My mom died when I was 18 and I'm 26 now - I know I shouldn't feel so bad about it anymore, because it's been so long... but it still hurts. She was my only family.
I want to have children of my own, I've been married 6 years and own a house.. the only thing missing is a child. I just feel so scared about having kids of my own now. Just thinking that my mom won't ever see my kids, or hold them... I have no one to go to for advice.
I'm not close with my husbands family, and like I said... I have no family of my own, most everyone has died. I don't even have any close friends because I have moved so often since my mothers death. I've just never gotten the chance to become close with anyone, it's so hard moving to a new city and I'm very shy meeting new people.
It was hard enough getting married without my mom there... I just can't imagine how hard having a baby will be.
2007-03-14 14:12:48 · 8 answers · asked by Cranberry 3 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Parenting
I totally understand how you are feeling. My mother died when I was 16 and I was an only child. She was truly my best friend. We were really close. My dad is also dead. I have a huge empty void in my life. I am 34 years old now and I still miss her incredibly bad, and of course my dad too.
I have 2 beautiful daughters. I had the first when I was only 17. I was 3 months pregnant when my mom died unexpectedly with a brain aneuryrism. She was only 38 years old. She was sooo excited that I was pregnant. She just couldn't wait for my baby to be born. I'll tell ya, I had literally never seen a newborn baby. I was scared to death. I was actually pissed at my mom for dying and leaving me. Of course I got over that pretty quickly because I knew she would have never done that to me on purpose.
After I had my oldest daughter, I soon decided that I needed to have 2 kids so that they would have each other and never be totally alone if something happened to me. So 5 years later I gave birth to another daughter.
Those kids are the best thing that has ever happened to me. I have a wonderful husband whom I love very much also, but my kids are my strength. They keep me going. I dont know what I would do without them. Now I try to look at it a different way - it's not that I lost my family, but I gained a new one.
Trust me, I think having a child, or children would make your life feel more complete. You will always miss your mother. I would be lying if I said you will get over her. Mine has been gone for 17 years now and it is still painful as hell to me.
I used to be so sad because my mom never saw my kids. Now I look at it differently. I feel like she is watching over us. She will always live on in my heart. I often show my kids pictures of her and tell them stories about her and what she was like. I try to think about what she would have done when I am faced with hard decisions about my kids and life. I try to keep her memory alive as much as possible. I know that she really would be proud of me and my children. That thought warms my heart. She will always be with me - in a special way.
I am 100% sure that your mom would have wanted you to go on with your life and experience what it is like to be a parent.
I wish you luck with whatever decision you make. My heart goes out to you, I know the pain you are feeling.
2007-03-14 15:03:13 · answer #1 · answered by I know, I know!!!! 6 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Sweetheart, of course you should feel bad. There is no time limit on missing your mother. You cannot be scared to bring life into the world. You sound like a very sweet person who has a lot to offer. If you are ready, have a baby and talk about your mom to your child all the time. Show you baby pictures of your mom and keep her memory alive. If you had any traditions with your mom, like baking xmas cookies or something like that, do that with your child. My grandmother was my favorite person on earth and I lost her when I was 17. My kids know everything about her. Her pictures are everywhere and I tell my kids all the stories she told me. They feel like they know her. By doing this I have kept her memory alive.
2007-03-14 14:24:14 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
My mother isn't dead, she has multiple personality disorder and is a very dangerous person requiring 24 hr care... It is very hard having nobody to help you with advice or even just to let you have a nap sometimes, (we moved when I became pregnant, I have not met anyone to befriend, and my in-laws live up north - hubby's useless too, love him dearly, but argh) _ you get by, though, somehow, when you think you can't handle another minute, you just keep going, and time passes...
Good luck, a child will bring you great joy, with or without help and advice.
reading the other answers makes me jealous not to have had any kind of positive relationship with my own mother... I hope my children will grow up to feel the way they do about their mothers:(
2007-03-14 14:20:20 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
you sound like you have suffered a lot of loss, and your coping with it pretty well...but you need to take the chance of having a child! if you don't, youll go your whole life without the wonderful experience of having a kid.
i know it still hurts and you've done a great job by moving on but i really think its time to take the final step in realizing that the only thing you can do now is look towards the future
2007-03-14 14:22:23 · answer #4 · answered by curlygurly 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
sorry for your loss, i have 5 kids and my mom only met three of them, it is difficult but my mom sees them she knows i believe that, she's a bug in my ear telling me when i do good or bad, but like you i am not close to my hubby's family and there are times i ache for her or my dad but i get threw, the love of a child is an incredible thing and you will be a great mom, and your children will know your mom threw you, i find support in parent groups, friends, hubby, church, my children are involved in many activities i meet parents threw , there will be tough times but i live one day at a time and i truly enjoy sharing memories of my parents with my children and they enjoy it too, when you miss your mom, reach out to someone and cry, it helps, at Christmas my children always treat me extra special, they set up the 8mm, and help me threw the day, if you share your feelings and get it out rather then suffering silently it makes it all be OK
2007-03-14 16:54:03 · answer #5 · answered by melissa s 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I had my first child when I was 19, and my mom was so wrapped up in her own life, I was on my own to look for info. Trust your doctor, trust your instincts, and trust your husband...and let his family help take care of the house while you enjoy the baby. Your fear will rob you of a wonderful experience if you don't get over it.
2007-03-14 14:49:10 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 2⤋
One step at a time.. small steps.. See the movie "Contact" - Jodie Foster lost both parents in that movie....
Have your kid when you are ready... And just remember no one is ever 100% sure they are fully ready...
You owe it to yourself to have a kid.. You sound like you will love her or him a lot... And you'll be a great parent.
Good luck.
2007-03-14 14:19:33 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
i have walked in your shoes,don't borrow trouble,your mother is with you everyday,she is in your heart and soul, being a mother will be so natural,not easy but natural,your mother would not want you to be childless just because you can't feel her or touch her, she is with you in spirit. have a baby, maybe give it the middle name of your mother, make a scrapbook about your mom to share with all your children, put it it GOD'S hands, everything will be alright.
2007-03-14 14:58:52 · answer #8 · answered by gone fishing! 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋