I need to know with whom to walk down the aisle. My parents are traditionalists, ie father walks me down.?

Question

The problem is that my father sexually abused me while I was growing up. Although the issue has finally been addressed, ie counseling, etc, obviously it is not something that is ever forgotten. While it would be nice to have an ideal relationship with my dad, this is not the case, but I know my mom would love to have him and/ or her walk me down the aisle. My husband recently immigrated here, so we were required by the law to marry within 90 days of his arrival. Thus, the fact that we are already married, added to my feminist-leaning ideals as well as the actions of my dad lead me to think that it would be more appropriate to walk down the aisle alone or with my husband. What do you all think? I appreciate your input.

Answer 1

Do what you feel is right, but here is a simple solution that will not make it painfully obvious if you chose not to have your father walk you down the aisle.

Walk down the aisle together with your fiance. You are coming in to the hall together as a couple to get married.

I have seen it done that way in a similar circumstance, and it worked beautifully.

Answer 2

you should do what you want to do, not what your parents want you to do. Walking down the aisle by yourself or with your husband is a sign of your new life and independent spirit. Don't be afraid to go with your gut instincts here. There's too much baggage around your father and since your mom walking you down doesn't seem to be your first choice either, just tell yourself you will honor your parents in some other way, maybe a nice speech at the party afterwards or in a special moment between the three of you before the ceremony. Don't feel bound by tradition! Good luck and congratulations!!

Answer 3

Have you considered asking your mother to do the honors? When your priest asks who is presenting you for marriage, she can answer. This is a modern twist on a tradition that you might feel more comfortable with, if you two are close. I agree that your dad does not have the right to this honor, and admire you for including him in your day at all.

One thing to think about, though: a non-traditional choice makes people ask questions. If you are not comfortable "outing" your father as an abuser, and yourself as a victim, you might want to draw as little attention to the issue as possible.

I suggest walking down the aisle by yourself; this makes a statement for those who know what it means, and does not draw too much unwanted attention in this day and age. You can have the priest skip the part about who presents you for marriage.

But by all means do not have your husband-to-be do it! The symbolism and history of the wedding ceremony suggest that you are joining with him before God: this is why brides wear veils and white dresses, to express modesty and purity before the wedding. If he walks you in, then you are essentially presenting yourselves as a couple already, before the church blesses the union, which symbolically renders that blessing irrelevant. Present yourself to your husband, a strong and powerful woman.

All the best!

Answer 4

First let me say that I am so sorry that you went through that abuse! I am also happy to know you had counseling...Being married already, I think it best to walk down the aisle alone. No need to have the traditional Father-give-the bride away thing. Good luck!

Answer 5

commonly an usher escorts the bride's mom down the aisle perfect previously the marriage occasion starts down. (mom is the final one seated) yet, i've got been to weddings the place the bride's mom walks with the groom's mom. so a procedures as the two mothers and fathers escorting the bride? i'm a touch blended on that. i in my view think of it rather is too plenty, yet contained in relation to an in basic terms new child, i'm able to are conscious of it.

Answer 6

It's YOUR wedding and you usually only marry once. Do what YOU want, not what your parents want.

Walk yourself down the aisle or walk down the aisle with your husband.

Your father does not deserve to.

Answer 7

If I were you I would walk alone. You must be a strong girl to go through all you went through and be able to forgive and still maintain a relationship with your parents. I wouldn't be that strong. Walk down that aisle towards your new husband and hold your head up high.

Answer 8

I would walk down the aisle by myself. You are obviously a strong person than I am as I didn't allow my father to attend my wedding. Your mother married him already so she had her chance at the wedding of her dreams she needs to allow you to do what pleases you and you are comfortable with. Are you comfortable allowing him to "give you away"?

Answer 9

I dont think that he should have the honor of walking you down the aisle after what he did although it has be addressed. If you dont feel that he deserves that position find someone you feel deserves to walk you down like another family memeber or hell walk down yourself. Its your wedding, you should do what feels right to you and not anyone else, including your mother.

Answer 10

It's your day, not your mother's or your father's. Sounds harsh but it's the truth. In the end, you have to make yourself happy, not others. As for the feminist thing, now thats just plain silly; it's not the 60's anymore. Good luck and have a happy wedding.