My mom kept my sis and i away from him since I was like 5. Im 19 now and I finally spoke to him again and my sis and I went to visit him in florida. I remember him beating my mom, cheating on her, he degraded her so badly and abused her. When I saw him again he seemed so normal, so loving and like a totally new person. Then a few months went by and he stopped calling me and my sister. Come to find out, he threatened my step mom, and is doing all these horrible things. like he used to do to my mom. I just want a dad who is a good person. I know he loves me but not enuf to stop hurting the people I care about. Are some people just not meant to have a dad? God its like I wanna adopt one, at least that way I know what its like to have one, but I cant do that. Its not real, I only have one and only father and I cant trade him in.
2007-03-14 15:46:03 · 13 answers · asked by jkeys00 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
Its not that children aren't meant to have a dad, its just that some people are not meant to be parents. Children happen whether you want them to or not. Some people aren't ready for it & no matter how hard they try they just can't be good parents.
I know it hurts, but you should just get on with your life without him if he causes you so much pain.
2007-03-14 16:16:53 · answer #1 · answered by Michelle *The Truth Hurts 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Well, you can adopt me. I, like your Dad, blew it. Abuse not always involves hitting and cheating. Sometimes it can simply be neglect. Being too busy to stop and appreciate who and what are really important in life. I once found a psychology report my daughter had done when she was in school. In this homework assignment she was asked to state that which bothers her most about her Dad. And she put down that her Dad never had enough time for her. It also asked about how she responded to the problem. And she said she was really jealous of my giving any attention to anyone else, especially a non-family member, when I did not have enough time for her. And where it asked what she would do to change the situation she entered that she would have it so I would notice her and spend more time with her. As I write this I am barely able to hold back the tears. Because now my childrend are grown and live in other states and they do not have time for me. There are a lot of ways to be mean. Mine was as bad as your Dads in terms of causing hurt to my kids and grandkids.
So, what should you do. I suggest you sit down and write to your Dad and tell him what you just told us. If he has any heart at all I think you may be able to reach him and help him to understand what he has done to you in the past and what he is doing to you now.
I hope you are successful.
2007-03-14 23:20:38 · answer #2 · answered by Tom 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sometimes things just dont work out, sometimes people get involved in drugs and there whole lives change they becom e a different person im sure your mom was trying to protect you from being hurt by him, im sorry about all this, like i have sorta the same thing not with my dad but with my mom, when they locked me up when i was 14 they told me i was only ganna be there for 8 months, when i got out i was there for 45 months strait, and my mom said she didnt want me to come home ever to see her, mostly because of my stepdad hated me, now she is getting a divorce with him, and shes all trying to be nice and bring up things like remember when he threw the tv at you that was bad, or remember when he beat you down becuase u fought with your brother, i mean i've seen peoples lives change because of meth, because of alcohol, they just become people who you shouldnt be around because of the violence, as far as not having a dad i think you should have a dad, if you look hard enough i bet you already have a father figure in your life right now, you should embrace that, because just because he didnt give birth to you, dont mean he loves you like a daughter, love him like a father if there is someone like that, good luck babe,, thats my advice for ya
2007-03-15 16:09:11 · answer #3 · answered by Will 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well, he is your only genetic father. Maybe he was just doing that to make you feel better that he "has changed". If I had a dad that did this then I wouldn't even CONSIDER them as my father. I would be like, "I have never met this man in my life!" LOL. Anyway, everything happens for a reason.
2007-03-14 23:29:50 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Is there another secret your mother did not tell you like could he have molested you. He fits the profile. It happened to my kids mother. After running for 2 years, her mother finally had him put in jail. I beleive many more children are molested than said. Knowing that could ruin a life. Its good you have a good mom to protect you. Many mothers keep their mouth shut and act like nothing is happening. Just try and be happy with mom.
2007-03-14 23:00:13 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
i dont have a dad either. its not that ur not meant to have a dad some dads should never of had kids.
try and be supportive to ur step mum. and in my experince guys like this dont change.
adopting a dad isnt real but some step dads a alot better. plus would u prefer to have this horrible mean negative person in ur life and be miserable or be happy and not have to know him.
2007-03-14 22:53:29 · answer #6 · answered by mrs nevz 3 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Some people need help to change and that is hard to do with a person who is set in their ways. Try getting help for him. Suggest family counseling
2007-03-14 22:57:24 · answer #7 · answered by Meredith 2 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Well keep your head up. And no it is the other way around some people are not meant to be Dad = )
2007-03-14 22:50:28 · answer #8 · answered by Shiryiana 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
oh honey i am sorry for your fathers problems.the thing to remember is he might love you and you have every right to love him but don't confuse loving him with respecting him there is no law that says you have to respect his actions you just need to try to not let him drag you down we all don't have perfect parents and by the sound of it your mom did a wonderful job raising you so love her twice as much.
2007-03-14 22:54:05 · answer #9 · answered by patbgone 3 · 3⤊ 0⤋
we have to accept the people in our lives no matter what or who they become sometimes, i know how it is to feel so lost and torn apart by your dad,how it feels to hate him with every ounce of blood in your body, but at the end of the day,he's still your dad.
2007-03-15 01:46:52 · answer #10 · answered by naenae 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋