I used to think baby you loved me, but now I'm sure. And I just can't wait till I come knock on you door.
Baby I gotta have you, I need you so bad! Can't you see I 'm lost without your hand? I can't stand when we are apart, thats why you are held so deep in my heart.
2007-03-14 16:52:13 · 14 answers · asked by electra 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
kinder, as in garten
2007-03-14 16:56:13 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
...to give you the grade level would be rude because Im sure you arent as young as I'd give it. But it's not BAD, it just lacks depth eloquence, and sophistication found in 'higher grade level' poetry, that doesn't mean that it will be more or less liked, I don't really like any poetry, it just isn't very articulate. Love is alot more than that... and it has no rythym.
2007-03-14 23:56:40 · answer #2 · answered by Jenny A 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
it doesnt sound like a poem to me honestly speaking i think ive heard this one in a dozen rnb love songs, and its not that original, and its quite empty really, " its cliche" ,, i do advice that when you do write a poem, write the truth and be natural and original, dont try copying another idea.cause then you will never get to find out what is the real emotion happening inside your soul
2007-03-14 23:56:43 · answer #3 · answered by haringmarumo 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sorry, but it's pretty bad.
I'd say about 6th grade for me, but some 8th graders write like that.
I know you can do better.
Good luck.
2007-03-15 00:00:49 · answer #4 · answered by blueruble 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
sounds 8/9th gradish/immature/desperate
doesn't flow
use metaphors...it's a little blunt
lacks originality
needs more content
no rhythm--stanzas don't work together
too short
grammar--i know some poems bend rules, but some of that just sounds tacky
2007-03-14 23:58:01 · answer #5 · answered by lizzyhappy2007 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like a 5th grader trying to rap. I'd change everything
2007-03-14 23:56:44 · answer #6 · answered by Beautiful Opportunity 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
The love part sounds like 8th grader.
The actual poetry component is 7th.
It's not that original.
2007-03-14 23:56:20 · answer #7 · answered by Zasm 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's okay. "you" should be "your". Also you might want to think about making it more abstract, that way it sounds less like a 90's easy listening song.
I say 7th grade.
2007-03-14 23:56:50 · answer #8 · answered by Jack S 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Its ok,but it dont really have a steady rhythm.Poems sound better when each rhyming line has the same number of syllables.
2007-03-14 23:55:55 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, it's plagiarism for one. I think that you may have inadvertently picked up a line or two from "Walking on Sunshine".
2007-03-14 23:56:13 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
9th and this part -Can't you see I 'm lost without your hand? i'd change it to Can't you see I 'm lost without your love.
2007-03-15 00:01:21 · answer #11 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋