is there still a stigma for lone parents?

Question

just reading some questions and answers and it got me thinking.... i know women are not disowned etc these days for being a lone parent but i think that this group is still very much stigmatised and i feel that single parents are forever justifying the reason they are on their own. i am divorced with two kids i have raised alone for 8 years, i have a well paid job, never claimed benefits, my own house etc and it was their dad that walked out...see what i mean ive justifyed it in case i get a back lash. any others feel the same pressure to explain etc?

oh yes and was with their dad and married for ten years and both kids were planned, showed no sign of being a waster until he walked!!

Answer 1

My daughter is 32 and has an 11yr old daughter. She has been a single parent since my grandaughter was 3. My daughter has always worked full-time and never claimed any benefits. I am proud of what she has done and I can assure you, you will not be getting any backlashing from me! I hold my hands up to you and to any mother that has gone it alone. It is not an easy job even with two parents. I raised my son and daughter on my own and they have both grown up to be respectful and hardworking adults.
Give yourself a pat on the back and later in life you will reap your rewards, just as I have. Good luck to you. x

Answer 2

As a newly divorcee and single parent myself, I guess I found myself drawn to this question. Coming from my own perception, it would seem that society as a whole has generally developed an indifference towards the single parent as opposed to the nuclear family. Recent statistics have shown us that 1 out of every 4 parental figures in the U.S. are single parents, although this was presented in the year 2000. Since then, the preservation of the nuclear family has increasingly diminished. There are a thousand reasons one could attribute to this, everything from the lack of faith from religeous zealots to the way the media portrays sex today from concerned individuals on an international level. I myself do not agree with either of these viewpoints, although we cannot deny the depreciation of the nuclear family in America, its almost becoming a fairy tale these days as we are more likely to experience divorce and seperation than eternal bliss.

But of course, enough of my ranting and raving, the point here is found in if others feel the same pressure to explain our predicaments. Well, let me tell ya, there are two types of those in our situation. On one hand, there are those that hide in their shell, astonished and embarrased that they've been walked out on/betrayed. These people will never find happiness as long as they dwell upon their past misfortunes. Your guy left, my wife left, what can we do about it? Prehaps something in an individual sense, but are we going to let that stop us from achieving happiness? I say, no, with a resounding NO! There are also those who choose to hold their head up high and say "life can be better, and we will make it be better!"

Once again, I have strayed from the oriniginal subject. given this, let me just say, hey, if anyone ever asked you why or how you became to be a single parent, especially when it makes you feel uncomfortable, simply tell them you did the best you could, and it wasn't enough for your partner, but be sure to emphasize how that doesn't inhibit you from being the best parent you could possibly be. Of course, if the inquiring individual is pressing the issue, or is one who has no need to know in the first place, give 'em a good 'ole piece of your mind and tell 'em to @$*# off and mind their own business, 'nuff said.

Answer 3

You know what i find most annoying... Is this stereotyping of single parents. You must be a bad person or a waster if you are a single parent. If only people would realise that for a vast majority of people, its not by choice but by circumstances that they are left alone with the kids whilst the other parent happily waltzes off for a single uncomplicated life. In the UK yes... its seems like a stigma cos alot of what goes wrong in society lays at the feet of single parents. So, pray what are we suppose to do... grab hold of the man's leg for dear life. Put up with being demoralised, degraded by him/her for the sake of the children and not to be seen as a wasted family unit. I dont think so. As single parents, the majority of us do a brilliant job and have beautiful law abiding, hard working children, whether or not the parent is working or not. Unfortunately, we will never change the attitudes of the ignorant, narrowminded participants of this society with they're happy 2parent homes who still do produces the odd wayward kid or 2. I stopped fretting about that years ago and my 2 are now 26 and 18, brought up by me single handed all their lives. And they are good hardworking people. So they should stick that in their pipe and smoke it!!!!

Answer 4

Yes, the stigma still exists...but only amongst the ignorant and the "holier than thou types"...who more than likely have a relative or two that they're judging anyway. I have a 4 year old that I have been raising on my own and get no support or assistance for. Like you, I have a good job and am blessed with the ability to provide for him. My b/f and I have been together for 6 months now and while we look forward to a future together, we are realistic enough to realize that another baby could easily come before the ring. While I am not AIMING for that...it's just part of life. Believe me, there are times where even I try to imagine telling my parents that news again. I was 28 when I had my first...well beyond the teens or young twenties that society looks to first to stigmatize and condemn for being as they say "so stupid". My b/f is almost 40...so sometimes you have to just keep rolling on and do your thing. I sure as heck am!

Take care

Answer 5

Im guessing your from here in the UK, there is a certain negative attitude that single PARENTS get, and in 95% of the cases it the female. In one respect its brave of you to make that decision to go it alone, as it was probably not for selfish reasons as it rarely is but for the sake of the children.
However these negatives do not just come from no where, there is an estate not far from me, and its full of young single mums fages hanging out there mouths with one kid on the hip and another running off and the mum shouting and swearing at them. In one case i remember a girl no older that 5/6 coming off the estate and to the local chip shop i was in, with a £20 note for the famailies dinner, now take away the fact that someone could have just taken that money of her, and that the parents thought it was fine to let a 5 year old out of there site, we are all aware of Pedophiles, and its parents lone or not like that who should be either shot or stopped having children. In all i think bad parenting is a bigger problem. i know many mums alone and doing great, my mum brough up me and 4 others and we are all doing well.

Answer 6

Hello,

(ANS) Yes! I still think there remains a degree of preduace against lone or single parents. Perhaps that negativity is more previlant in the older generations of people who are 60yrs plus. And more previlant amongst some religious groups, were great importance & stress is put on monogamous hetrosexual marriage.

My heart goes out to anyone who is a lone parent, I think they genuinely & deeply love their children and it must be a very hard road to travel without a partner to provide additional support.

I do get very very annoyed with governments when they use lonely parents & mothers as scapegoats or making them look like benefit scoungers. It makes me furious, we should be helping & support lone parents, mothers & lone dads not putting extra pressures on them.

**I think parents do one of the hardest jobs in the entire world, why? because being a parent is 24/7 and you dont get a day off and its usually for atleast 18yrs possibly more?

**No! you dont need to justify yourself, or your life your doing the best you can in hard circumstances. Please be nice to yourself you deserve it. Remember being a parent is hard at the best of times.

IR

Answer 7

I think it depends on the age of the person you ask. A lot of older people still see it as a failure and something you just don't do.
My partner and i have been together nearly 3 years and have children from previous relationships that live with us. I was a single mum for 3 years prior to that. My partner's dad seems to have the attitude that i was standing waiting to be rescued with my children clinging to my legs on a street corner dressed in bin bags yet there's never any mention of the fact that i'm bringing up his grandson and of my part in the relationship and making it work. It's all about how he provides for us and he makes me feel like i should be kissing my partners **** for being willing to take us on.
I refuse to justify my reasons for not continuing a relationship with a man that bullied me into giving up my friends and family and controlled my every move for 12 years to anyone.
So yes, i think single female parents still have a stigma about them.

Answer 8

Yes there is a huge stigma still for lone parents...! I am glad you use the term 'parents' and not mothers in this instance! I feel there is an enormous stigma for lone fathers particularly, though women who have been badly done to by men really don't want to see this injustice. All non-resident fathers are tarred with the same brush and it is sickening.

There are far too many blind prejudiced people in this world that need to see beyond their own situations and have their eyes opened! x

Answer 9

i think it depends (regrettably) onm your social class, lower class single parents tend to get a raw deal, generally perpetuated via the media. im from a single parent family my mother has a good job which she enjoys and like you she has never claimed benfits etc.etc. however i believe there appears to be a stigma with teenage lone parents. theres a whole debate around teenage parents, let alone lone teenage parents.
there are alot of factors that make a difference as to whether lone parents are stigmatised these days.

Answer 10

I think that it is still there. It is not as "bad" as it used to be, but all in all still there. I think it is there now more so because it is automatically assumed that you got knocked up by your boyfriend and you are not married. Basically the premartial pregnancies. And the teen mothers.

Also in your case it is just thought of the you left your husband not the other way around.

Just remember that he walked out on you and you are still ding the right things for your children and don't listen to what others have to say.