Protecting you children from grandparents that undermine you?

Question

ok, this is my last question on this, lol. I am getting some great answers. One more:)

I am having a hard time wrapping my mind around protecting my kids from my mom. Instinctively I KNOW to do this.. but my mind asks 'protect from what?' I am so used to her telling me what to think of her (how great she is etc.) that I have a hard time 'really seeing her in the light of reality'.

So when you protect your children from people that undermine you as a parent, as a person, undermine you life, decisions , etc... when you distance your kids from these people.. what compents are you protecting them from?

Answer 1

When it comes right down to it even when we know what we are doing is right it is not always easy. I have almost no contact with my parents because my Mother is ... well, just awful to me and always has been. I tried for years to have a relationship with my parents for my girls. It wasn't good, it didn't work and now they don't like my Mother any more than I do because she did treat them they way she treated me. And they saw what she did to me...I didn't have to say or do anything. (Kids are not stupid and blind!)

I would love to have a normal, loving big extended family. But that just isn't in the cards for us, at least not at this point. And trust me, we have tried over and over again. You can only get kicked in the teeth so many times before you just have to say "Enough". In the long run, you have to look out for your kids...and their hearts. Why put them through the hell our Mother's put us through? They don't deserve it (neither did we).

You can't choose the family you were born into. But you can choose who you have in your life once you become an adult. My girls have lots of people in their lives that love them and are there for them no matter what....they are our family in our hearts and that's more important than bloodlines. Good luck and best wishes...

Answer 2

I have somewhat of the same problem. My mom isn't a healthy person to be around...she verbally, emotionally, mentally, and sometimes physically abused me as a kid and teen. I REFUSE to allow her to be alone with my kids. I hate that she makes me do that, it's a very sad thing, but I do it for the protection of my children. The ONLY reason we occasionally still see my mom is so that she will stop stalking me and making up lies about me and also, mostly, so that my Pops can see my kids. He's a good guy and shouldn't be punished because of the way my mom acts. I could tell horror stories about what she's done and said...even in front of them!

So that's what I'm protecting MY children from...a woman who is unstable in many aspects of her own life.

Answer 3

for your own reasons thats all that matters you are a mother and when YOU feel that YOU should do something in the benifit for YOUR chilrden that alone should be enuf. now i know for a fact that you do not want your kids to see or hear you get put down in any way exspecialty by a grand parent. they are your children and you need to come to terms with that you do not need any put downs just helpful advice when asked of some one. YOU choose YOU a thier mother not thier grand parents.

Answer 4

grandparents do not neccessarily undermine.
Its all in the eyes of the beholder. Its not a competition. grandparents are part of your family, look at them with love, and respect and consider THEY DO have something to contribute, and also look on them as also learning to have little ones again and get off their tails,; little Bobby isnt going to be damaged for life, and grandparents have a right to lay down THEIR own ground rules for THEIR home, and children learn to respect this, its life! Every where we go, there are things we may not be able to do there, which we could do at home and etc. Grandparents often are alone, and crave to share their love with little ones and learn to get to know them. compare those times when YOU may not be altogether perfect.....and give and take a little. Besides its fun to see how they did things for their little ones, because one day, they won't be there, and you may well find yourself in the position, of also being misunderstood and harshly condemned, and miss out on all the love, laughter and fun that children and families bring into relationships.