Hey, help me with my dad, he is mostly a negitive most of the time?

Question

Hi, yeah Im 16 and um he complians and complians about everything most of the time. Complians about little things too and about my older siblings. But most of the time when I speak to him its negitive. My grades arent exactly ready for harvard but you know what I mean. Im just tired of him not listening and not being positive and complianing. It really makes me feel like im a child that has lots of problems, everyone does and I know im not that bad but still come on, it really wears down on you everyday. Ive tried talking to him about all the stuff above but it just ends in yelling, like he comes back at me with the crap I do wrong. Also at times, when we arent even talking about anything he brings up arugments that he knows is going to end in a way that we want to be at eachothers throats. I mean not every conversation is like that but most of the time. He complians to my teachers, anyone. Ive even used the saying "You get more with honey, then you get more with vinigor" Please help

I have, doesnt really work he set that up for us. I mean I think he takes up most of the time there. But yeah Ive talk to my older silbings about that.... theres gotta be a better way. yeah 2 years man most of the time yeah i do want to move out. I cant so.... I gotta do whats given.... so how can we solve this... He is also bi polar too i guess that could factor in though but i need a solution its really getting on my nerves.

I am positive most of the time.... I mean if your arent positve people dont want to be around you. yeah, i mean he is frustrated yeah. i mean its like a lion coming out of its cage man. Another thing is that I dont see why we cant work together on stuff, on ways on how I can be successful inschool and stuff. I mean its my life. I do want his help but also be able to have my input on stuff and there we go.

yeah sometimes its in the car there, kinda hard to get away

yeah, he does complain that I dont do the stuff he asks on the time he wants. I do agree but sometimes he gives me like so litttle time to get it done when im doing it or when im coming over and doing it.

yeah on the school thing, he does a great job delagate. like he says nope i dont rememeber, sure that could be true. but like I dont study that much so I asked him to help me out to getting a study habit and then he says you have people at school who do that or im busy. Arent you old enough to do it by yourself, lol I know how to study but its like getting yourself to work out you know you need to but you dont do it. yeah

yeah, my mom passed away in 2003, so its really hard to go from someone who is positive and helps you out and you get along to someone who you get along with some of the time but most of you time your just fighting like arabs and isrealis.

Answer 1

Don't worry about it. It's a phase that all dad's go through with teenagers. As you get older, you'll notice that he is less and less negative.

Answer 2

I'm sorry to hear about what's going on between you and your father. I can relate to what you're saying as far as a negative parent is concerned. It's very hard to deal with but hopefully this suggestion will help. From this day foward don't force any more conversation on him. Yes, negativity will wear ANYONE down. Instead, just apply the saying, "kill a person through kindness." Greet him in the morning, when you come home from school, that sort of thing. Ask him how his day has been. You don't have to kiss his rump or anything. But start out with that. If ever he brings that mess up again just simply say "excuse me dad" and go to your room and get privacy; get away from that. With your sudden change of attitude I'm sure he wouldn't know how to react but I'm sure it will turn out for the better. Good luck babe.

Answer 3

Well - the age old addage of "kill them with kindness" will work eventually.
For now - hard as it is, just try to remember your glass is half full and just remember, your dad's perspective does not have to be yours.
Mine was negative too. I am an adult now and way different to my kids. I have some your age.
Anyhow - sometimes you just have to politely excuse yourself and be scarce in these situations.
No easy answer but that is the best - disrupt the negative pattern by not being there to recieve it but be polite so as not to bring on more.
Don't dwell on his poor perspective. Start thinking on your future. "Not Harvard" grades aside, just do your best. You know your heart and so does the one who created you. In the end you will be happier for not being pulled into dad's negative kool-aid.
Also - if you have mom around, try getting her involved. Talk to her and see if perhaps when she hears dad berating you she can speak encouragement at you amidst his stuff to make him see even though what he see's is bad that others see good things.
Whatever you do - don't get in his face about it. Just be polite and say "Ya know dad, I have homework." and go and if it's just too much "Dad, I love you too and really hope someday you can see the good in me." and go the other way. Don't let him respond. If he does, listen intently and be respectful no matter what he responds.
You can control your perspective - remember that!

Answer 4

the best option, is to take this problem to your school counselor. your school counselor can set up a meeting between him/her, you, your dad, and your mom or another relative that knows whats going on. the guidance counselor and other relative can act as objective parties in this meeting, to help explain to your dad how you are feeling about his attitude and poor behavior. the guidance counselor will also be able to refer you and your father to a good therapist, that will teach you both how to open up, and talk about your feelings with each other in a healthy way, thus far, strengthening your relationship, and making home life a lot more pleasant for both of you! It sounds like your father may have a lot of anger issues to deal with. Another good option is to speak to your pastor about this, and ask for prayers and biblical encouragement. If you don't attend church, ask your father to start taking you and go together. It's never too late to reach out to God.

Answer 5

I'm 28, but my mom was (still is ) the same way. my sister and i were never good enough for her.
my best advice is to forgive your father for his negativity, he is emotionally suffering in some way to be always looking at the glass half empty.
then, learn to accept yourself regardless of his opinion. do not let his negativity affect your self worth or self esteem.
lastly, when you need adult advice, you may want to turn to sources you trust besides your father ( older siblings, an uncle, or grandparent. guidance councilers or teachers.)
you can not change your father, but don't allow him to parent you into a negative individual with low esteem either.

Answer 6

That's so sad, I feel sorry for you!!! Well did u try talking to your siblings about it? I mean u can talk to them n all of u can go to him and tell him what u feel!! Your dad seems frustrated!!! In one of the lighter moments when he's in a good mood u can ask him what's bothering him or something like "dad am i really so bad" U know use emotions:-)
Best Of Luck!!!

Answer 7

Hey you are 16. Realize that this is a hard age for you AND your Dad. Neither of you have been here before. Don't obsess. Concentrate on what you DO agree on. Then try to expand.

Answer 8

I went through that too, most all guys around your age will, it's a male dominance thing. This will end once you move out, you'll become closer the longer you're gone. Even when you first move out, he'll be this way. Wait for a few years and it will end.

Answer 9

try to act positively around him, also make your siblings do the same. Negativety does, at times bring your self-esteem or another's self-esteem down, don't let him...try to not argue much, i'm not saying don't argue-becasue its normal for teenagers to argue. If that doesn't work, then probably a therapist, or find something that you know will boost his sefl-esteem- like hanging out or something. i hope i helped.

Answer 10

My father's the same. I know how you feel and it's frustrating. Maybe you should try talking to someone else.