HOW Do I Save This relationship..............?

Question

My boyfriend of 3 years and 7 months, told me 5 days ago that he's had enough. He thinks I have mistreated him and will never change. We are childhood sweethearts and have known each other since we were three years old! I am so scared because he is the only thing I know in life. He said he thinks we should be best friends. he said he still loves me and wants to spend the rest of his life with me but just doesn't see that happening. i love him more than life itself. i still talk to him 2-3 times a day. Most of the time the conversation is "How are you doing?I was just checking on you. "Sometimes when I tell him I love him he doesn't say it back. He also stands me up when we are supposed to see each other. I am so hurt and confused. I know I was terrible to him and he was nothing more than sweet to me. Please help me someone before he leaves me for good. This is our first seperation. He is also staying in the other town he works at at night instead of driving 50 minutes home.

Answer 1

I'm not sure your relationship can be saved, honey. If you've been treating him badly, he's got a right to find someone who will treat him better. You two are separated (broken up, right?), so you need to stop calling him all the time & telling him that you love him. Give him some space to think, constantly pestering him will make the situation worse.

I'd say leave him alone for now and let him call you when he's ready to talk. That's what's worked for me in similar situations.

Answer 2

First off I'm sorry you're hurting so much. I've been there and know the pain all too well. But any relationship has be 50/50. Both have to want it and both have to keep it alive and going. If he's not willing to make it work then it can't and you'll have to move on. I know it hurts like hell right now but this may be for the best in the long run.

Answer 3

3 years and 7 months is a very long relationship. Though not every relationships goes the way you planned it to be. He might have probably just fall out of love with you because he realized you didnt have something he wanted or maybe you're not keeping him interested in you anymore. This happens in realtionships all the time. Relationships that last to 4 years are usually bound to end because it gets too long and the relationship gets boring once you know everything about the person. And maybe he has gotten sick of whatever you do that he doesnt like, so he wants to move on. Think hard about what you did wrong to him. And you need to ask him why is he not loving you like he used to.

Answer 4

Sorry about your break up! Sometimes relationships are not suppose to be for a lifetime....sometimes relationships are there to help us grow and change and become the person we can be. Sometimes a relationship has become so overwhelming that there needs to be space for both parties to know how they truly feel.....You know the saying, "absences makes the heart grow fonder."

May I ask how old you are? How have you been terrible to him? What things are you wanting him to forgive? Somethings are just too big to forgive and somethings take a while to heal....trust is not given easily it is earned, you cannot expect someone to trust you on your word since its your actions that speak clearly...Learn to earn trust. If you have been terrible to him you are going to have to "show" him you have changed. He cannot get back with you just because you say you are going to change because that has obviously not worked or he would not have felt the need to seperate himself from you.... so respect that and allow him his space and don't call him every day. Let him have a breather from you...let him call you.

Focus on his reasons for leaving and if they are valid reasons then take the time to work on yourself so you will be in a better place. If this relationship is meant to be and you do change then he will come back to you but if you badger him by calling all the time, emailing, stopping by, or act needy you are only going to push him further and further away..... sometimes a guy just needs time to think. They don't deal with things in the same way we do, they shut down, they do other things, they don't talk until they've figured everything out in their own head.

I believe because he stands you up and he does not respond back with "I love you" is his way of trying to make you see he is serious. Don't say, "I love you" or if you do, say that you want to say it but you don't expect him to say it in return and mean it don't go getting hurt because he didn't respond. If he wants to get together with you then that is ok, but don't ask him to meet with you....... don't say things like you want to talk things over...guys hate talking things over and us girls on the other hand have a tendency to analyze things, and talk things in the ground so don't do this.

Fill your time with doing other things, it's going to be hard and you will think of him all the time but this will give both of you the time you need. This would be a great time to pick up some courses, or learn something new, maybe if you truly have issues in regards to how you treat others seek a counselor and this will help you to resolve these issues and become a better you....regardless of whether you get back together or not this will make you a better person for yourself and you will love yourself first and your boyfriend or someone new will come to see this new you and love you too.

Good Luck!

Answer 5

well I think whats best for both of you is a little time apart. This will give each of you time to see why you need to stay together. It will also give him time to miss you and you time to work on what you have been doing wrong. After that time goes by, the two of you need to talk about what you want from each other and find out what needs to be worked on. If he truly loves you he will want to make it work. So keep your head up and give it some time. Hope this helps.

Answer 6

hello dear..this is something that i want u to know i feel for u. but when they stop telling u that they love u it's because they don't want to hurt u any more.. don't want get ur hope up..see some time they just don't know how to do things..i look at things as if u want to work things out than u do all that u can to do just that..baby i tell u no matter what u say r do things r not going to get better for u and i don't know u..but i tell u just as soon as u r able to let him go do it..and life will get better for u..I'm sure in what I'm saying to u. u don't have to believe me but just listen a bit ,keep it in the back of ur head and keep ur head up..guys r so wried lots of time they don't try to hurt u just want what they want and if it's not us than there's nothing we can do but move on..and know this that there is someone who is out there for u who will and can make u more happy.. i know u can't understand now because ur heart is just hurting and u can't and don't won't to see this..because u don't want to see ur self with out him..thinking of what u guys have r had..all the fun times..looking and all the time that u have been with him..just take ur time and find ur self and move on it will work out..i promise u.. ( life is hard only when we won't look pass what hurt the most...)

Answer 7

No, no, no, no,no,no,no,no,no,NO! Sex is NOT the answer to LOVE! Who ever gives that shitty logic- NO! Tell him you'll improve. If you know you've been terrible and you're not just saying that because he's said than that is the first step. Talk to him tell him you'll improve- tell him- DEMAND he believe you. Get it into his head in the best way possible you love him and for him you'll improve. Look at what you've done wrong and don't do it again. Don't search to correct it. The past is not what matters- the future is nice but you can't jump to it- the present is what matters it molds how your future is. So don't dwell in the past nor the future. Tell him you're ready to look into your love for him in the present to help both of your futures.

Answer 8

Very strange predicament, but one I have been in. I treated my man like crap and he vowed never to date me again (And I him, since he cheated on me) but we remained incredible friends after that. After a few weeks of little communication (I lived in Cali for a while) we reunited and we both had flames again. Even though we pine for eachother often, we both vowed never to date eachother again because of the way our relationship ended up. So when we see eachother we hug 'a little too long' sit 'a little too close' and other romantic things, but I don't know what will happen longterm, which is why I can't give you good advice, only offer my condolences, having been through similiar events.

Answer 9

Perhaps the only way to show him is just that, show him, stop telling him (well maybe tell him once more to tell him what you are doing), and then change what you know you did wrong.

You said you were terrible to him, why? What is it in you that caused you to be terrible to him? Probably need to identify and work on that too, otherwise it might come out again giving him justification that it will never work.

Good luck!

Answer 10

Okay first off if you think you love him more than life let me tell you to go to counseling. You need to step back and take a break. Maybe you got so use to him being around you take advantage of it. If you seriously want to save this relationship, I would say again that counseling would be a good idea.Learn to love your life and be happy with out him and it will be easier to be happy with him and treat him right. Maybe when he sees the effort you are willing to go to he will try to work on it with you. If he wants to try and save the relationship maybe he will go to a counseling session with you.