Ive spent my life caring for everyone and everything and im a person who really loves to help,but after all the stress of this past few years and being looked upon as the family dictionary(Ive no qualifications but im supposed to have all the answers)and no different to any mom im sure,the events of the last few weeks has caught up with me and yesterday i felt like my head was exploding and i wanted to just lash out at everything and everyone.I actually said to a few of my family members"Cant you see me?Cant you hear me?Im a human being too and i just screamed to be left alone which, was met with huge resentment and quite seriously if a bus had been coming i would have thrown myself in front of it,but it wouldnt have hurt me as im invisible,not even human.I know its too much stress and have even been to see my dr to get help,but im angry,resentful and even said i was going to give back the care ive been given,which wouldnt cover a stamp.A hug would have done me,but i got the silence!!!
2007-03-14 19:06:08 · 9 answers · asked by Big momma 2 in Health ➔ Mental Health
im overwhelmed with your kindness and you dont even know me so from the bottom of my heart i thankyou.I wouldnt do anything to myself as i became a nan last september and shes the light at the end of my dark tunnel,but events over the past few weeks have been so ovewhelming and im feeling fit to burst.Thank god for places such as this as after the awful way both my parents died,my mom in my arms i had a breakdown so now people think im the weak one,i want to scream and say"Oh no im not,you do what ive had to do on my own and see where you would be"so thankyou for just your kindness.
2007-03-14 19:56:34 · update #1
Can i just say to the the person who has just said im doing this for self gratification that you have got it so very wrong,this is the first time ive ever screamed out.Im just so glad that yours isnt the only answer.I can put my hand on my heart and say in the whole of my life ive neve asked or looked for any rewards for anything ive ever done,seeing the joy and happiness and knowing in my own heart that life is about people and being the person i am i can live with,sorry if this sounds that i cant cope with a negative but i believe in honesty,your entitled to your view but feel if thats how i have come across that im looking for some self gratification i want to run away from myself now and lick my wounds
2007-03-14 20:23:24 · update #2
*hugs* be proud that you took time to care for others and now you need to care for yourself. Do something that makes you happy and live your life for you. best of luck.
2007-03-14 19:20:12 · answer #1 · answered by emily_3383 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
If you are invisible, so are 3 trillion women between the ages of 30-50. We can start a club.
The dr. probably can give you some pill to be a band aid. Meaning, it covers up the bleeding but does nothing about the cause. The cause is the disrepect and being taken for granted.
Catch 22 - the BETTER you are at being the "good mommie", the MORE they think that is all you are supposed to be. Think about it.
Man, I just wish I could give you an inkling of how COMMON this is. I started to use the word normal, but it suggests that it is ok. It isn't ok. Yes, Virginia, there is such as thing as being "too" good, because it sends the wrong message.
You have a widespread disorder... doormat syndrome.
If you have a car, get in the car, and take 5 bucks to take yourself to lunch, even if it is mcdonald's. Keep the receipt, so you can turn it in as a therapy expense. Park the car, go in and sit down. If you don't have the 5 bucks, make a p-butter/ jelly sandwich and take it to the park.
It will take a long time to turn "them" around to where they can acknowledge you as a person. But start with you, acknowledging it yourself.
2007-03-15 02:51:21 · answer #2 · answered by wendy c 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
When you do acts of kindness and offer help and care to "everyone" remember that one should do it without expecting anything in return! This is your first mistake! You mention all you see your self do for other people then you are frustrated that you are not receiving anything back. We all do acts of kindness some more some less but even the greatest act of this kind in reality we do it for some sort of self satisfaction and gratification which is just a part of having an EGO! Think about it! If you stop expecting gratification and start doing things just because you want to while making it very clear in your head that no gratification is expected...you might start feeling a lot better! You are not invisible you are just angry because somewhere your EGO has been hurt in reality and you are frustrated. DO NOT expect other people to give you a medal for your kind actions tap your self on the shoulder for a good deed and continue your life. Make sure that you also give kindness and help to your self at least once a day. Good Luck! Life is beautifully remember that.
2007-03-15 03:05:45 · answer #3 · answered by Halida K 1 · 0⤊ 1⤋
** sending you a warm hug and a kiss**
Stress can be detrimental to your health so it's time to take a note of your body and just calm down or your body will just shut itself down automatically. You just need a break away from it all. It's just when people become dependent they don't realise that it drains you and can sometimes be too much. The people you love and care for will come around - I guess you may have just exploded and they are not sure why.
TAKE A BREAK away from it all just to rejuvenate. There is nothing wrong with being helpful but there is a limit. You are not superhuman - just human after all but you may be superhuman to some people. Go out for a weekend or chill with friends or something out of the usual just to get away from it all. I wish you all the best andhope that you will be able to contain your stress so it doesn't take over. You don't need pills, just strong control and hold over your mind - don't let it go too far. Find the point and stop before your body has to stop for you. Suicide seems like a viable option when you are in such a state but life is a blessing, you should not think about throwing it away so easily. Everything will be fine if you make it so. Prayers coming your way.
*big warm hug*
2007-03-15 02:20:23 · answer #4 · answered by I want to help 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
I do understand how you feel cause i have been the care taker of my family members, plus raise a family, and at times you just feel like that is what they are think you are good for. Which is good, if you are good at it, but also you do lose yourself, and so when you are caretaking you need to learn to do things for yourself too, and take some time off, and have someone else go in and take care of who ever you are taking care of. To me right now it sounds like you could really use a nice vacation away from everything. You also need to learn to relax, and unwine at the end of the day, and let people know that you have needs , and you need them to feel those needs for you. Cause they should be telling you thank you for your help, and letting them know, that you are giveing up a part of your life to be there for them. Caregiveing is ok, but you do need to get some respect from the family for what you are doing. Also if u need a hug, tell them, and you might be suprised that they will give you that hug. It proably just caught them all off grad when you exploded the other day, but you do need to let people know your needs too, other wise you will keep feeling the way you do.
2007-03-15 04:44:51 · answer #5 · answered by Ladyofathousandfaces 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I read your question and thought I don't remember posting that because it is identical to what I went through and to some extent still go through. I am asked to do something, and so many times I wanted to say No but the word got stuck in my throat and somehow OK came out instead. And the resentments that built up was incredible, I started drinking and just fell apart. I spent many sessions in counselling just learning that I needed to put myself and nobody else first, it was a tough call for someone who has always been a carer in one way or another, I am even a nurse by profession. I married a schizophrenic last year, he is again back in jail for verbal and physical abuse against me, and I still turn myself inside out trying to get help for him. We are just nice caring people who people love to take advantage off. Not much help in the way of advice but now you know you are not alone. Take care of yourself and feel free to email me if you want someone to talk to.
2007-03-15 02:28:08 · answer #6 · answered by judles 4 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Sadly we can bring this on ourselves without even realising it, just trying to be helpful and kind, but I will never forget what the doctor said to me whilst I was trying to care for an extremely difficult reative Who cares for the carer? And when you answer that one you will know that while ever you are willing to give people are more than willing to take from you. So, what is the answer? You give yourself some care, some understanding, some compassion and love because you deserve it.
2007-03-15 06:06:44 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I've been through something similar and am just coming out of it now.
You have to make time for yourself even if your family resent it. If you want moral support of just someone to sound off to email me.
Consider yourself hugged (by me and a lot of other people on answers.)
take care OXOXOXO
2007-03-15 02:51:57 · answer #8 · answered by leekier 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm sorry to hear that, hope you feel better soon!
2007-03-15 02:17:38 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋