I messed up, didnt I?

Question

Ok here is my story. My bf and I were in love (or so he told me). I went on a vacation for 2 weeks and during that time I missed him BADLY. But also during that time he found out he had gallstones so he was hospitalized for a few days. I got home from my vacation a couple of days after he got out of the hospital. I was excited to see him cause I missed him so much. But, the first day I got back, we only talked on the phone for 10 mins until he 'had to go'. That entire week, everytime I tried to call him he wouldnt pick up, when i tried to talk to him about feeling ignored, he got upset, he told me he was going through a lot of pain & was very busy & that he had to 'put me aside' for a while. I felt so neglected but also so bad at the same time b/c I was worried about him & his gallstones & he wouldnt let me console him. & although he told me he was busy & that he couldnt even respond to my text messages b/c he was in so much pain, he still found time to see his friends. At one point

when I tried talking to him about feeling neglected, he yelled at me over the phone, when I asked him to stop he kept doing it even when I was in tears. The night after that he continued to ignore my calls/texts & later I found out he was at some bday party the whole night. I couldnt take it anymore, I was in so much pain that I broke up with him. Now he is telling me that he didnt do anything to me to break up with him & that I overreacted & I wasnt sensitive to his situation & now he is upset with me. & even though i apologized over and over for doing anything to hurt him, he doesnt want to work things out. Did I fu*ck up?

Answer 1

First of all, are you certain he had gallstones? Did you call the hospital while he was there? If not, I'd say he was lying about the whole thing. He had to "put you aside" because he had gallstones? I'm not downplaying the condition, cuz I know it can be very painful. But let's see, you couldn't see him the first day you got back, he didn't answer the phone for a week, he was too busy peeing to respond to your text messages, then spends time with friends and goes to a party. Hmm, I'd say you did the right thing. I hope you'll be able to get over him quickly!

Answer 2

No, you didn't mess up and it is ok to be concerned about him. If I were single and my girlfriend went to the hospital while I was away I would come home and see her just like you did. When you love someone or care about someone then this seems to be a normal thing to do. Why would you not be concerned?

I don't know why he was ignoring you and that does sound strange. For him to say that he needs to put you aside for awhile really doesn't sound good. If he's out doing other things then it sounds like he's trying to separate from you. However, for some reason he isn't telling you about it.

I would think about how serious your relationship is. If you both have committed to each other and have decided not to see other people then I would hold him to the commitment. But, you both are dating and it is open game for both of you to see other people. Until you are engaged or married then it is OK to make sure this is the person you want to be with for the rest of your life. So, if he is not sure then he's doing what I would expect him to do. I am sorry about that. It sounds like you are more committed to the relationship than he is.

Not too much right now will make you feel better, so if I were you I would review this relationship and decide whether or not this is a relationship you want to be in the rest of yoru life. If not, then you might just be wasting yoru time. A relationship that doesn't begin with honesty will have an extremely difficult time being honest. You deserve more than that.

Good luck.

Answer 3

I would need to hear his side of it before I could be sure. But I think you both were insensitive to each other. Neither of you considered what the other was feeling. You were both only focused on your own needs. He was probably going through a lot of pain. You were obviously feeling neglected. What neither of you was doing is thinking about what the other person needed. The worst part is that you were both probably misreading each others intentions. When you encounter a situation where someone you care about seems to be treating you in a way that you think is insensitive, you should always take time to let things settle before you take action. Tell him that when he is ready, you would like to talk about it. It may have been just what he said. Also you don't seem to have considered the possibility that he just didn't want you to see him in a weakened state.

Answer 4

No, you did not mess up! Sounds like you did the right thing.
He obviously was just playing you. Sure he had gallstones, and they are painful, but you were trying to help. Maybe you were a little overboard on the number of times you were calling, who knows. But, no one should be yelled at for no good reason. You will be better off to find someone who respects you.

Answer 5

No I don't think you messed up at all. I feel he was neglecting you a little bit also. You tried your best to be there for him and he wouldn't allow you too. If he was in so much pain as he says then why was he able to be there for his friends and go to a birthday party. I feel you tried to be there and that's all you could of done is try and that's what you can tell yourself is at least you tried and he didn't except what you were offering. I feel if anyone should be upset it should be him for treating you the way he did.

Answer 6

no, no you most cetainly did not and don't ever listen to anybody that says you did. He was in the wrong and obviously you deserve much, much better. I am sorry he acted like such a jerk, some guys are just like that. If he doesn't want to work it out, then don't even bother, don't even bother if he did. I am sorry that he became this way but at least you didn't marry him before he decided to be a complete twit. Just keep your chin up. The day looks gloomy now but you will have blue skies again (and a guy that appreciates you)

Answer 7

No you didn't do anything wrong. You have to accept that this guy is no longer into you, then that's it. Let it go, there are a million other guys out there and ond day one of them will love you so much that you will never have to feel neglected.


Simple fact: If a guy neglects you or tells you fibs about where he is, then he IS NOT INTO YOU. You don't need the stress, let it go

Answer 8

No, you didn't. If the relationship couldn't handle you going on a trip, (which seems like this is the real problem), then it's a good thing that ya'll have split. He must have a self-esteem problem and he seems like he acted like a real jerk. He sounds like he was planning on a party long before it got there and picked a fight with you over his gall-bladder surgery, or whatever, and if not that, he would have picked one over something else just to go see whoever it is he had his mind set on.

Answer 9

**** no girl. If he found to go out and party without spending any time with you, he ain't worth it. He doesn't have to spend every minute with you, but he should have spent some instead of ignoring you and making up excused the whole time.

Answer 10

no, he f*cked up. you came to him with an olive branch and he threw it away. you did show concern and you tried to make up for not being there. if he wanted to punish you then he has succeeded too well. i have been is severe pain before, but going out to a party was the last thing on my mind. so i say to forget him and move on. you don't deserve that kind of treatment from anybody. he has no valid excuses, don't feel bad.