Problem with my Christian wife, any advice?

Question

My wife Nermina is a wonderful women. However, we have an issue that continues to really haunt our relationship, and I hope you can offer a word or two that may help.

We have been married for 12 years and have 2 children, 8 & 5. Everything has gone really well for the most part. I think her being a native European has really helped her know how to be a real woman.

However, I was tempted by the devil 3 years ago, and a beautiful Korean co-worker led me into sin.

After two years, I broke Satin's grip and ended this sinful behavior.

My wife still struggles with forgiveness issues. Obviously, I apologized when I was caught. But I personally think that should cover it. What she is forgetting is that Jesus already paid the price for my sin. That is what the cross is all about.

I do realize that a lot of broads get upset easily, and can be emotional (just as gay men can be as well). However, how can I direct her to look at the bible and understand what's already been written on this topic?

Thanks and God Bless all of you!

Answer 1

I'm crying tears of joy over the fact that my friend has saved himself from a trip to the lake of fire.
Those Godless Korean women are very tempting.

You should have saved yourself a lot of trouble and married a southern Baptist girl.They no there proper roll in the home.

Answer 2

I think you're missing the point; it's not, I offended Nermina and she needs to get over it becaue I apologized, which I should have done. I mean how much do you really want her, and how seriously do you take her? What people do and what God does are two different things, totally;first off whether or not you told her when you got caught, and then continued for another year and a half, or whatever, or if you apologized after the two years or how it happened, that is a long time to connect with someone that simply "tempted" you.

The other problem is that you are stereotyping women; if you have a thing for Asian women that is one thing, but you cannot posit that her being a "native European" woman makes her any more of a woman than the Korean woman was. You make it sound as though while you respect the authenticity of a European woman, you succumbed and digressed to the whiles of the Asian woman, who, the way you describe it, may as well have been Black, or Indian, or Hispanic or anything else interpretedly more exciting or visceral than a European woman is. If you're not into European women then why did you marry them, or perhaps you respected her in a different way, that wasn't physical.

You don't understand that is exactly what infidelity is about; getting something different, and unless your attitude changes, you're bound to end up in another affair with some other exotic woman. You can't use God's word to push someone to forgive you when you aren't really that sorry to begin with, and don't understand the depth of what you did wrong. Two years is a very long time; you could have married that Korean woman, to be totally honest. You can pray for your wife, and ask for guidance yourself, but I'm not sure you really have the ground to stand on to get the forgiveness from her that you desire at this time, from what you've told us ...

Answer 3

First of all, calling women "broads" probably won't help any. Personally, I find that term somewhat offensive. But that point aside, I can understand your frustration. However, I can also understand why your wife would be so upset. According to what you said, it appears that your affair lasted two years and ended a year ago. If it has only been a year, it's no wonder your wife is still having problems. It would take a long time to come to terms with unfaithfulness like that.

You said you apologized when you were caught. Does that mean you apologized only because you were caught, or because you were actually sorry for what you had done? Your wife may feel like you aren't really sorry for cheating on her.

Have you tried marriage counseling? This would allow both you and your wife to express what you're feeling with a neutral third party there to keep things from getting out of hand.

I think the best thing to do is show your wife how important she is to you. Find out what things most make her feel loved, and do them. If she likes receiving gifts, buy her something special. If she wants quality time, go for walks with her, take a trip together, play board games, or whatever she likes to do. If you treat your wife with special attention, as you would have when you were dating, maybe she'll realize how much you love her and remember why she wanted to marry you in the first place. It is true that God has forgiven you for what you did, but your wife needs to know that you really are sorry and that you love her more than any other woman.

Try the things I've suggested and keep praying. Hopefully things will work out for you.

Answer 4

As a wife, let me see if I can get you to walk in your wife's shoes as to why she has not been able to let go.

First of all, she was betrayed on this. Sure, you asked forgiveness of God and Jesus did pay the price for your sin, but did you ever ask your wife for forgiveness or did you expect her just to get over it? She's been betrayed because you took another woman to bed with you and you broke your vows to her. While it may have been another woman who "led you into sin" the fact is that you followed her into sin.

From what I'm seeing in this post, are you taking any responsibility for your behavior being wrong? She may be seeing it as you treating it like "hey, the devil made me do it, the Korean woman made me do it"

If you want to repair and restore your marriage, you need to take responsibility for what YOU did wrong. Yes, YOU were the one at fault here. Whether or not someone else had a part in it, you were the one who made a mistake.

Take a look in the Bible about what Repentance means. It's not just a flippant, "oops, I made a mistake, please forgive me." It's about a real heartfelt sincerity that you are fully turning away from the sin and you want to restore things with God.

You also need to turn to your wife and apologize to her and see what you can to do make this up to her.

If you want any hope of restoring your marriage, I sincerely urge you to pray and do whatever it takes to rebuild your wife's trust. Otherwise, she will never "get over it."

By the way ,she's not a "broad" she's a woman and when you got married, you promised to love her as God loved the church. So, you have some apologizing to do to her!!

Answer 5

Well if she were to look at the bible she would see YOU broke all sorts of laws and the covenant you made with her. And further more your don;t sound particularly genuine about your repentence since you say you apologized when you got caught. And furthermore you don;t accept responsibilty for it as, instead you blame Satan instead of your own lack of moral conscience and the other woman, even though it was your choice.

I doubt if any of this is true your wife or God sincerely believes you are sorry and willing to make amends.

And furthermore I can't think of women Real woman (especially a native European) that would stand a guy who cheats, lies, takes the cowards way out and is rude and disrespectful calling people broads and characterizing homosexuals the way you do.

Most would not consider that a man or a Christian.,

You have some serious thinking to do.

Answer 6

Lemme point out two things:

"Obviously, I apologized when I was caught." Oh, I see, when you got CAUGHT. Which means you didn't stop the behavior until you got caught?

Two: "I do realize that a lot of broads get upset easily," The word "broad" is derogatory.

Judging from what I have read in your question you don't really feel like you did anything wrong and you want your wife to drop it. I think it's time you picked up the Word yourself and started studying it instead of shoving it in your wife's face. Forgiveness is a hard thing to manage when the person you want to forgive blames "Satan" for his mistakes.

Answer 7

Led into sin?Did you not have your freedom of choice?
And why do you find it so hard to understand the consequences of your actions?
According to Malachi a man who commits adultery covers his wife in the garment of violence.
Those are your consequences.
It is you who needs to look to the bible and understand.
You act as if you have done no wrong to your wife.When indeed your very act of treachery isn't just wipe away from her heart just because you asked G-d to forgive you.

You only apologized when you were caught does that mean if you had not been caught you would still be in your adulterous relationship?\Have you not ever once read proverbs and knew and understood that to commit adultry would cost you your very life.That you stood to lose everything.Doesn't say much for the love that you love your wife with if you could so willfully commit treason and cover her in violence.

Don't try and twist the word and assume that forgiveness means that there is no consequence for you actions.

Answer 8

Well, I don't blame her for being mad. I mean, you can't just use Jesus as a "Get out of jail free" card. Although Jesus did die for our sins, it is your job to take the blame for this action. I'm not saying you aren't sorry, but think how this would be if your wife cheated on you. You would probably be having a hard time with forgiveness, too. I would say that she probably realizes that Jesus is forgiving you (if you've asked him to, of course) and is trying to get over the shock. It was your fault that you cheated, you know, not just the devil's.

Answer 9

Why do I think this is a troll post and you're just trying to get the women on this board upset?

If not, stop blaming anybody but yourself for this problem. Nobody "leads" anyone into an affair. If indeed you did do this thing, you made a choice, based on what you felt was ok at the time. It's YOUR problem, bud, and it's your duty to regain your wife's trust. A simple apology doesn't cover it.

She should leave you, plain and simple.

Answer 10

Understand, not only must you seek forgiveness from God but from your wife as well!

She has every right to divorce you (if Islamic laws are the same as Christian in this aspect) and she has every right to be mad at you.
The fact that you are only apologizing because you were "caught" is disgusting.

There is nothing wrong with her, it's on you. It's great that you repented, but that doesn't make everything ok now.

If my wife cheated on me I'd be upset and I'm not gay or a "broad".

Work your butt off to make amends with your wife or you will lose her.

Answer 11

you have to understand that what you did to her hurt her deeply,and that its not that easy to just go back to normal,you have to earn her trust again which you completely destroyed,Jesus did pay the price for your sin,but you sound like you are taking advantage of that and that is wrong!by the way we dont appreciate being called broads,and as for what it says in the bible concerning adultery,she has the right to divorce you for that.and another thing the other woman did not lead you into sin,you chose it yourself,so stand up and accept the responsibility like a real man would