Is what he does when we're broken up acceptable?

Question

My boyfriend and I have been together for 3 years. We are both young, 19 and 21, and for the most part have a pretty good relationship, despite the fact I tend to break up with him often. In the last 3 years we've brolen up probably 7 times, each time it was me, and because he's too protective sometimes and doesn't let m do what I want.
When we break up it's usually for a few weeks, and we don't talk at all, usually go out and party and he tries to make me mad for breaking up with him of course!
When we break up he fools around with other girls. Sex twice, and other times kissing and stuff. When we get back he never usually admits to what the's done and when I find out it's a cause of ANOTHER breakup.
Some people tell me I deserve it because i break up with him and he's not DOING ANYTHING wrong.
I seem to think that "technically" what he's doing is okay, but "emotionally" is not because he knows we always get back! so it's like he's still cheating?

tell me what you think...

Answer 1

Since you had broken up with him he wasn't doing anything wrong.

Answer 2

I think that maybe the two of you need to be apart for a while and see how you really feel about each other. You break up with him because you want freedom to do your own thing , Even knowing the consequences from your past experience. He fools around whenever he gets the chance believing that he is without responsibility to your relationship. If he truly valued what you have together he would either wait it out respecting your relationship or be trying to talk it out so you can end the disagreement.
It sounds like what you have has become a comfortable habit and you are both looking for something more. You are young and most probably will meet many people before the right one comes along. Let him go and enjoy the freedom you both desire. good luck : )

Answer 3

I've been in this situation before and totally understand where you're coming from. I broke up with him after a very big fight, we were seperated by about 1000 miles at the time and were very young, 17 and 18. He went out with his roomate that next night, met some girl and went home with her. Then went back again a few days later. About a week after that we got back together and he didn't tell me about it until a year later, which I think made it even worse.

A relationship is only going to work if you're honest with one another. Sure you can be in one, but its never going to be what it should. He needs to understand that even when you're fighting, you still care for him. Guys are can be real dumb sometimes so you might have to spell it out for him that even when you two have broken up you expect to eventually get back together. His excuse will probably be that he doesn't think that will happen (sounds like something my guy would have said).

I myself, considered it cheating, especially when he kept the truth from me, which your guy also seems to be doing. The key here, is communication. A little bit of therapy like "I understand why you did this, but you need to understand that when you did I felt_____" Like I said, guys sometimes need it spelled out.

My advice is to sit down and have a long talk. At 19 and 21 you're young, yes, but you're old enough to identify the difference between right and wrong and what it feels like to be hurt.

I really hoped that I helped :) My guy and I eventually got through it, after a lot of tears and screaming, lol. But we've been married for 3 years now and are very happy together.

Answer 4

Well, at the start i'll tell you that you have a really good thing going with your boyfriend evident from the fact that no matter how many times you break up you get back together. Him being protective and possessive about you is a trait you'll have to learn to accept, because its not that he's bullying you, but because it shows he cares. About his seeing other girls when you brak up, it is probably just his style of catching your attention, and trying to get back with you. I don't think that he's really serious with any of the girls he'd seen while you were not together, and i doubt that he'll get into any serious relationships not while you are stll around. Cheating is maybe a harsh word to use here, because the guy was not really seeing you at this time. Casual flings do happen when a guy is "free", and i would advice you to just let them be, especially when you get back together, because he'll surely not admit to being with someone else when h's back with you. I suggest you flow with the tide, as it's evident that you are just as fond of him as he is of you. Let him be protective, that's what he likes doing, and flatter his ego. He'll be happy and so will you. keep smiling, and don't break up too often!!!!! all he best!

Answer 5

You break up and you and he both KNOW you are going to get back together again ? Why not instead of 'breaking up' you both state that you're going to take a two week rest or break ? That way there is clarity that you two are still a couple and it eliminates the 'problem' that your boyfriend thinks you are NOT a couple and thus it's " o.k. " to fool around with another.

Also. . . He is probably with others girls during your " break up " because is a sort of ' free card ' he can fall back on and mess with other experiences of girls with the excuse to you later of saying. . . " But we were broken up...what was the problem ?"
.

Answer 6

Well as you are not together anymore, he has the right to see other girls ( sorry for that ). After 7 break ups, maybe he isn't too sure that you'll end up together again. And 7 in quite a lot to handle, don't you think ? I think you should also think about what you really want because I have already broken up twice with my girlfriendn and it is really painful everytime as I feel unsecure.

Answer 7

Ok here it is. You are breaking up with him so when your broken up im sorry to say but it is ok for him to be with other girls. As much as this sucks of course. Obviously you love the boy and want to be with him so try something new for a change. Get back together and set rules. Such as you get a night off every so often to hang with the girls and he gets to go out with the boys. If he agrees to this he can no longer be controlling and if he still is then lose the guy because later on down the road you will not be happy. Second. If you dont want him to be with other women then stop breaking up with him. and if your broken up its really not called cheating btw, even if you plan to get back together. OH! and one more thing. If he really loved you and knew you would get back together he wouldn't get with anyone else because he wouldn't want to be with anyone else. So sorry to break it down, he may love you but hes not in love with you :( Ok finally heres my advice. Dont waist another day with him because hes not making you happy if you have to keep breaking up with him. Yes you have been with him for a long time but the longer you stay with him, the longer its going to take for you to get over him and find someone the right man. good luck

Answer 8

you can only push someone away so many times before they walk out the door on their own.

you break up with him; one day you aren't going to get back together and that's that. My exboyfriend made the mistake of expecting me to always run back to him. don't be stupid.

he's not doing anything wrong and you need to grow up and realize that relationships aren't a game. don't break up unless you mean it. if you guys fight or whatever, walk away -- tell him you need time to think about things and he should do the same.. then talk to him rationally at a later time.

stop being stupid.

Answer 9

You dumped him, regardless of your habits with it you have set him loose he is in the right as he has no guarantee you will get back. If you don't like it stop making him a single man. It sounds like you both would benefit from walking away from this relationship if breaking up is the answer to all your fights anyway.
-NmD!

Answer 10

if you break up with him whatever he does or you is of no concern if you dont want him to do those things then dont break up all the its ok to be mad or upset with each other and not talk then if he did something thats wrong but i feel what your saying at the end if a man is that spiteful to want to intentionally hurt u that way move on

Answer 11

Remember, you broke up with him. In fact, it doesn't matter who broke up with who. You were not a couple at the time, so yeah, anything he does is acceptable because you have essentially removed yourself from his life. He doesn't need your permission to do anything. But you need to decide what you want. Quit doing that on and off thing. He'll eventually get sick of it and leave you for good.