How can you tell if someone is an alcoholic?

Question

I have a friend, my ex boyfriend to be precise, and we both work in a pub. We broke up because I feel lke he's drinking way too much, he drinks every night and often stay in his bar (where drinks are cheap for staff) till 9 or 10 am (after starting drinking at 6pm). He hardly eats, has lost a lot of weight, is gaunt etc. He also becomes very aggressive after drinking. I'm very worried about him. Is he an alcoholic? If he is, which I'm scared of, how can I help him? He won't listen to me when I say that I think he's had enough and there's no chance of me stopping him from staying for a drink. What can I do?

He's had a hard life so far, and his Mum is an alcoholic, he's only 19 and I'm worried that he's doing himself some serious damage, I've tried telling him that he's got a problem, that I care and that I want to help him but he just snaps back. I've told him that I will only see him when he's sober but he's never sober! I miss the person he used to be!

I had considered drug use but he's so anti-drugs, although the signs do suggest drugs, I would seriously doubt it.
I think it's just the fact that he's drinking a lot, not eating and not sleeping...

I, myself, hardly drink, even with the cheap drinks, as I don't really like it and feel like I can have a good time without drinking, there are of course nights when I get drunk...but how can I make him see that drink is not the solution to his problems??

Answer 1

Alcoholism—The Facts, The Myths

Perhaps the biggest myth about alcoholism is that the skid-row derelict is the typical alcoholic. Actually, fewer than 5 percent of the alcoholic population can be found in the derelict sections of large cities. The rest? They are taking care of the children at home, caring for patients, working at the office.

Of all major health problems, probably none is more shrouded in myth than alcoholism. So what are the facts? The facts must be recognized if alcoholism is to be treated. And it can be treated successfully.

● What Is an Alcoholic?

According to Marty Mann, founder-consultant of the National Council on Alcoholism, “an alcoholic is someone whose drinking causes a continuing and growing problem in any department of his life.” The key word is “continuing.” To illustrate: If drinking was causing a problem in the homelife, social life, business or professional life of a normal drinker, he could drink less, even though this might call for real determination. But with the alcoholic it’s different. Oh, he may try to cut down. But no matter how much determination he may have, once he starts to drink, he is unable to control it, and thus drinking causes a “continuing” problem in his life.

● Why Is Alcoholism Called a “Disease”?

In a general sense, a disease is defined as “a disturbance in function or structure of any organ or part of the body, possessing certain recognizable symptoms.” Does alcoholism fit the definition? According to the American Medical Association, the World Health Organization and numerous other medical and government agencies, it does.

How is there “a disturbance in function” in the body of an alcoholic? Well, alcohol affects him differently from the way it affects other people. In the early stages he often consumes huge amounts of alcohol without getting drunk. Then, too, he may have blackouts, afterward not remembering what he said or did while drinking, although he was fully conscious and appeared normal to others. And as we will see, there are recognizable symptoms.

Alcoholism is not strictly a physical problem. The alcoholic is affected mentally, emotionally and spiritually as well, and efforts to help him must take these factors into consideration.

● Are Some People Predisposed to Alcoholism?

There is increasing evidence that this may be the case. For example, a study carried out in Denmark between 1970 and 1976 found that sons of alcoholics were four times as likely to be alcoholic as were sons of nonalcoholics. And this was so even though the children were raised by nonalcoholic adoptive parents.

In another study, conducted at the University of Washington in Seattle, it was found that young men with a family history of alcoholism developed high levels of acetaldehyde in their blood when they drank alcohol. Science Digest suggests that the “increased acetaldehyde may heighten the feeling of intoxication and pleasure alcohol brings, thereby serving as strong inducement to drink more.”

Such findings, however, are not conclusive and indicate only that some predisposition to alcoholism may be hereditary.

● Is Alcoholism Curable?

If by “curable” is meant the ability to return to normal controlled drinking, this has happened so rarely that most experts would answer, No! Dr. Sheila Blume, director of the New York State Division of Alcoholism and Alcohol Abuse, put it this way: “I tell my patients to imagine that they are on this side of Long Island Sound and are asked to swim to Connecticut through shark-infested waters. Out of hundreds of swimmers, one or two might make it—but would you plunge in?”

Alcoholism is, however, controllable, and most counselors and recovering alcoholics agree that it can best be controlled only by total abstinence.

● Is It the Same as Drunkenness?

No. Drunkenness describes the result of overconsumption—a temporary loss of control over physical and mental capacities. But not everyone who gets drunk is an alcoholic. And not all alcoholics get drunk. For instance, a recovering alcoholic may not drink at all. Yet he is still an alcoholic; if he started drinking, he eventually would lose control.

The Bible condemns both heavy drinking and drunkenness as morally wrong. (Proverbs 23:20, 21; 1 Corinthians 5:11-13; 6:9, 10) But the alcoholic does not have to get drunk. He can stay sober by not drinking. However, if he, with full knowledge of his condition, chooses to go on drinking and continues to get drunk, then he has a moral problem—drunkenness.

● Is It Just a Case of Willpower?

“Most alcoholics have more than their share of will power,” answers Marty Mann. “They will get up and go to work when anyone else, feeling as they do, would be in bed calling for the doctor.” If alcoholics were simply lacking in willpower, then no doubt most of them would be skid-row derelicts.

Perhaps the myth about alcoholics’ being weak willed stems from what happens when they do drink—they lose control. So the alcoholic must use his willpower to abstain from the first drink.

● What About Tranquilizers?

The alcoholic who wakes up with the shakes and doesn’t want to drink in the morning might reach for a tranquilizer. But what he may not realize is that his body doesn’t know the difference. Alcohol is a sedative, a mood changer, just as tranquilizers, sleeping pills, painkillers, even medicines for colds (which contain antihistamine) are mood changers. And any mood-changing substance can present a danger to the alcoholic.

To progress in recovery, therefore, many experts recommend that alcoholics abstain not only from alcohol but from all mood-changing substances.

● How Does Alcoholic Drinking Differ from Normal Drinking?

The alcoholic’s drinking goes beyond what is accepted as normal. For example, if somebody you know started sneaking into a closet to drink milk, surely you would conclude that something was wrong. It’s not normal. Yet alcoholics very often sneak drinks, even hiding bottles for later consumption. Normal drinkers don’t do that.

The biggest difference, however, between alcoholic drinking and normal drinking is control. The social drinker, even the heavy drinker, usually can decide when and how much he or she will drink. The alcoholic can’t. He consistently drinks more than he intended to.

Have others become increasingly concerned about your drinking? Be honest with yourself. ‘I can stop any time I want to,’ you might say. And you’re probably right. But “going on the wagon” is no test, because even the most advanced alcoholics can at times do that for a while. Besides, how do you feel during periods of abstinence—calm and relaxed or nervous and tense? Remember, the key is control. Thus the book Alcoholics Anonymous states: “If when drinking, you have little control over the amount you take, you are probably alcoholic.”

● Why Doesn’t the Alcoholic See What Is Happening to Him?

As his condition worsens, the alcoholic’s sense of self-worth deteriorates and in its place grow anxiety, guilt, shame and remorse. To live with himself, he unconsciously uses several defenses.

Rationalization: He gives his drinking and its effects a variety of excuses: “I’m nervous,” “I’m depressed,” “I drank on an empty stomach.”

Projection: He puts his painful feelings onto others. Now he sees others as “hateful,” “spiteful,” “mean,” “against me.”

Repression: He tunes out painful drinking episodes, actually convincing himself that they never happened. Thus, with his wife upset over last night’s binge, he might lean over and ask: ‘Is anything bothering you this morning?’ And she can’t believe her ears!

Euphoric recall: At times his memory of drinking episodes is euphoric or happy. So he might say, ‘Yes, I had a few last night, but I was just fine’—when actually he wasn’t ‘just fine.’ Alcohol has distorted his perception.

These defenses build up a wall of denial that hinders the alcoholic from seeing what’s happening to him. He needs help.

● What Kind of Help Is Needed?

‘All he needs is help to stop drinking,’ you might think. But he needs more.

Physically: He must be safely withdrawn from alcohol (“detoxified”). This may require hospitalization so that alcohol-related health problems can also be treated. But physically recovering is not enough. Otherwise, once he’s feeling better, he might think, ‘Now I can handle it.’

Mentally: He should learn the facts about alcoholism, becoming aware of and accepting the logical reasons for him to abstain. This knowledge will help him in his lifelong fight to maintain sobriety.

Socially: He must learn to live comfortably with himself and others.

Emotionally: He must learn to cope with anxiety and the other negative feelings within him. He must learn to be happy without alcohol.

Spiritually: Since he is given to hopelessness and fear, he needs help that will inspire hope, confidence and trust.

● Where Can Such Help Be Found?

While there are various forms of treatment available, one thing stands out as a must—having someone knowledgeable and sympathetic to talk to, perhaps someone who has been there and back. This can inspire hope, for it lets the alcoholic know that he, too, can recover.

Many alcoholics have been aided by an alcoholism rehabilitation center. Such centers may have a staff that is drawn from many disciplines, including physicians, psychiatrists, psychologists and trained social workers. Here the patient usually goes through a thorough educational process whereby he learns about alcoholism in a way he can accept.

Then, too, group-therapy sessions led by trained counselors may offer the patient practical support with his problems and help him to open up and become aware of the unconscious defenses he has been using. Since he can’t change what he can’t see, such insight is an aid in his recovering. But whatever therapy is used, the basic goal is to help the patient to learn to cope emotionally without resorting to alcohol.

However, once he leaves such treatment, the recovering alcoholic may find himself face to face with the realities that used to drive him to drink. There may be lingering negative feelings about himself, family problems or a shaky job situation. Clearly, he needs ongoing help to cope. For such help, some turn to local volunteer groups made up of recovering alcoholics who are dedicated to helping one another.

There is, however, another source of help available, one that can give the recovering alcoholic strength “beyond what is normal” in his daily struggle to cope with life and maintain sobriety. What is that?—2 Corinthians 4:7, 8.

“My success,” states a recovering alcoholic, “is due to my faith in Jehovah, the power of prayer and the help given to me by my Christian brothers. Without that, I would now be in the gutter, or dead, through alcohol.” Yes, it was by studying the Bible with Jehovah’s Witnesses and attending Christian meetings that this man acquired real faith in God and loving Christian companions. But in what way can these help?

Well, his study of God’s Word can help the recovering alcoholic to change his way of thinking. (Romans 12:1, 2) Feelings of guilt and remorse are eased as he comes to know Jehovah as a merciful, forgiving God. (Exodus 34:6, 7) Too, Bible principles show him how to improve family life, how to be the kind of worker any employer would delight in, and how to avoid thoughts and actions that create undue anxiety and worry.—Ephesians 5:22-33; Proverbs 10:4; 13:4; Matthew 6:25-34.

As he builds a trusting relationship with Jehovah God, he learns to commit his cares and burdens confidently to Jehovah in prayer. With the help of loving Christian friends, he learns to communicate clearly his feelings and needs and comes to realize that he can get close to others without fear. Such relationships inspire the secure feeling and the sense of self-worth so much needed by the recovering alcoholic.—Psalm 55:22; 65:2; Proverbs 17:17; 18:24.

So, have you or others become concerned about your drinking? Has drinking caused you problems in one or more areas of your life? Then do something about it! Why hold onto something that can cause you so much pain and trouble? By learning the facts (not myths) and acting in harmony with them, it is possible to recover from alcoholism and lead a happy, productive life.

[Footnotes]

Of course, alcoholics may be either male or female.

Acetaldehyde is a substance produced when the body breaks down alcohol.

A discussion of what the family can do will appear in a later issue of Awake!

Of course, a person who is desirous of living by Bible principles needs to be very selective in choosing help. He would not want to become involved in the treatment or the activities of an organization that would in any way cause him or encourage him to compromise his Christian principles.

Answer 2

Alcoholism killed my dad, and my older brother is now well on the way there too. He's currently receiving counselling and has had scans because the alcohol is affecting his brain but he still drinks too much. He told his mum he was just drinking cokes, but he's recently been to Spain twice purely to get p****d all day. When he was still at home he used to come home in an alcoholic temper and vandalise the house. Since he moved out just over two years ago it's been heaven without him and now he vandalises his own home instead of the family home. Only an alcoholic can help their self, if they can't do that they're beyond help.

As and edit: my brother has a very active social life, he's a keep fit, weight lifting freak who has a very good physique. Maybe your fella is on something else?

Answer 3

I quit alcohol twenty years ago. It hardly seems possible. It seems like it's been five minutes ago, but now I have a life. His recognition has to come from within. There is little you can do except gently make him aware there might be a problem with it. From what you have said, it would be easy to label him, but I would encourage you to just encourage him to consider the possibility he might need help with it. If you nag he will become more determined to drink. Recognition of his problem must come to him on his own. He must realise he has an issue. You can try to tell him, but what has to happen here is he has to see it himself and then he has to want to stop. What a tall order. Be prepared to wait a little while longer while some of it catches up with him. I know how that sounds. I would also encourage you to get some help for yourself in dealing with his drinking, because it is clearly affecting you, as well. What you can do is to take care of you. That is probably the one thing you can do which will really make a difference. Stay positive with him and keep encouraging him to get help, but try very hard not to nag him about it, if you can avoid that. The way which occurs to me to try on him is to tell him kindly the effect his drinking is having on you. He might actually see that one and decide to view the whole thing differently. I hope this answer really helps you relax and disengage a little. Stepping back will probably bring you closer to actually helping him. Best to you, always. Chris

Answer 4

Unfortunately there is no set guideline for how to pick an alcoholic, although if he chose to drink over saving the relationship, thats a bad sign, also getting agressive after drinking isnt good. and from the sound of it he is drinking over long periods.
There is nothing you can do to stop him. You have to see it as an illness, not as just something he does, its like, you cant stop someone having cancer.
Perhaps go to a support group in your local area, such as alanon. they may have ideas on how you could help him.
I know how h ard it is to deal with, I am there at the moment too, and all i can really suggest is that you talk to him when he is sober, not whinge at him, or anything he can misconstrue as complainig or controlling, and tell him that you are worried about him

Answer 5

I'm afraid i would have to agree with you and say it does sound like your ex has a problem, but to help him he has to admit he has a problem and want to help himself, also you have to ask yourself are you strong enough to deal with this on your own, you obviously still love and care for him and it will be hard to see him go down this path, but you have to remember alcoholics bring down the people around them, you will feel as if you are banging your head against a brick wall sometimes and feel frustrated and angry you may even make yourself ill with all the stress, he isn't really your problem but if you want to help there are support groups for this kind of thing that help you as well as your ex you can look local numbers up on the Internet or ask your GP, has he no relatives that could help you or good friends try and not take this whole thing on by yourself as you are young and inexperienced and will need support even if it is moral support, my guess is if he hasn't seen a problem yet he won't and maybe he will turn down any help you try and give him maybe even turn nasty you will have to expect this and if it does prove to much and he refuses then admit defeat and walk away no matter how hard you tried your best but ultimately only he at the end of the end of the day can help himself, i wish you all the best good luck...

Answer 6

The definition of an alcoholic is not how much he drinks or when it is this
When the drinking effects his relationship with his
family
friends
or job
It appears he has a big problem going here, but if he will not get help there is no help. He has to be the one to reconize the problem and want to do something.
The only thing you can do is to not be an enabler:
dont keep him company in his stupor
dont do him any favors give rides etc anything that aides his drinking.
Dont sympathise. It is tough love it is the only way, not only for him but for you. I have lived within alcoholism all my life until the last 8 years. If you let it it will drag you down to his level, take care of yourself and if he decided to get help be a support to him, until then take care of you.

Answer 7

As a recovering alcoholic i can say yes he is. The only way to help him is to make him want the help. He has to make the move for that. The way to do that is to let this become his problem. Let his be all on him. Don't do anything when he gets into a bind and never let him drive a car. When he can see what it is doing to him he will seek help. Yes this is dangerous. and yes it hurts to see someone you love suffer. But it has to be tough love to work. If he passes out outside on the ground then leave him there. If he pisses his pants then leave him there. Let it be his problem. Don't ever contribute to it by giving him more to drink.

Answer 8

Absolutely nothing for him but I would suggest that you attend a local Al-Anon meeting as until he is ready to stop drinking nothing you could do would work. He needs to want to stop drinking and that usually doesn't happen until they hit bottom. Often times a active alcoholic will hit bottom once they start to lose the things they love but often times in fact more often they either hit a really hard bottom like homelessness illness, or institutionalized (jail, mental intuitions).
14 years sobriety here and it took me losing 5 of 8 of my children, last three born in sobriety.

Answer 9

I think you have a bigger problem on your hands. Sounds to me like he may be involved in drugs. A coke/stimulant user will often times exhibit the same behaviors. Loss of appetite, weight loss, gaunt...signs of drug use. Staying out all night as well. When you are using stimulants, you have a lot of energy and don't want to "crash" until "it's" all gone! Take a deeper look into the situation. Alcohol might be a cover up.

Answer 10

They have to have a drink everyday. No matter what the day or what could possibly be happening where they need to be in their right mind. Just having a special event happening in their life is not enough to keep them on their own high, they need a drink to help them......

Answer 11

try and talk to him when he is sober and has not had a drink and tell just how you feel. He needs to take the first step as you cant help people who drink they need to want to do it themselves really. Its hard but if they dont want help then they are not going to listen to anyone. He does drink a lot and i understand you are worried but you just needs to share your view to him.