my last question about this everyone misunderstood?

Question

I just asked this question a week or so ago but eveyone must have misunderstood me, I do apologize maybe i was not clear, here it is again, I asked for help with my 9 year old son talking like an adult, well my problem is not with him talking like he is older, my problem is with him acting like an actual adult, what i mean is that he thinks he can do whatever it is that he wants, make up his own rules and even discipline his younger brother and younger cousins, dont get me wrong, he is a very smart kid, he is one on the top kids in his class, he does not think he is better than any other kid and no he does not cuss, he just "acts alot older than what i think he should" i know that kids will always pick up on things their parents do and say, but i dont really know if i am sending the wrong messages to my son. I dont talk about bad things in front of him or anything like that, and he has other kids to interact with so what am i doing wrong, do you have any advice?

Answer 1

Personally, this should only be a concern if this adult like behavior is causing him a problem in regards to peer relations and authority figures. Many only or older children have this problem. Many only/ excessively older children behave this way because most of their interactions are with adults. Also in families that there is a single parent/ only child or older child, the problem could even be worse due to the fact both individuals rely heavily on each other for most of their interactions. In that situation, sometimes only children/ or older children take on adult like roles because other adults are not available for the single parent to interact with.

Back to changing the behavior. If this behavior isnt causing him a problem with his peers or authority, dont worry about it. However, if him talking like an adult is causing boundry problems meaning he thinks he's truely the parent and is an equal to you and other adults, you need to do something about that. If thats the case, you need to set boundries with him. Let him know quick, fast and in a hurry that you are the boss and he is the child. If you are not good at "putting your foot down" with him, you need to learn. He basically hasnt learned his proper place in the family and that is more the parents fault than it is the child's.

With that said, if you expect him to be a child, treat him like one at all times. For example, dont talk to him about your problems. Have interactions with other adults in regards to getting your needs met. Consequence him when he corrects his brother and cousins. Let him know that is your job and not his. Punish him for not being in his role. Personally, I look at your son correcting his brother as an insult to you especially if he is doing it in an adult like way. He's doing your job. Be consistent with what you expect of him. If you rely on him to act like an adult sometimes, this could be part of the problem. If you are doing this, you are giving him mixed messages. (By the way I'm not saying you are not doing all of these things already... just some thoughts)

Lastly, get him active with kids his own age if he isnt already.

Answer 2

First of all, I don't think this is a terrible "problem" that must be fixed. Everybody is different. Doesn't mean you're doing something wrong.

Some suggestions. Maybe sign him up for some "fun kids" activities where he can not only interact, but have fun and act goofy with other kids. Instead of picking something that kids are supposed to enjoy, find something along the line of what he really enjoys.

Good luck. I still think it's not a that bad of a problem. The opposite extreme would be much worse.

BTW, I don't have a 9 year old, but I think I was like that when I was young. For me, I think it was the pressure to achieve that made me take everything too seriously. What ever the reason, I turned out okay, I think:-)

Answer 3

It sounds like he's just very precocious. Many very intelligent kids are like that so there may not be too much you can do to change it. He's smart so have a talk with him and tell he doesn't need to try and help you discipline other kids because you can handle it and the other kids may resent it. I'm sure he'll get the idea and that may be the way to approach other things too. Talk to him and tell him where the line is. If he thinks about it he won't want to have others resenting him and I bet he'll back off in those areas. Since he feels and acts more mature approach him that way and have a quiet talk. I think he'll respond to an adult conversation. It let's him know you realize he is a bit more mature but there's no need for him to take on adult responsibility.

Answer 4

Some kids are like this, I have worked with more than a couple of them. Unfortunately they can quickly become arrogant and egocentric since they get the feeling that they know best. Inform him that he as overstepped his bounds and he will be corrected for it. If he disciplines his brother or cousins, discipline him, etc.

You are not wrong, you've obviously raised an intelligent son who can problem solve, communicate and take charge. Good for you! I completely understand that you want the progress to slow down, I would too.

Also try getting him involved in some extra curricular activities outside what he already does. This can give him an opportunity to be a child again. A group or team event would be ideal.

Honestly, any sport with a coach who says "there is no I in team" would be a good start.

A number of the children I have seen like this, in my personal opinion, have developed this behaviour because they feel one or both parents needs a break. Not that you're not a good parent, but that you might not take enough time for yourself in your son's eyes.

For example, my best-friend's little girl 2 weeks before her 7th birthday said to me "I know I'm not suppose to ask people for money, but I need money for my birthday. I really want my mom to have a new pair of jeans and go for a day with the girls. She always takes care of us and I see my friend way more than she sees her friends." This is a very adult thing to say and want for a 7th birthday. The observation was true, but not all children will react to that or see that.

Your son could see a similar thing in your life and feel that being another adult will make your life easier. Let him know also, that the best gift in the world that he could give you, is to be a child and worry about being an adult in about 10 years.

Good Luck.

Answer 5

i think the problem may be that he has no other kids to interact with. does he have any friends from school?try inviting kids over and letting him see how other kids interact! maybe he doesn't know how to be a kid!children not only pick things up from us but they learn what they live and it reflects their whole outlook on their life from the time they are babies into adult life! let him know that you are the boss and that he has to do what you say!definately don't back down! give him consequences!

Answer 6

I'm thinkin he is a first born or there is a sizable gap in ages between him and an older one.

I think it may be a firstborn/personality thing.

suggestions....
-if he's wanting more info then you think is nessarry, kindly and firmly set boundries

-when he is disaplaining his brother , making his own rules etc. remind him that you are the parent. Again firmly and lovingly

-sometimes you may need to remind yourself that he's only 9 :)

- you need to cont to teach by example and discuss situations. Show him the ropes of makeing wise descions and the consiquences of poor ones

He's probably a strong personality and that can be a wonderful thing .

Answer 7

Ok. Well he is indeed trying to act older because he wants to be an adult and grow up and act heaps grown up. My brother does that too. He is copying what you do.
Tell him there is no reason to act older than you are. As he grows older then yes, it is ok to act older.
You are not doing anything wrong because you are an adult and you have to act like an adult.
It is him that is causing it. As I said he is copying you because he wants to be older sooner and act like an adult.

Answer 8

you should see who hes hanging around with

Answer 9

your still not clear