I had my fiance sit down with his parents to see if they were willing to pay for any of the wedding. They have a lot of money, WAY more than my family could think about, yet they are strictly about tradition. They only think they need to pay for the rehearsal dinner. His mom got really mad and said maybe she would put forth $5,000...but she wanted a list of the prices of things before she put any money towards anything. She wasn't happy about the idea of paying for anything. She said she would help pay, but she didn't want to since it's the brides families job. The problem is, all she wants to talk about is wedding plans and how she wants really nice things for the wedding. She denied my idea of plastic plates for the wedding and said we HAVE to rent. She also hated the idea of pasta for the reception. I'm just mad...sad...stressed...and looking for any help or advice.
Thanks for reading, I know it's long.
:)
2007-03-14 17:50:07 · 13 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
Honey.....this is YOUR wedding, YOUR special day.....do whatever makes you happy. Do not let anybody tell you what YOU want or need for YOUR wedding. If you let your future mother-in-law get her way about YOUR wedding you will resent her forever. I hate it when other people ty to poke their nose in somebody elses business. If you want plastic plates, then by god have plastic plates. If you like pasta....well it is YOUR wedding.....I say go with the pasta. I know what I would do.....I would tell her to keep her damn money and her ideas for MY wedding, and I would elope to Las Vegas, and tell her to put that in her uppity pipe and smoke it. Do it YOUR way or you will still be fighting about this for years to come. Take a stand...tell her it is YOUR wedding and you will have whatever your little heart's desire. I say go with the pasta on the plastic plates. I don't understand why people want to spend so much money on one day anyway...when that money could be better used to start your new life together. A good marriage is more important than a fancy wedding anyway. I can't see spending all that money just for show when you need so much more as a new couple starting a new life together. But my advice to you is.....do whatever makes you HAPPY....and don't let anyone talk you out of it. Good Luck!
2007-03-14 18:07:29 · answer #1 · answered by dineyb68 2 · 3⤊ 0⤋
My fiance and I ran into the same thing. My advice is to keep it really small. It is traditional for the groom's family to pay for the rehearsal dinner, so see if the would put that towards the wedding instead. If not, I would invite a bunch of people to the rehearsal to milk them for as much as you can : ) Luckily, his family started being a lot more reasonable the closer we got to the date, and now things are pretty much figured out. You could also suggest each set of parents pays 1/3 of the grand total, and say that you will pick up the last 1/3. If everyone really makes you miserable, just do a destination wedding and then whoever wants to pay will come and whoever doesn't won't. Good Luck!
2007-03-15 00:59:31 · answer #2 · answered by MDJ 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Question for you.... Do you and your fiancee live together right now, or do you both live with your parents still? Traditionally, the grooms family pays for the rehearsal dinner, and alcohol at the reception. If you two are living together, then you really should be paying for the majority of the wedding yourselves nowadays. Believe me, if you do alittle hard work, depending on the number of guests, you can pull off a wedding/reception for $5000.00. If the future mother in law is saying no to cost saving things like the menu or plate settings, do what she has requested, and make up a price list of everything she is demanding, and do one with what you and your family can afford, if she really wants these pricey things, then she will have the $ amounts right in front of her. Good luck.
2007-03-17 23:48:14 · answer #3 · answered by Lynny K 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My very first suggestion is this: Do everything in your power to get a good wedding planner.... The reason? They play arbitrator as well as keep you in YOUR budget. They also make your day come off without a hitch without you running around crazy on the day of the wedding. The benefits? A good planner should be able to save you near the cost (if not more than the cost) of their fees, which essentially gives you all the extra help and an arbitrator for next to nothing or even FREE! Now, in all fairness I admit my view is biased as I am a wedding planner, but I know how many battles I have fought for my brides and I know how much they appreciated that they didnt have to start World War III with the inlaws just to stay within their own budget... At least look into it and see how you feel. Be sure you read all contracts THOROUGHLY before signing (this goes for all service providers, not just the wedding planners you may interview).
That aside.... Your mother in law is a little off on what is traditionally paid for by the groom's family. (If you want a fully detailed list email me or look at my best answers). In today's day and age though, many couples are paying for their own weddings and having smaller weddings than used to be the norm. DO NOT under ANY circumstances let her dictate your wedding, if you do you will end up with her thinking that she can dictate your life with her son as well. This doesnt mean be disrespectful or anything even close to that, what this means is when she says you HAVE to do something, tell her "We are unable to do that as you want, due to budget constraints" and leave it at that. She doesnt need to know if it is because you are forced to or whether you chose a certain budget and are sticking to it... it just isnt her business.
I further suggest that you do not accept ANY funding from her as it will probably come with strings attached (and gives her at least a small say in plans) and you dont need that stress surrounding the wedding.
If you need further help or just a friendly ear, feel free to email me.
2007-03-15 05:12:27 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Sorry your future mother in law is not being very helpful or considerate of your feelings. She must have forgotten that she was a bride once too. You have enough to worry about without her setting high expectations with no thought to the cost, but then denying help with the cost. That makes no sense.
They make pretty scrolled and decorated clear plastic plate that I have seen at many a wedding reception. I don't think less of the happy couple if they didn't shell out a fortune for rented dishes! They could serve anything from pasta to pretzels dipped in white chocolate, and it would make no difference to me. I didn't go to get a 5 course meal or a gourmet dessert. I go to wish the newlyweds well, and to offer my congratulations. More people are like me than are like your mother in law. She is the weird one. Take a deep breath, and do what you want to do!
2007-03-15 01:01:20 · answer #5 · answered by Sweet n Sour 7 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Tell her you can't afford anything else, but truly plastic plates are tacky, thought my brother had to do it that way too. I thought it was the norm these days for the cost to be split 50/50. If your parents can only afford to give you so much, then ask them to match it. That's what happened at my brother's wedding. My sister inlaws parents don't have money and couldn't give very much, my parents simply matched what they could give because otherwise it's not fair. My fiance's parents match my parents and so both sides are willing and able to give more for our wedding. It terribly rude to ask one side to give more than the other just because they happened to have more financial sucess for whatever reason. I also think you should have a little talking to with your mother in law about the tradition of the bride's side paying and how it reflects a time when wives were a burden and just a means to reproduce.
2007-03-15 01:44:53 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 2⤋
You tell her that since YOU are paying, the wedding will be arranged according to what YOU can afford.
That would be plastic plates, and a meal of pasta, green salad, bread and wedding cake. DON'T allow her to dictate the kind of wedding it will be. It would be a mistake to take her money, I am sure. She would then make it all about her ideas. Woud not be YOUR wedding any more, but HER party.
2007-03-15 01:23:41 · answer #7 · answered by kiwi 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Why don't you and your fiance offer to pay for your own rehersal dinner, do a bbq or something simple, then ask her instead to cover catering costs? Or instead of giving her prices, give her a list of things that need to be paid for, tell her her to pick out three things as her gift to you, that she can just make her own decisions on. You may loose a little control, but if she decides on the photographer and pays for it.... it can't be that bad.
By the way, my husband and I threw a beautiful wedding for 4500, that's it. People don't remember the food, they remember if you cried, and if you danced with your dad. Things like that. And not to put down tradition, but we are adults, why don't you have a very simple affair let your parents and in laws off the hook and pay for it yourself?
2007-03-15 01:01:44 · answer #8 · answered by zeebarista 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If she is interested in wedding plans, continue to share with her. If she does not like what you have planned, simply state this is all that you can afford. Don't act like you are fishing for money; just state the simple and true facts.
In addition, your future mother-in-law believes it's your families responsibility. Whatever you do, don't let her believe that that your parent's inability to afford the wedding is negative or bad. It seems like she is an inconsiderate person and not b/c she isn't helping with the expenses, but because she doesn't understand your situation.
2007-03-15 00:59:20 · answer #9 · answered by Answer Girl 2007 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I have the same delema with my fiances side and they aren't paying for anything and my parents cant afford anything so all the wedding is on my shoulders and his as well mostly mine. Thank God for my brothers that gave me the photography, cake and the toast my brothers offered to pay for that so i have that major stress off. But I am going with pastic forks and dissposible plates and Its my wedding no one elses but mine and my fiance. So I tell you Why do they have to butt themselves in anything related to your wedding. I say forget telling them anything and make do with what you can and do tell them anything about the wedding. Let them see what YOU planned the day of. Dont stress out over them I wouldn't Good Luck to you and all you decide.
2007-03-15 01:01:09 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋