how do you deal with your nosey inlaws?

Question

My fiance's inlaws are freakin nuts! I honestly don't know how to handle most of their comments or some of the situations i'm put in. I've always been the quiet type and not really speak my mind, but i'm getting to the point where I HAVE to with these weirdos. First of all, they're really nosey. They have to put their two cents into everything including my own personal family relations. They went behind my fiance's back and arranged everything with his ex to get his son for visitation and never consulted us about it. His 2 year old nephew still nurses off of his mother and it really bothers me because now i'm scared to nurse when i have my baby thinking it's sick. They also give their toddlers alcohol when they ask for it. The kids are allowed to have cigarettes in their mouth, run around with steak knifes, sharp objects, basically they run the house hold not the parents, but when we have structure with my fiance's 3 yr old, we're considered bad parents and mean! am i missing something

Oh yeah did i mention that his sisters make him feel like an inch tall? One sister laughed at him while we were having a conversation about pay checks. he told her how much he brought home a month and she laughed at him! Money is always a big thing with them. They think they have to buy stuff for their nephew because we don't have money, which is wrong. His sister told me the other day that she was going to buy him a swing set because we won't ever do it and wanted to know where i was going to put it. They have ruined toys because they take them to their house and allow the sprinklers to hit them and cause corrosion with wires and what not. They have no respect for us! It drives me nuts and me and my fiance often fight about stuff that is caused by them. Thank god we have a strong relationship because his family is one of those that could tear us apart very easily.

Answer 1

Based on what you said about these people, yes,they do seem a little wacky. I'm not sure how your fiance came out so normal. What do you want your fiance to do? do you want him to disown them? Or at least acknowledge that they are "nuts"? You said he has a son, is this why he chooses to live in the same area? If your fiance is not seeing the potential problems and conflicts that will arise for you and him to stay involved, then you're going to have to decide if you can actually put up with these people for the rest of your life. They are already established, you are the new-comer to them, so they don't feel any need to change. The good news is that even if you have to live near them, you certainly do not have to interact with them unless you choose to. But that is going to have to be your fiances job to put the distance between them and you. Oh, and about the nursing thing, don't let what someone else does affect what you do.

Answer 2

yes you are. first off your fiancees' in-laws would be your parents.
second if his parents want to have a visit with the grandchild why should they consult you? you have nothing to do or say about their grandchild. you are only their sons' girlfriend!!! they asked the mom and she agreed.
third they couldn't comment on your personal family business if you had not told them your personal family business.
fourth, if you don't like what they do and if you think they are such weirdos don't go around them.
i think you need to also mind your own business. how long his sister breast feeds her child is none of your business
for someone that is the quiet type and and not really one to speak your mind, you sure said quite a lot and were nasty about it too!
as far as the alcohol and cigarettes and running with steak knives i truly believe you have gone over the top and are exaggerating to make your point and make yourself look better. you ranted about too many things that you shouldn't have and now you don't seem credible.
yes you are missing something, you also have a hand in the workings of that family. when you spoke of your personal family relations you evidently gave out information that you shouldn't have!
in my opinion you are judgmental, self-important, and just as bad as they are.

Answer 3

I actual have a terrible companion's mom. We have been given alongside nice for the 1st few years yet she has 2 different sons and that they've girlfriends. She does not understand a thank you to get alongside with all 3 people ladies at as quickly as. She basically likes a million at a time and the different 2 get spoke of. it rather is terrible. I only stop going around and whilst she comes around I only smile and keep my mouth close. She is a liar, manipulator, and many different issues. it rather is a shame using fact she has 6 grandkids and can't get all of them mutually using fact the way she treats people.

Answer 4

Be careful and have LONG talks with this man before you marry him. i'm not so sure I would be with hubby if i had known his family better. You are being a bit silly about the breastfeeding. Why would you be scared to nurse??? You don't have to nurse for 2 years. Besides, every child is different. Just make sure the two of you agree on disipline and other issues before you marry. Don't assume he agrees with you. They do have rights to visitation with their grandchild and do not have to consult him. You don't count on that, even if you were married.
To get away from my in-laws, I got my hus to move about 4 hours away. It is like heaven, except for the visits.

Answer 5

here's what YOU can do. YOU don't need to put up with this. you need to think about your mental health. best way is to keep your distance. cut these people out of your lives. they are not healthy for you. just because they're family doesn't mean they're entitled to make you (or fiance) miserable.

hopefully fiance will see them for the cancer they are and cut them loose too. good luck

Answer 6

ok, number one, if they make your fiance feel like an inch tall, he needs to grow a set. Apparently, this is a trend that needs to stop, cause if they can do it to him, they'll feel they can do it to you. And if he won't step up and take charge you need to. Sometimes you need to be a little bit of a *****.. not a total *****.. but just firm.

Answer 7

you almost make it sound as though you live with these poeple. you do not so do not see them, talk to them or have anything to do with them, keep your own rules etc. sounds like you could even turn them in to the athorities about the kids and the kind of inviroment then are in .i would do it

Answer 8

When they ask you something, tell them "because." If they ask "because why?" tell them "because why." That'll drive them nuts. Ignore what they do in their home, set rules for your home and if they cannot abide and respect them, show them the door.

Answer 9

Hurry, get out of that relationship! Or you'll be in a mess for life.

Answer 10

tell them