My mom doesn't support my life. She make me feel really bad about myself and undermines me as a person and parent. It doesn't always appear this way on the surface, but her negative opinions of me and how I raise my kids run very deep, even though she don't always show it, and her views rub off on my kids. I used to try to communicate and work it out with her, but have given up as she believes that she is right and I am wrong (in life and parenting). Their is no room for us both to be right and my kids pick up on her views. (My kids are a baby and 7)
Am I wrong for keeping their relationship distant?
2007-03-14 17:15:12 · 11 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
I meant that SHE leaves no room for us both to be right...
2007-03-14 17:15:49 · update #1
it seems to me that your mother is trying to give u advice but in a way that sends your defenses up. how about a reminds me of the time story? my son was about 3 months old and my mom was letting him suck on a piece of bbq meat. i was horrified. all kinds of thoughts slammed through my mind not to mention the 2 basic ones. what would happen if a piece fell off in his mouth and he choked? how can his digestive system at such a young age deal with the spices in the sauce? i just looked at her and told her don't do that. she said how long have i been a mom (27 years) and how long have u been a mom (3 months). my reply was yes but now u r the grandma and i'm the mom and i'll raise my child the way i see fit. i will take any advice into consideration but i was taught by the best. that was the last time she tried to override me. good luck to u. i wouldn't keep my children from their grandparent because grandparents have special bonds with grandchildren and your mom won't always be there. i lost my mom 5 years ago and to this day i could still use her advice.
2007-03-14 18:38:06 · answer #1 · answered by a very happily married woman 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Never allow them to be alone with her. If you can't be there because you dislike her so much have another relative whom you trust to stick up for you be present. That way there is someone there to tell your kids the truth as you see it and not let her rub off on them. However unless she is really harming them let them see her. My mom kept me from my Grandfather for 16 years and I resented her for it and went to see him on my own as soon as I could drive but the relationship between us will never be what it could have been even though it's been 11yrs since we met.
2007-03-15 00:53:58 · answer #2 · answered by teresacmt 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
tell, don't ask, your mother that if she wants to see the children she must not talk about you in any way. that if she undermines you in any way all bets are off. you will only allow her to see the children when you are present and if she undermines you in any way she has to leave.
just keep in mind that the kids really need a grandparent. it is not just about you and your feelings.
weigh things, think about it, then talk to her. be specific about how you feel and about what she is saying to your kids.
2007-03-15 00:26:03 · answer #3 · answered by KRIS 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I believe you are right in protecting your children. It is your life and you are the parent! You need to do what is best for you and your family! Good luck hon, I know that moms can be a pain in the you know what!
2007-03-15 00:19:11 · answer #4 · answered by Deja28 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Its kinda hard to answer this question simply because you don't give much detail on your differences.
Are you a single parent who brings home different lovers frequently?
Are you boozing it up in front of your kids. or doing drugs.
Do you dress trampy?
Yes, LITTLE kids do notice these things, even tho they might not understand.
You said, you "used to try and communicate" with you mother.
Maybe you should try again.
If you kids enjoy being with Grandma then its gonna be hard to keep them from her.
You could ask her to not to say dissrespectfull things about you when they are with her.
(In otherwords she should keep her opinons to her self, when shes around them).
2007-03-15 00:49:17 · answer #5 · answered by iwish40 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to set your boundries with her. If it is in person so be it, or if by email, so be it. Set them and when she crosses one - put her on notice - second offense, tell her you are hanging up or simply tell her that you will no longer allow her to belittle you. She'll get it sooner or later, but you need to stick to your rules, no if's and's or buts. All she is doing is pushing you away ... how sad that she feels her actions and comments are helping. Good luck to you. Be strong!
Don't take the abuse!
2007-03-15 00:24:31 · answer #6 · answered by daffodil 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sometimes the best way to "HONOR YOUR PARENTS" is to put distance between you. At least that's what my shrink has manage to pound into my head. They are your children, your responsibility and so long as you are not putting them in harms way you should be able to raise them as you see fit.
2007-03-15 00:22:54 · answer #7 · answered by sharpeilvr 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
what is it in your life she doesnt support? any certain aspect or just everything in general? either way just tell her if she wont respect you for who you are and the way you want to raise your children; your sorry but she cant be around to negatively influence their lives. until she decides to respect you and your wishes don't allow her back.
2007-03-15 00:20:32 · answer #8 · answered by the_syco_t 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i think that both of u have ur views but i think u need to break away from ur mom if she thinks that she still has to domminat u like a child and control anything that u posses
2007-03-15 00:21:04 · answer #9 · answered by hot italian 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you are living a immoral life she has a right not to support you.
2007-03-15 01:16:39 · answer #10 · answered by RNDiva 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋