were still good friends). The first time I said it was ok but I was totally crushed, mad and very depressed. I should've said no but I was being too nice and I should've said that it is not okay for them to do that, but I wanted them to be happy. The good news is 8 days later my best friend said that his friendship with me is more important so he is a true best friend. He hasn't spoke to her since.
Then about 3 weeks later, me, my other best friend, and my ex are hanging out, and after she leaves and I leave my ex calls me and asked about 7 times if my best friend said anything about her. There I had gotten the hint that she liked my best friend, and I was right, but to add on to that, my best friend starts to like her.
He asks me permission to date her later down the line(didnt specify how long down the line). I said I don't know really but I guess its ok when once again, im being a stupid idiot. What I shouldve said was that its NOT ok and that why would you even think that. You are my best friend so why would you do that to me. Well now on myspace I see bulletins that my ex posts, there all about him. That had happend today. To this day they are talking and both calling me and talking so the next time they call my cell, I'm not picking up the phone I don't need this crap. I am about to cry and scream becasue I never thought that this would happen a SECOND time!!!
So who's ever reading this PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE do not make the same mistake that I did. It will only mess you up like it did me.
What would you have done or said?
2007-03-17 23:42:26 · answer #3 · answered by Paul 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You did the right thing. You and this girl are not an item, you have no right to hold her back from finding someone else. I realize it hurts, but you too have to get on with your life. Maybe being friends with her now is not the best thing for you,, you need some time to heal, and being around her isn't going to help. Your friend did want his hormones led him to do, he is just following his instincts, as is she. I'm sorry you are hurt, but in the long run you were very adult in the situation, you should be proud of yourself, not feel like heading off that cliff.
2007-03-15 02:43:52 · answer #4 · answered by lochmessy 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think it's time for you to move on. Because people always said that, 3 is a crowd. So you need to find someone else, try to find that feeling again, when you meet a special girl and in your heart you know that she's the one.
But, if you can't accept what I just told you (to give up), then you should pull yourself together and do whatever you have to do to get your girl back (even the craziest things). Because if you really think that she's the one, then one day she's going to come back and find you again. If you believe in fate and you think that the girl is the "one" then never be afraid to lose her because she's not going anywhere.
2007-03-15 02:53:49 · answer #5 · answered by Jojo 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You did the right thing and should honor your friend for having the brass cajones to ask you. If you can not let it go and grow from this situation then you really need to look in side yourself and decide what kind of man you want to be!
2007-03-15 02:45:59 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
i would've said "Watch out, she hits in her sleep." lol. i'd be fine with it...i figure, once it's over, it's over. there's no moping or even being remotely sad. when they say it's over, or i say it, immediately i'm over it. i guess i'm just strange like that, but i'd just make sure they both knew i was fine with it. you did a good think, putting aside your personal feelings for your best friend, and that's part of what being a real friend is. it's not always a good feeling, the things you do for a friend, but just remember that they'd do the same for you. finally, if you and her aren't going out anymore why is she off limits? you're not her guard anymore, she can do what she wants. and this is for everyone: EX'S ARE NOT OFF LIMITS. once you're done with us, we're FAIR GAME. just lettin' you know.
2007-03-15 02:44:16 · answer #7 · answered by Pyromaniac 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
if it has only been 4 months he shouldn't have ask, and you shouldn't have told him yes, unless you meant it. The one good thing is that he ask, so you can't fault him. If you told him the truth and he had done it anyway you would have lost a friend.
2007-03-15 02:43:15 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like these people are not really your friends. Friends should realize that you are a human being with feelings and friends should look out for you and do what they can to keep your feelings from being hurt. These people are not doing that for you.
2007-03-15 02:45:57 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
unfortunately sometimes things dont work out the way we want. but what makes you think you have the right to stand in the way of your friends happiness. they had the decency to let you know. it is obvious that you wont be getting back together so let them be happy and be happy for them. it sounds harsh but really.... think about it.
2007-03-15 02:43:09 · answer #10 · answered by banjotrinket 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋