How you can tell if someone is starting to "stalk" you?

Question

I met a man at the pool about 2 weeks ago. We exchanged small chit chat and thought nothing of it until the next day when he was at the pool again. This time, he said some things that just made me feel uncomfortable but not scared or threatened. I left it at that....about a few days later, he was there again. This time I expressed "politely" I didn't want to speak to him and to leave me alone. He seem to be okay and didn't bother me further. A few days later, he magically appeared to be at the beach. This time, he took it too far.....he started to play with my children in the water....I immediately grabbed my children and told them not to talk to him. He came over to where we were sitting and began to apologize and speaking. I told him again to leave my kids alone and me. Within the last week, he was been everywhere I turn. I felt he had been walking by my home. I spotted him twice just this week.

Answer 1

You've made a good case for him being a stalker. So far I think you have handled it well.
With children I am assuming that you are married. Have you told your husband about this nut?
If I was your husband, I would make myself available as much as I could for the next little while, & if the dude came sculking around again, I'd get in his face real fast & let him know what is what.
Failing that you have several options. Report him to the police for one. Keep a camera handy & the next time he gets close enough take a good pic of his face, & turn the picture over to the cops.
That can go a long way to identifying him & then you can consider a restraining order.

Keep a diary handy & keep a written record of each time you see him around. Take notes of when, where & the circumstances & anything that he may have said if you have a conversation with him.
This will go a long way toward making a case against him if the matter needs to go before the courts.

I may be jumping ahead here, he really hasn't done anything particularly dangerous yet, but he does sound creepy.
I wouldn't get too alarmed until you start to find unsolicited gifts at your door.
True stalkers will escalate their ovations toward their victim.
It starts out innocent enough, grows into outward statements of affection, & then after they get frustrated from too many rejections they can get dangerous.

I find his attempt to get at you through your children particularly alarming. Laws against stalkers are being put into place all over North America, so don't hesitate to take your situation to the local police. It's a common falacy that stalkers are only the territory of celebrities.
Stalking cases that start out like yours are rare, but it has happened before, so take it seriously.
I hope this guy is easily discouraged.

Answer 2

The very next time this guy approaches either you or your children firmly let him know if he doesn't stay away from you that you are going to notify the police. Say what you mean and mean what you say!! This guy seems dangerous to me so please don't take any chances and let those closest to you know what is going on. Also, maybe some of them can help alleviate this problem, especially your male relatives and friends. People like this man are usually very cowardly and they will back off when they see you have some strong and very visible males in your life.

Answer 3

I wouldn't read too much into this unless he threatens or frightens you in any way. If ya'll live in the same community, chance meetings are bound to happen, without intention from him-or you. If he's spotted outside your window, leaves notes, messages or flowers for you, starts coming to your workplace, THEN is when you should worry. After all, you frequent the local pool and beach, why shouldn't he?

Answer 4

Be careful. No means no. Pay close attention to where ever you go. If this guy is stalking you he will be there, just not in view site. You could be in the mall and he may be 15 people behind you. Of course you would never notice it. Same thing when it comes to driving, make sure you pay attention to cars behind you. If its the same car following you for a good while turn down a road that you are comfortable with (and that you know) and see if they follow... if you turn around to get back on to the main road in which you orginally where on and they follow call the cops.

I had a guy stalking me to the point the cops had to be called. He would sit outside my house, leave notes on my car, in my mail box, sit out and wait for me after work, call my house demanding to know where i was... the creepy thing is I didnt think too much of it til my sister said something to me. She is a cop and deals with situations like this. Here my friend noticed that whenever we were together, whether it was the mall, school, resturant, anywhere... this guy would be so many people behind me. My friend didnt want to scare me so he never said anything to me until my sister said something to me on graduation night. The "stalker" was talking to my sister but looking at me. She said that was one sign... and then she asked if I ever noticed him everywhere I went. I said no and my friend is like no, yeah he is...you just dont see it. I told him I didnt want to speak to him and tried to avoid him and thats when it got worse... it was to a point he would threaten to kill himself.

So please be careful. Espically if you have young ones with you. Good luck!

Answer 5

Keep a diary. He could just be lonely, but walking past your house is kind of wierd. Put in your diary, date, time etc. that you see him and where...there may be a pattern and you can see it. If it gets worse, go to the police and tell them what's going on....unfortunately there isn't much they can/will do until it gets pretty scary. I had a stalker, and he was really hard to get rid of...I thought I would have to move. I can tell you what I did to get rid of the guy, but you would have to email. If you keep a diary, you will be able to see what is really up, keep away from his favorite spots, and also have evidence of phone calls, emails etc...if it goes that far, and they will have to believe you. Good luck. I got a concealed carry permit, and a shotgun....not for everyone, but it worked for me.

Answer 6

wow! that is scary!!! if that happend to me i would be scared, well what I would do is call the police and tell them that there is a man always following you and talking to your children when you told him to stop already.. Im sure that they will at least give him a warning, and if he does no tlisten to that, just keep on telling the police and then they will do something more about it. oh yeah, just for safety if you know what I mean, make sure you double check your locks on your door in front of your house, just to be safe.

Answer 7

Unless you live in a very small town, this sounds like stalking. If he keps bothering you, notify your local police department.

Answer 8

He is officially a stalker.

I'd be very careful as this is only going to escalate.
Have you told your husband/partner that this is going on?

Answer 9

yes.. very much stalker alert. contact the local authourities but you need proof.(maybe) so take pictures and show them to the police

Answer 10

I don't think he's "starting" to stalk you, I think he is... you should call the police or something, he sounds like a psycho.